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AIBU

Mother’s Day/Fathers day.

(70 Posts)
Minigrandma Mon 22-Jun-20 22:06:15

I would like others opinions.

On Mother’s Day I got a card from my son and his family, no gift of any kind which I was ok with.

Father’s Day my husband gets two cards one from the grandchildren and one from him, and a small gift.

We never get expensive gifts off them for other days which I have been ok with, even though we spend a lot on their family I like to give presents.

They both have good jobs so it’s not a money issue.

I feel hurt that I obviously am not thought of as much as his dad is, even though it’s me that does all the child minding for their children, before they started school and in the holidays.

Am I being stupid to think this way?

JuneRose Mon 22-Jun-20 22:27:47

Not stupid but sensitive maybe. But I get why you feel that way. Is this the first year this has happened? It may just be totally unintentional.

Lolo81 Mon 22-Jun-20 22:32:46

Are you in the U.K.? Lockdown commenced properly the week leading up to Mother’s Day, so if this is the first year this has happened it could be as straightforward as not being able to get to a shop or have something delivered due to the panic buying at the time so no delivery slots.

Freeandeasy Tue 23-Jun-20 02:02:30

No, you’re certainly not stupid to think that way. I just think that you’re probably just reading more into it. Let it go - your family clear love you. I’m sure that they appreciate all that you do for them.

Hithere Tue 23-Jun-20 02:40:16

I agree with lolo

Is this the first year that you and your husband are given unequal gifts for mother's and father's day?

GrandmaKT Tue 23-Jun-20 03:43:22

This happens to me every year! I get nothing and my DH gets cards and gifts. I think I did say once "Oh, I don't need anything for Mothers Day". Well, they took me at my word! grin.

rubysong Tue 23-Jun-20 09:22:30

I got my Mother's Day gift this Sunday as DS2 and family came to bring a Father's Day gift to DH. Mother's Day was overshadowed by the lockdown. DH got a bottle of wine, I got a soap on a rope. (Also I did share the wine!)

B9exchange Tue 23-Jun-20 09:26:07

Three of my children remembered Mothering Sunday, the one abroad did not, claiming that his country celebrated Mothers' Day on a different date. Then didn't give me anything on that date either! But his father got a nice bottle of wine on the Spanish Fathers' Day!

Smileless2012 Tue 23-Jun-20 09:39:54

I don't think you're being stupid Minigrandma flowers TBH I just think that there are times when our AC 'don't think'.

DS lives in Aus. Mother's day here in the UK is March and is in May in Aus. My birthday is in May. I didn't get a Mother's day card in March or May or a birthday card.

What I did get, was a beautiful bouquet of flowers a week after my birthdaysmile. The accompanying card read 'From a forgetful son to a wonderful mum'. When we face timed a few days later he explained that he was hedging his bets because he was pretty sure he'd forgotten Mother's Day and had probably forgotten my birthday too.

It's usually us on a Sunday who contacts him for a face time chat but on Sunday he contacted us. He'd forgotten to send his dad a Father's day card even though it falls on the same day in Aus. and forgot to wish him a happy Father's day during our chat!!

Jane10 Tue 23-Jun-20 09:41:33

I appreciate any gifts that I receive from my children. It's entirely up to them and is definitely not dependent on or based on any gifts I may have given them.

Chardy Tue 23-Jun-20 09:50:29

Probably normally you wouldn't even notice. But these are not normal times.

NotSpaghetti Tue 23-Jun-20 09:54:09

These things really do mean less to the “next generation” than they did in the past. I’m sure nothing was meant by it. Let it go.

I have 5 adult children and some always forget - even one year a daughter who only knew it was Mother’s Day because her own child remembered. I get plenty of love and small treats whatever time of year it is - small acts of kindness, little gifts, things for the garden, from holiday, unexpected “how are you” calls from family far and wide, late night WhatsApp calls “thinking about you” from my son who lives abroad. Probably you have other little moments of kindness and connection with your own family.

I’d personally be pleased for your husband rather than feel neglected!

Marilla Tue 23-Jun-20 09:55:18

I am agreeing with Lola. Perhaps it’s because lockdown and Mother’s Day coincided that there was no gift.
However, if this is how Mother’s Day is usually acknowledged, it is disappointing to treat Dad and not you.
I expect some Grans might think we don’t need gifts and cards. However, I think a small gift and card is lovely.

Flakesdayout Tue 23-Jun-20 09:57:23

I think I would have felt the same but lockdown changed so much and it was worrying about what we could and could not do. The fear factor played its part,. My two remembered Mothers Day and the flowers one son bought me have dried and still look lovely. My other son got me virtual flowers in a card which is hanging in the bedroom. Fathers Day was lovely this year as both Sons came to visit (distanced of course) and my Partner was really chuffed. Their dad got sent a text. But then he never bothers with them.

BlackSheep46 Tue 23-Jun-20 09:58:44

YOU ARE BEING A BIT OVERSENSITIVE MAYBE WHICH TRULY DOESN'T MATTER EXCEPT THAT IT HARMS YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. PUT IT BEHIND YOU AND SMILE ONWARDS - JUT BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE THEM AT ALL - AND MAKE SURE YOUR HUSBAND WRITES THEM ALL A NOTE TO SAY THANK YOU !!

jocork Tue 23-Jun-20 10:15:00

I remember when I was a child being told that Mothering Sunday was a long held tradition but Fathers day was brought from America and encouraged by the card companies. Our family made much more of Mothering Sunday.

The year my daughter was born, the card companies introduced 'Grandparents Day' Thankfully it didn't really take off. I'm not sure it even happens now. We had to acknowledge it because the very first one was on my MiL's birthday. She announced that "They have invented it specially for me!" as she was a new grandma!

If I got upset every time one of my AC forgot an occasion, or more likely remembered on the day, phoned to apologise, then sent a card and/or gift later, I'd be a right miserable old so and so!

Dorsetcupcake61 Tue 23-Jun-20 10:15:08

I can understand how you are feeling. I think if this was something that happened on a regular basis I would be hurt. However as others have mentioned this year mothers day did occur at a very strange time! My youngest daughter lives nearby and dropped off presents she had bought earlier. My eldest daughter lives a couple of hours away . They had been on holiday in Europe that had been quite stressful,got back days before travel stopped and on return youngest GC had suspected Covid so all isolated for two weeks! I didnt expect a card amidst all that chaos but she did call. Last week I received a lovely bouquetsmile

Thecatshatontgemat Tue 23-Jun-20 10:22:59

Not stupid, but has there been a gift lost in the post?
If not, it's understandable that you would feel a bit miffed.
It would seem that you have two choices now.
1) as other have said put it behind you, and try not to bear a grudge.
2) ask them about the lack of gift, but bear in mind that you might not like the answer.
Good luck, l hope it sorts itself out.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 23-Jun-20 10:23:20

No I don’t think you are being stupid at all,

grannie7 Tue 23-Jun-20 10:27:50

I have always got a card and a pressie from my AC but this year a card no pressie as it was lockdown.
But my DH got a card and pressie on Sunday and a visit in the garden of cause and a granddad card.
I think it’s just all the confusion around lockdown who could go out etc so not upset, but will be next year if I don’t lol

we are a very close family so not concerned more concerned that my children and grandchildren stay safe and well

lemsip Tue 23-Jun-20 10:36:03

yes! you are being stupid! some people don't even get a card!
A good guide to everyone on wether they're are being 'stupid or not is to think what you would think if someone else wrote the comment.

Tiggersuki Tue 23-Jun-20 10:36:14

I'd be grateful for getting anything, can't remember when I last got a Mothers Day card and certainly no phone call, same with Fathers Day. We love our son but do realise he is on the Aspergers scale as was my father and they are very high achievers but can miss what other people would see as ordinary courtesy. I always tell myself it doesn't really mean he doesn't care(I hope).

jangeo44 Tue 23-Jun-20 10:37:25

I never had a gift for Mothers day from my son and dil, just a card, but when social distancing in the garden began I did get a belated present which was totally unexpected .Nothing from my daughter though. My husband had a presents and cards from both my son and daughter - just cant see it as a problem - know my daughter loves and cares about me - dont need a present to tell me.

Sadgrandma Tue 23-Jun-20 10:43:11

Minigrandma, no you're not being stupid, I'd feel the same way. Personally, I'd make a little joke of it and say something like "I'm a bit jealous as you always buy Dad a present but all I get is a card. I don't mind though as I know you love me". Hopefully that will get them thinking. Otherwise perhaps your hubby could have a quiet word with them.

JS06 Tue 23-Jun-20 10:48:09

I don't think you are stupid at all MiniGrandma. I think if they're truly honest most folk would be a bit miffed like you.

I don't think lockdown is a reason for inaction or inertia from your son and his family. Folk with decent jobs and money can source whatever they want from the internet and get things delivered with the press of a few buttons.

Not having expensive gifts is ok but having direct comparators with different treatment on Mother's Day and Father's day is irksome. When you added in that you provided childminding and holiday care it is shameful that you're not afforded at least the same as your husband. What is it with people? If your son and his family have an issue and want to disrespect you they've done a good job. It would have been better maybe to have a convo with you about it.

You could raise it, you could ignore it, up to you. Life is a merry go round, you don't always have to be on the same one as others, even your family. The thoughtless behaviour of your son on this occasion may come back to bite him in due course!

I wish you well, sending you a huge thanks for your lovely grandma qualities. xx