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If you were a school bully

(96 Posts)
Sallywally1 Tue 30-Jun-20 13:35:09

How do you feel about it now? I was bullied terribly when at school and feel the effects all these decades later. A Facebook page came up recently and I briefly went on it. It brought back some horrible memories and some of the faces were familiar.

Do people who remember being bullies feel upset or guilty now, or do they feel that this part of school life and people should just toughen up?

Doodle Tue 30-Jun-20 13:48:59

My BIL recently told us about being bullied at school. He hadn’t ever mentioned it before and his brother (a few years older) had no idea. He is now in his late 60s so the effects do last a long time. I was a nervous frightened only child but for some reason never bullied. Too mousey to be noticed I suppose. My DGS has been badly bullied. I doubt he will forget either.

Frosty60 Tue 30-Jun-20 14:01:35

I was bullied terribly at primary school and absolutely hated going. Like you Sallywally1 I still feel the effects after all the decades. I suppose I’ve never got over it. I feel I have to do what everyone else says even now, doesn’t matter who it is from older BS to future DIL, which basically includes all of the family. I don’t feel I have options and no one ever listens to me, it’s me taking advise from others and I always feel the one that has to back down. The lockdown we are in at the moment is making me feel pressurised to be strong when deep inside I feel I’m having a nervous breakdown and no one is listening to me. All I get told is I’ve to get on with it which I am doing, but am struggling.

GagaJo Tue 30-Jun-20 14:29:20

My daughter was racially bullied at school. We both worry about my grandson now. I'm considering home schooling him (IF I can give up work in time) to avoid it.

downtoearth Tue 30-Jun-20 14:58:05

Yes all through school, and at work too....it leaves your self worth in tatters, the bullies have surely forgotten, but the person you bullied never will be able to

Gardenersdelight2 Tue 30-Jun-20 15:23:26

I was bullied in my first class, I was only there for 2 months as we moved but still remember it nearly 50 years later! Also made me very wary of mixed age classes when my 2DD were going to school-I was picked on by the older cousin of a fellow new starter.
And what makes it so sad writing this has brought tears to my eyes!! But that might be my menopausal hormones!!😉

Poppyred Tue 30-Jun-20 15:24:26

Proud to say that I have never bullied anyone. We moved around a lot when I was small so was bullied quite a bit - new kid on the block and all that. It made me the strong person I am today.

Jane10 Tue 30-Jun-20 15:57:35

Do bullies realise that's what they're doing? Maybe they just think it's 'cool' or just fun at the time? I don't know. I remember looking out for the quieter girls at school in case they were having a hard time. I once had to speak to someone who was being publicly really nasty to one of the juniors. I was a prefect. (I still feel like I'm one now!)

ValerieF Tue 30-Jun-20 18:29:38

I guess I am one of the lucky ones who was never bullied at school. Never quite in the popular groups but I didn't care. I was worried about my children being bullied especially as we moved from Scotland to England when they were just starting secondary and I had heard so many horror stories of bullying in English schools! Was unfounded and non of them were bullied either.

So can't really speak from experience but I think it I had been I would like to 'meet' my bullies head on now. Chances are they would be meek and mild. As someone else said...I doubt they would even recognise themselves as being 'bullies' at school. Maybe go on Facebook Sally and if there is a school reunion...go to it and observe. I hope your life has gone on to lots of better things? Focus on that not on your school years.

lemongrove Tue 30-Jun-20 18:31:42

I must have attended lovely schools as I never saw any bullying at all.I went to an all girls grammar school, where you would think there would have been....but no.

Starblaze Tue 30-Jun-20 19:03:03

I was badly bullied at home and at school, I remember one girl I tried to bully... I just ended up feeling like the worst person in the world. Didn't forgive myself when she did.

I wonder if many bullies are able to ever achieve enough empathy to want to put it right somehow

Sallywally1 Tue 30-Jun-20 19:13:27

ValerieF thanks, but I cannot think of anything worse than a school reunion with such people! I have overcome much of the low self esteem I suffered with all my life, but still find social occasions a nightmare. I just don’t go now! Am ok with small gatherings of good friends. The upside is that I have gained skills such as empathy and a feeling of wanting to stick up for the underdog., but my question remains, why do people bully others?

Nansnet Tue 30-Jun-20 19:15:24

I had a relatively happy childhood, but I do remember one particular girl who bullied me. I can see her now, and still remember her name. I think it was because I was a wee bit on the chubby side at the time ... my mum said it was just 'puppy fat', and I shouldn't worry about it ... and I think she was right!

From the age of about 12, I lost weight all naturally, and really blossomed! I don't like to blow my own trumpet, but in my teens, I was the envy of many girls in my all-girls school at the time! Although, the bully was always in the background, but, by then, I had the confidence to ignore her.

I remember that even in our late teens, when I was out with my then boyfriend (who became my husband!), that she still made derogatory comments about me.

I know, that the girl who bullied me, bullied others too ... I guess it was she who had some issues, and not the rest of us! I often wonder what became of her, and what she thinks of her past behaviour.

MissAdventure Tue 30-Jun-20 19:18:27

I think bullies have their own troubles and issues.
Not that it helps when they're making someone's life a misery.

I wonder if they become the office bullies?

Grandma70s Tue 30-Jun-20 19:39:41

Are we talking about physical or mental bullying? There was none of either in my senior school as far as I know, but in the juniors (same school) there was one girl who for some reason didn’t ‘fit in’, and she was shunned. I think it was largely social. It was a small private girls’ school, and she came from the wrong place and looked wrong. Snobbery, really. I remember one time when we decided to all vote her in as form captain, as a joke, knowing she would take it seriously and think she had become popular. I doubt if she ever realised it was a joke. I expect the teachers did, though, because the entire class voted for her.

I never initiated this bullying, or joined in with it very seriously, but on the other hand I never spoke up against it either, which I should have done.

There was physical bullying at my brother’s all-boys school, pretty much sanctioned by the masters. The prefects were allowed to administer punishments, including beating, whenever they fancied.

It all seems incredible now, but it was quite usual at the time.

Evoha16 Tue 30-Jun-20 19:45:25

I have always been ‘bullied’ but choose to consider it the bully’s problem in that I ( and most other bullied people ) have ‘a daily beauty in our lives’ which they don’t have 😐 My sisters are bullies and consider some people a legitimate targets - makes me feel physically sick 🤢 that some people can think like that - I hope all of us heal ❤️🕊👍🏿🤗☘️🙏🏽

Sallywally1 Tue 30-Jun-20 20:11:29

Thank you all for your insights. I know it is a difficult subject to revisit. With hindsight now I realise it is the bullies who have the problem and us survivors who are ultimately, the strong ones. Take care everyone you are all worthy of love.

Doodle Tue 30-Jun-20 20:58:17

My DH thought there was no bullying in his school. He enjoyed his school days and said there was no bullying at all.....until his younger brother who attended the same school told DH what had happened to him. It can happen right under your nose and unless you see it or experience it you have no idea the impact on others lives.

Doodle Tue 30-Jun-20 20:59:55

sallywally I’m glad you feel you are one of the strong ones. Unfortunately, some are bullied so much and for so long it destroys their confidence and ruins their lives.

Jane10 Tue 30-Jun-20 21:16:28

It sometimes seems to me that there are one or two bullies on GN. I doubt they'd see themselves as such though. However, I've seen some rotten things said to people. I had a horrible PM once and I know others have received them. However, I know what I'd do if I ever had another one.
What do others think?

MissAdventure Tue 30-Jun-20 21:17:39

I'd copy and paste it on the forum, omitting their name.

Chewbacca Tue 30-Jun-20 21:50:30

Or just copy, paste and send it to GNHQ and they sort it out directly with the sender MissA. Action was taken very swiftly.

MissAdventure Tue 30-Jun-20 22:58:14

Spoilsport!
I'd like to see 'em squirm a bit first. grin

Hetty58 Tue 30-Jun-20 23:16:05

I wasn't a bully or bullied - except by my mother!

Chewbacca Tue 30-Jun-20 23:23:58

Miss A wink