Special birthday and anniversary

Two options:
A - go away somewhere nice
B - organize your own party (or non-party, in which case you have to lay down the law!) so you know exactly what is going to happen.

I wish someone would organized a surprise party for me. No such luck. Why is it that the people who don't appreciate it seem to have the kind of family who want them to have a party???

I dislike surprises as part of the pleasure is looking forward to an event.
I don't like parties.
So far nobody has given me a surprise party but since I was born in 1940 I am coming to what people think of as an age one should celebrate.
I hope to celebrate at home by getting a takeaway .

We used to love a really good party and have had great celebrations for my 50th birthday and ruby and golden weddings. Still talked about by family and friends but I can’t see us throŵing a big bash again. Glad we have memories and photographs.

Each to his own, and everyone should have the celebration (or not) they prefer.

Unlike many in my family we don't 'do' big parties for significant dates. For my 40th we went to Gran Canaria ( plus our son who was schoolage), for my 50th husband and I went to London for the weekend and to a Pop concert, for my 60th we two went to Jersey. I find that at your own parties you're too busy worrying about others to really enjoy yourself. Think my extended family thinks we're quite anti-social but doesn't bother us- the fact that we're a good 300 miles away from them too can be a valid reason not to attend functions!

I don't like surprises

I have always organised any Celebrations in my family except my DM's 90th Birthday last year. She organise everything so she had the Celebrations she wanted, Party, Family Meal & numerous "get togethers" with organisations she's involved with - all with . She was planning for about 18 months before her Birthday & enjoyed every minute of it

Do what you want, make it absolutely clear what you are planning & then there is no excuse for any surprises

DD is 40 in September but she is putting her Celebration off until next year. DGS missed his 10th Birthday Party due to "lockdown" so he is having a 10th/11th Party next year. I will be 66 next year, officially become a Pensioner even though I took Early Retirement in 2006

For our 50th in October we plan to take the family to lunch in a nearby pub so no drinking and driving for us and to then go away for 10 days to a lovely adults only hotel in the Canaries where we have stayed twice before.
All this of course will only happen if things have calmed down by then. For my 70th birthday my daughter took me a luxury spa for the day which was really relaxing and then back to her house where we all enjoyed a big Chinese takeaway.

I'm not a party person now and hate surprises even more I always tell my daughter not to buy me presents because there's nothing I need and as a family they can't afford it really. A card and a piece of cake is sufficient for me but she always gets me something. Hubby has Lewy Body Dementia now so he doesn't even know when it's my birthday but that's ok, prior to this we would go out for a meal just the two of us and my daughter and that was great, but as for parties no thank you.

I enjoy family parties. Otherwise, the only time the family all gets together for a few drinks and nibbles is at funerals!

Just go on holiday both times and in an upbeat fashion tell your family why you’re doing it - to escape from their jollities.

My sister go so upset when she thought the family were arranging a big do for her 80th birthday. She had a heart attack and ended up as an emergency in hospital. A big do had never been arranged just a family dinner in a local establishment. In all 11 of us would have a nice meal in a family restaurant and she would have been happy with that. We had the meal as planned and unfortunately she didn't have that pleasure.
Before you get too agitated please ask the family what , if anything is planned. It may be nothing to worry about.

Take the opportunity away from them by organising a simple family meal at your own home. Get caterers in if you dont want to cook. Doesn't have to be anything too fancy. Making it lunch would minimise a late night.

My 70th was a surprise birthday party and I loved it! M DDs had contacted friends from Scotland as well as relations, how they had contacted so many people I'll never know!!
I can sympathise if this just isn't what you would like, can you drop a hint of what you would like? For my birthday in May my DDs had organised a high tea to be delivered - it was fabulous and recommended for your situation. My DHs 80th is coming up and I'm wondering what we can do about it!

We tend to go away for birthdays and anniversarys as we don't like parties. A short break for birthdays and for our Golden Wedding last year we booked a mystery cruise. The cruise line gave us some lovely gifts and flowers and a cake which we shared with our table companions. We were given cards to take with us and had a family meal when we got back which was enough celebration for us.

My husband and I always had unbirthdays as we were not party people. Also I don’t enjoy eating out. However for my 90th birthday my son organised a party in an expensive hotel with relatives, friends and neighbours from near and far which meant many had to stay overnight. I didn’t enjoy being the centre of attraction. Strange thing is that he and my daughter in law don’t celebrations themselves. It is their golden wedding this year but they say they are not doing anything to mark the occasion.

I went away for my 70th to a lovely hot and sunny place (in January) and enjoyed a drink by the pool and a splendid dinner on the day. It was something I'd always dreamed of, having suffered envy of all those summer birthday friends, and I had an absolutely wonderful time! Just a suggestion but some winter sun for the two of you might be the ticket.

You're not a killjoy! I too don't like birthday celebrations being foisted on me. However, I had planned to have a family gathering at our house for my 70th birthday 3 weeks ago together with a family photo shoot. It seemed a good time to do it in case I wasn't around for my 80th!! How pessimistic am I. But of course none of that happened because of the Virus. Your family may feel that after this year's threat and restrictions that they should celebrate still having their parents.

Keep reinforcing your feelings on the subject to them and say that if they organise something you simply will not join in. They'll get the message eventually.

We didn't want a fuss for our golden wedding anniversary this year so we organised to go away for the week. In the event, the lockdown gave us even more of a quiet day than we'd anticipated as the holiday was cancelled and no-one could visit either. We had a lovely day with no-one visiting for me to make tea or food for, or lots of washing up afterwards. The virus had a bad effect on all of us, but in this instance, it gave us a very happy anniversary. As I've got older I really hate events where everyone descends on us and I end up being chief cook and bottle washer. When I've suggested that we go to their homes instead the answer is always that our house is bigger and tidier. My answer now is going to be that we are also older and wearier!

I hate parties for me! On my 50th we had a long weekend away and for my 60th we tacked an extra week on to our summer holiday. My 70th is three years away and there will be no party!

Well done Leeds 22 that’s what I call assertive. Live it. Ism sure you had a great time, and no one else to worry about except you too, certainly takes the pressure off! If it isn’t bad enough being 70 without all the hassle. Best wishes

For my 70th our 50th we rented a large house over a long weekend and had all the AC and GC, our children cooked and we had a cake, cricket and rounders was played and a good time had by all. The family are very rarely all together and it was lovely to just watch them catching up. However, probably not what you are looking for, how about a meal out for immediate family, no cooking, no washing up and clearing away and maybe one of their homes for a bit of cake.

Yes I agree with shysal just tell them you are organising a nice mid week break or something at a nice spa hotel if they are open, in the countryside where you can do some nice walks etcthen you could all meet up for a picnic afterwards in the park. Understand exactly where you coming From I have the same problem coming up next year and I just don’t like fuss so we are going to be away if I have my way. So it’s your time discuss it with your OH and am sur he will feel the same. Good luck and all the best wishes but enjoy doing what you want to it’s YOUR life.

I think you should maybe organise a night away somewhere this may put them off organising a surprise for you.Tell them the best present they can give you is to please listen to your wishes. Congratulations by the way for upcoming events.

I envy those whose families organise events. We were asked what we were organising for our joint 70/75 birthdays. We went away!

I know exactly how you feel. It was my 70th last week. I had planed to take our annual trip to Greece a bit early & be out there for my birthday rather than have a big 'do'.
My children wanted to host a big party but I really didn't want a fuss. I had a big party for my 60th but that was great as I was also retiring.
In thd end as we could not go to Greece we had a family only party in my son's garden with just my sons & their families & it was lovely.
Could you get away with something similar?

We are the same about fuss and big parties- makes you wonder who actually likes them! So we arrange a holiday or weekend away to celebrate . Perhaps a meal out with family on returning. As others have suggested
Much more pleasant and relaxing.