If you were a school bully

I attended many schools- the numbers being in double figures - so I was always the new girl and encountered friendship groups already established. It made me quiet, introverted, bookish and increasingly reserved though, when young, I was outgoing and sociable. A couple of times I was picked on by little groups of girls because my clothes and shoes were always too big, being bought to ‘grow into’.

Due to my reading, I had good verbal and comprehension skills and a very wide vocabulary so I was always able to summon something to say back to the others.

However, I think the isolation, the need to be defensive and the extremely wide background knowledge conveyed by reading novels and books meant for adults it has all affected me through my life. I still don’t have many friends except my closest family and I do not trust others until I have known them a long time.

I was not bullied really, i was just ignored, and haven't a clue why. I was quiet, polite and kind, but still i was ignored. I spent lunch and play time wandering around by myself. It has definitely had a effect on me in my adult life. I am now 60 and i am still afraid to speak to anyone, family excluded. I just live my life quietly by myself as i am not able to make myself speak to anybody to try and make myself a friend. Back to bullying, i did notice a lot of it going on at school.

I wonder if kids still get bullied now or are schools better at spotting it? The only times I was bullied at school were my first year at primary school and my third year at secondary school. I remember it but can put it into perspective now, because they were kids, and don't let it affect me. However, I was bullied in work on a few occasions and found that difficult. I have learned that the only way to deal with it is to rise above it. In my opinion, you can't win against bullies, hence we need to teach our children to be resilient and have coping strategies.

I was trapped into a friendship with a girl who was very stalkerish and insecure. She separated me from my best friend. She also read my diary and it was badmouthing her. When I realised what had happened, i cut her off. She followed our group of friends to a special school outside our district. I now feel bad for ignoring her and excluding her, as she seems to have a very tough life now with 3 fathers for her 3 kids and no partner. She also looks like she's struggled with addiction. I do wonder whether I should apologise or not...I think she is a wounded person who had a learning disability and whose family wasn't in the greatest economic position. I feel bad now...

I had a good life lesson on this when I was driving my 94 year old MIL out one day, as we passed through a little village, she exclaimed “oh a girl in my primary school still lives here”

I asked if she wanted to stop, oh no, she said, she bullied me terribly at school!

I was surprised that after so many decades that the feelings still don’t fade.

Not bullied by other children but (sort of) bullied by teachers and superiors when in work and my first husband! I must have attracted them!

I was bullied during my 1st year at a girl's grammer school. Thankfully one of the two girls who bullied me was expelled at the end of the year and the other never caused me any trouble after that. I can't say we were ever friends but we got on ok.
To be honest, although I remember it clearly, I don't think it has done lasting damage. What is far worse is being bullied in a job! One of our supervisors where I work is a bully and makes life very unpleasant. Some people have left because of her and there have been lots of complaints made about her but nothing ever seems to be done. Needless to say we do bitch about her behind her back, but when complaints go nowhere that is all we can do! The only positive about it is that we know none of it is personal - she bullies us all! There was a big complaint going on just before lockdown and we've yet to see if that goes anywhere as we've not been at work all together since then.

I was never bullied as a child at school but I was at a job I worked at a few years ago. She was very much younger than me and it started off pretty low level; always getting my name wrong even though she'd been told several times what it actually was. Then it escalated to quietly sabotaging work that I'd done and going to our manager to point out that I'd done it wrong. The final straw was when she burst into my office one day to verbally abuse and sweet at me for something she "thought" I'd done. Unknown to her, both a client and our manager were sat just behind the door and they got the full blast. Within 3 months she'd been sacked and she then stood as an independent councillor for a well known political party. Within less than a year she was sacked by them too, due to make obscene and unacceptable comments about an MP in a rival political party. Leopards. Spots. Never.

Neither bully nor bullied at school but did come across bullying in the workplace when a senior took a dislike to me and worked hard at finding and pointing out perceived errors in my work. I took much pleasure in proving these were not errors so did I bully her, perhaps, seeing as I enjoyed her demise. I do see lots of bullying on Gransnet by a certain few and I hope I occasionally stick up for the polite ones trying to make their point politely.

Do bullies remember that they made our lives hell?

I was and still am a quiet and quite timid person and hate to think that I have upset anyone but when I first started secondary school I got involved in teasing another girl who was even quieter than I was. It started as a bit of teasing but when I realised I had the upper hand I began to enjoy it and realised I was a bully. The whole thing only lasted about 5 minutes but I still cringe to think about it.

Yes l was bullied at senior school.and at work in my 50s. There's something wrong with the people that do it. Although you don't always realize this at the time. How anyone can bully someone and be so unkind is beyond me.

Was I bullied? I'm not sure I was certainly the butt of many jokes- I had a surname that lent itself to them. I was incredibly introverted and much preferred books to people. I did find very difficult to connect and fit in. But I think that's partly because I wasn't posh enough for the rich girls and too posh for the working class ones. Add to that the fact that my mother insisted on making my school uniform, so putting me out of either of the two uniform groups (you could tell by the shade if you'd bought it at the posh shop or not). There was a lot of teasing and name calling,but no one ever physically attacked anyone. I only really enjoyed school in the 6th form.

The sort of bullying I have seen among girls and women is group bullying of a verbal and psychological nature often instigated by a charismatic person who may influence lower ranked members of the group to do the worst bullying on her behalf. These low ranking bullies can then become the next scapegoat themselves. Fear of being turned on themselves by the group often makes people join in bullying. Also they can be seduced by the bully who can be very charming. Though there may be people who escape this entirely and people who have only ever been bullied, bullying is so rife, I think lots of people must have been both bullied and bullies at different times. I was at one point bullied and pushed out of a group at secondary school. It was very traumatic for me. Then two other girls suffered in turn. One had bullied me but it hadn’t really been her fault. She became mentally ill and died at a young age. Though I think this was unrelated. I have never forgiven the bully and have had these dreams of confronting her like other people have here but it was only later in life that I recognised I had myself bullied another girl at an earlier age in primary school. You ask why? It’s hard to say. She intensely irritated me. She seemed to be smug and self satisfied and I couldn’t bear her. Actually her mother was like this and I have thought later in life that she probably was mimicking her. It’s not an excuse. It was wrong and I was pretty relentless in putting her down and I don’t remember caring at the time. I was popular and confident. I don’t think I had any particular insecurities that justified it. It’s not something I egged on a group to do or have repeated throughout my life. Indeed I have stood up to people bullying others in the work place. I think, like other things, it is much easier to see the faults in others and be aware of other people hurting you than being aware of and admitting your own faults. It may help explain why there are so many bullied and no bullies writing here.

I notice that no-one who has read this thread is brave enough to admit that they bullied others at school!

I don't think I did either, but others may have felt I did, who knows?

We were a group of strong girls who told others to sneck up if they tried to bully us.

We felt we were right; I wonder now what the girls we felt were bullies felt like about it.

I was bullied by a group of adult women neighbours, the head bully being the vicar's wife. They blackened my character, gossiped about me all the time and spread terrible rumours. I reported he to the diocese but not sure if anything happened. I found out later the reason for all this was because my daughter was cleverer than hers at school! Afterwards, when she left, the other women told me that they were afraid to say anything as they didn't want to be the next victim! Bullying (and gossip) are both terrible things and in my mind those who say and do nothing are just as bad as the purbertrators.

It’s funny that this subject has cropped up, as I have been written a journal and its about my life but in particular my childhood. I was bullied at my first primary school, we moved house and then I was badly bullied in my first year by three older girls. It started because I said hello to a boy in the fifth year because he was a family friend. It even got physical when one of them punched me in the face. About a year later I am ashamed to say I bullied a younger girl myself, because she was the sister of one of the bullies who had by now gone to college. It only happened a couple of times in the playground, though, not the long protracted bullying I suffered, although that’s no excuse. I understand why I did it, but feel deeply ashamed. So much so, that I nearly didn’t put it in the journal but I did because I thought it should be honest.

I hope things improve for you Frosty

My daughter was bullied physically at primary school by 2 girls every day. I found out when I read her diary. I complained to teacher, head, her mother, etc. They set up counselling for all of them. All it did was make them best of friends in class and violent to her in the playground.
So one day I told her next time they hurt you smack her hard right across the face open hand don't punch. So she did and it stopped there and then.
Same with a friends daughter who was being whipped with a skipping rope. She told her when she walks away run and kick her in the back of the knees. It stopped that day
If you try all other options sometimes retaliation is the only way.

I wasn't bullied at school but by a girl who lived close to me whom I played with occasionally. She is now ( 50+ years later) constantly trying to connect with me on multiple social media outlets saying, 'Hi, do you remember me' like we were best friends. She even once turned up at an event I go to regularly but I arrived late and, luckily, missed her. She left her contact details though. She doesn't live close now so had deliberately tracked me down.

I just ignore her friend requests but don't block her as I want her to keep on wasting her time without knowing why I haven't replied. This is how I am getting my own back for her bullying ways. This has been going on for many years.

Not so much bullied but there was a particular girl who was very strong and overbearing in character, we always had to play the games she chose etc so I guess it was a form of bullying.

However, all these years later one of the neighbours is just the same, her OH does exactly as she says, her ideas are the best ever..........I just smile politely, walk away and do what I want ????

Got to add.... my grandson has taken up boxing.... he’s thirteen and 5’78” ...nobody bullies my mild mannered boy now!

Here’s a thought .... put all those bullies on and island and let them loose on each other... they have NO idea how they hurt people and sometimes for life!

Perhaps someone can explain to me something that puzzles me. Why is it that, whenever we hear of victims of bullying speaking out about their experiences, it's always in the passive voice ('was bullied'). If that was me, I'd have no hesitation in naming names and telling it like it was, e.g. "Evelyn bullied me at school". Perhaps it's because they can remain anonymous that they carry on?

‘Negotiate with bullies’