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grandchildren first vist since lockdown

(27 Posts)
joanna12 Sun 05-Jul-20 19:04:45

Hello.tomorrow we will see our grandchildren aged 2 and 6 months for the first time in 16 weeks,because of covid but also because we have a five mile restriction in our area that will be lifted tomorrow and they live 35 miles from us.

My son and daughter inlaw,have let us see them via zoom these past weeks once a week,difficult with such small ones,they are shielding and have not left their house in 16 weeks shopping delivered etc,not because they are in an at risk group but for the safety of the children.

We can visit in their garden but they will be indoors so just through a window,i don't mind just seeing them is enough,i wont see my son he will be working,he works from home that again is fine,but how can I make this easier for all of us,as I say once I have seen them I will be happy just like this for as long as they decide to lockdown,i cant take him toys for this visit as they have to be put aside for 72 hours so I don't want to do anything to upset my grandson but I also want to keep him by the window so I can just look at him if that's not to silly and my granddaughter was 8 weeks old when we last saw her she wont know us but I hope he will remember us,we are the only grandparents and I expect the first people that have even got to their garden since lockdown.I know it must be very scary and stressful for them and I worry until we go in case they cancel.I so don't want to mess this up as I want to go up weekly and just like this until they are ready for more.

Any advice please.

clementine Sun 05-Jul-20 19:10:56

Surely if your son is working from home he can arrange to take his lunch break when you arrive so at least you can all see each other .

I think the whole thing of putting stuff away for 72 hours has been a bit of over kill. However if that is what they want to do then so be it.

Shielding is finishing at the end of July anyway so hopefully you will be able to see them properly very soon. I can't understand anyone shielding who hasn't a significant medical problem .

Good luck and enjoy your visit, lets hope it doesnt rain

joanna12 Sun 05-Jul-20 19:18:17

I would like to see my son,but I am happy just to see the children and my daughter inlaw,they are finding this very difficult and I guess they have their own reason for their actions,i have tried not to ask,i just want my family at any way choose,its better than the nothing we have had and I guess may others as well all these months.Their way is not my way but I have learnt not to question anything.

V3ra Sun 05-Jul-20 19:31:26

Goodness your son and daughter-in-law sound a very anxious couple!

I'd suggest taking some things that you can "play" with through the window to entertain the children: a pot of bubbles is always popular, a book you can show him the pictures in and leave for later, a windmill you can plant in the garden and leave for him to see after you've gone.

I also wouldn't plan on staying for too long!
Hopefully it'll go well and the parents will be a bit more relaxed next time.
You are so right not to question anything.

Chewbacca Sun 05-Jul-20 19:40:25

Finger puppets or hand puppets amuse little ones and can be left behind for them to play with. Even better if you could get 2 hand puppets and they did the kind of silly things that make littlies laugh.

Callistemon Sun 05-Jul-20 19:49:14

I thought you could form a bubble with another household from tomorrow in Wales?
Why can't you all meet in their garden? You will be able to go into their house too, but they do sound rather anxious sp meeting in the garden would be better.

Mark Drakeford :
It means grandparents will be able to see and hold their grandchildren again from Monday 6th July.

Toadinthehole Sun 05-Jul-20 20:01:29

Yes, I think you can do more than they’re offering, it does all sound a bit too intense. However, I quite agree.....you shouldn’t question, and just take whatever you are offered. It may be as they relax, they’ll want to take it further, and may even end up in the garden with you. Hope you have a lovely time, and that the weather is good.

grannyrebel7 Sun 05-Jul-20 20:07:48

I'm in Wales too so yes we can travel anywhere now and meet up with 2 different households. We're off to see ours on Thursday - can't wait!

ValerieF Sun 05-Jul-20 21:28:43

Any advice? I think you are stressing too much. Where are you going from or to? Think you are worrying too much about toys/gifts. Why can't you see your family outdoors? keeping 2 mtr distance? Not sure why you have to look through windows t.b.h. But then again don't know where you live. We can do this here where I live and walk with each other just keeping the distance. If people say it isn't possible with children, well yes it is...unless the children are under 2 and in that case they are probably in push chairs anyway. Always ways round it, to keep everyone safe but enjoy a good day out, Just find it and stop worrying.

Grammaretto Sun 05-Jul-20 22:58:30

I get muddled about the rules. We are shielding but have now seen our nearest DGC. They haven't had any contact with others and neither have we so we reckon we are pretty safe.
I hope you will be able to resume a more relaxed contact soon.
Bubbles would be fun but just watching the 2 yr old play and chat if you can.
This wretched virus affects us all differently. Some people get very anxious and neurotic.
Enjoy your outing.

Aepgirl Mon 06-Jul-20 10:57:49

My daughter, son-in-law and grandson visited me yesterday - first time since mid-February. It was wonderful. As I’ve said before, my son-in-law has a serious heart condition, so we have joined our 2 bubbles, but of course I cannot invite anybody else into my bubble as they will be coming again next weekend.

Gwenisgreat1 Mon 06-Jul-20 11:05:59

If you want to take them a toy, why don't you also take antibacterial wipes? DD1 is a bit worried about meeting up with us with GD. But we were invited to their garden where 4 year old GD announce "I'm scared!" then "I've got to have courage!!!"
DD2 doesn't worry too much and brings GS here she knows I'm vulnerable so take care, and GS is vulnerable so takes care.
Enjoy your trip, and GC!!

Jillybird Mon 06-Jul-20 11:20:30

My daughter-in-law is a District Nurse and definitely sticks to the 72 hours quarantine for items of all sorts. Added to that she's actually had and recovered from the virus and although she is a) under 40 and b) only had a mild dose, it knocked her out for several weeks and she would not wish it on anyone...

I have a 12yr old Down syndrome grandson with Autism. I haven't seen him since Christmas. My daughter-in-law says both he and I are the most vulnerable - he because he won't understand but also only has narrow 'tubes' in his body anyway.

Yes, the 72 hours is important.

Priviliged Mon 06-Jul-20 11:21:43

Aepgirl it’s so good to hear your good sense. You are absolutely right about how bubbles should work. Many think they can form a bubble with one group one day and with another the next and so on – it makes no sense.
Yes, the rules about shielding change on 1st August but, in most ways, the risks don’t. Area spikes, greater travel, lack of social distancing etc. all mean that great care needs to be taken. The more we see people behaving as though this whole thing is over, the harder it is to feel confident in coming out of shielding.
Clementine, the 72 hours of ‘quarantining’ anything that comes into the house is based on sound scientific evidence so it is not about being over–cautious or too intense. They are quite simply following the guidance on shielding. Shielding has been tough – very tough, believe me.
Grammaretto, V3ra – great ideas about the bubbles and windmills! Looking for the positives that you can do rather than what we can’t do. Brilliant!
Joanna12 my advice would be that you play absolutely according to their rules right now which will give them confidence in the fact that that is what you will do and so they will be more likely to welcome you again and again as time goes on. Enjoy! It will be fabulous just to see them.

Coco51 Mon 06-Jul-20 11:29:35

The 72 hours is official advice for extremely vulnerable people Clementine. Perhaps you are fortunate not to be in that category?

allule Mon 06-Jul-20 11:50:35

I find the rules confusing. I cannot see how a family member or friend coming in the house and sitting at a distance is different from both going into a pub or restaurant.
Or are all over seventies banned from these places?

Bijou Mon 06-Jul-20 12:16:06

All my relatives live at least 150 miles away. My son, 71, has heart problem. It is three years since I saw my great grandchildren and I cannot travel. Thank goodness for the internet.

icanhandthemback Mon 06-Jul-20 13:02:58

My DIL had to go to A&E and I had to look after my ASD grandson for the first time in months. As he is in the middle of toilet training so needed my help, I had to get closer. I tried not to over do it but it was heavenly just to spend time with him. It wasn't ideal from a C19 point of view but it is what it is.

joanna12, it may be hard but at least you know that your grandchildren are well cared for. Their intensity of lockdown cannot last forever and things will have to change eventually. Enjoy what you can and take the positives rather than focussing on the negatives. Maybe you could arrange for something like the finger puppets to be posted to the house early enough to be quarantined and then take your own along to be be able to mimic from the other side of the window.

ElaineI Mon 06-Jul-20 13:14:45

Never washed shopping or left anything for 72 hours. DGC have had toys and books from shops. I am so busy these days that there is not enough time in the day to do that and I do think it is overkill and I am a nurse.

Bluecat Mon 06-Jul-20 14:17:49

I would stick to the cleaning everything or leaving it for 72 hours. We have had the scientific lecture about this from our DD, and there are good reasons for doing it. Better to be safe than sorry, anyway.

Visiting toddlers must be very difficult at the moment, as they are too little to understand about distancing. Our 10 and 8 year old granddaughters are old enough to keep their distance when we sit in their garden, but the younger one wept bitterly on our last visit because I couldn't give her a hug. It was very upsetting. At least babies and very small children won't remember the time when they couldn't have a cuddle with Nana and Grandad.

Bubbles and books are good ideas, or your DiL could wear gloves and give any toys a wash in soapy water before the little one handles them.

V3ra Mon 06-Jul-20 14:52:06

icanhandthemback I love the idea of a matching set of finger puppets, one inside and one outside!

I've bought a few things for my granddaughter from Amazon, I put her name and address so they are delivered straight to her at home, and there's a gift note option as well.
Nice for children to get their own post!

Bluecat I childmind a 2 and 4 year old. The official guidance is that social distancing is not possible or appropriate for early years children.

Peardrop50 Mon 06-Jul-20 15:42:28

Mark Drakeford :
It means grandparents will be able to see and hold their grandchildren again from Monday 6th July.

The virus has not gone away so I think Mr Drakeford should add.......if their parents feel safe allowing it. It must be personal choice, some parents are more anxious than others, they may be right, we don't know yet.

StephLP Mon 06-Jul-20 18:11:56

@Joanna12
Our 8 month old grandchild didn't have a clue who we were when we met in their garden last week. I took a tube of blow bubbles and she was soon smiling and laughing - at a distance of course. It is so hard not to be able to cuddle her but at least we could see her (and her mummy and daddy of course!!).

joanna12 Mon 06-Jul-20 18:40:45

Thank you all so much,for sharing your thoughts with me.I only joined when lockdown started but I have taken away so much helpful information,and you have all been so kind.

I am only 58[I cant decide if that's old or young but doesn't matter I don't feel old]husband is 60 and we weren't shielding,walking daily and shopping once a week so being careful but our son aged 37 his wife and both grandchildren are,they live about a forty minute drive from us,so before lookdown we saw them every other Saturday,so today after 16 long weeks the travel restriction in wales was lifted and we were able to drive up to them.We know there is the bubble and grandparents can hug now,but my son and daughter inlaw have decided that they will continue to shield,they have not left home in 16 weeks shopping delivered and my son works from home so our visit was through a patio window with a 2 and a half year old and a six month old with our daughter inlaw our son was upstairs working that's okay hes busy hes an only child but he is a grown man so I respect his choice,it was just magical seeing the children we stayed an hour and I want to hold them but I saw them that has meant so much.They just were perfect,i don't know how long they will stay indoors and not even want to come in the garden its their choice and they are doing what they think is right for them,we have not talked about it,its not up to me to tell him what I think,i hope I have finally learnt that he is a grown up and this must be very hard for them so I will wait and hopefully go up again at the weekend just through the window is fine until they feel safe,but I saw my beautiful grandchildren and I want you to know how happy I am so thank you all.x

Mahonpeach Mon 06-Jul-20 21:39:36

That sounds wonderful, just cherish today & look forward to much more contact in the future x