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I feel so lonely

(45 Posts)
Singleton1311 Tue 07-Jul-20 21:51:45

I’ve never felt so lonely as I do tonight. I just think why do I feel like this. I’ve two daughters who are very independent. I just feel I’ve no time for myself. I’ve been on my own for over 20 years and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve got friends and family but nothing seems to move me from this feeling. Is it lockdown or is it me that’s given up?

bobbydog24 Tue 14-Jul-20 11:38:01

I lost my husband last August so was feeling lonely and lost going into lockdown. Grieving alone is the worst feeling. I couldn’t have a reassuring hug though my family were constantly in touch texting or FaceTime but it’s not the same. Now I am in a bubble with my daughter and her family it’s a lot better but I still feel I’m fighting this alone.

Kim19 Sat 11-Jul-20 08:24:36

Legs, totally concur on the eating and sleeping. No structure at all with these for me nowadays. Happily I seem to have moved into a healthier diet. Not planned but coincidence. I guess that's another plus. I take them where I can!!

Legs55 Fri 10-Jul-20 23:43:40

I have been widowed for over 7 years, I am alone but never lonely. my DD & I message on facebook every day, I ring my DM 6 days a week, DD does 1 day to give me a break, sounds awful but DM is 91 (she lives 300 miles away so no chance of visiting) but hearing the same news every day is hard work. DM is not short of visitors so she never has a day without seeing some-one.

Since we were allowed a family bubble I go to see DD & DGSs once a week. I have lovely neighbours & chat over the garden fence. I also have a male friend who rings me every day.

I do miss my social life & am reluctant to visit beach or Dartmoor due to the amount of visitors/people around. I have been busy decorating, love reading, doing crosswords & sudoku.

What I have found is that my sleep patterns have changed, my eating habits have changed & I feel lethargic in the afternoons

HillyN Fri 10-Jul-20 22:44:49

I read it's called the 'coronacoaster'- the ups and downs of the pandemic.

Sawsage2 Fri 10-Jul-20 20:47:15

Sometimes loneliness and worry is just life, not lockdown. We have to carry on and smile for adults and children because we try to stay strong so they don't worry about us. It's not easy.

Kim19 Fri 10-Jul-20 18:00:52

I am alone but not lonely. However I'm feeling unusually discontented/frustrated and I have no doubt it's due to lockdown. My total quality of life is usually taken up by socialising with friends and family and I miss that hugely. I am lucky enough to have a garden and pleasant countryside walks available but telephone calls and zoom-like stuff are no substitute. However, this confounded invisible enemy is undoubtedly still around, so we must soldier on. Each Government relax makes it a little better for some of us. Our turn will come......

Alioop Fri 10-Jul-20 18:00:49

I feel lonely too. I only have one sister and we are so different and find it hard spending time together without annoying each other. I am divorced 10 years and don't want another relationship, we never had children. My friends are all married and have their on families and through lockdown I heard very little from them. I feel very sad at times and think is this it? TV, reading, gardening, I do it all, but some of the lockdown days just drag in and I don't hear from anyone and then I feel a nuisance phoning my friends if they are busy with grandkids etc. Oh I don't know, maybe when lockdown life gets easier I might cheer up a little.

GreenGran78 Fri 10-Jul-20 17:14:05

It must be so depressing to feel lonely. I spend a lot of time on my own, but am thankful that loneliness rarely bothers me. I keep busy with various activities, and try to get out of the house at least once a day. A walk in the fresh air, or even a wander around the local supermarket can lift my mood, especially if it involves buying a tasty treat!

You don't need to have your own dog as a bridge to making friends. When out walking I often have a good chat to people just by admiring THEIR dog. Only yesterday I chatted and walked around our local country park, with an elderly lady, for about an hour. She had a Shi Tzu with her. Just remarking that my daughter has two of the same breed was enough to trigger a conversation. She lives alone, and I think it did her a lot of good, too, to chat to someone.

AGAA4 Fri 10-Jul-20 16:27:04

I was widowed 20 years ago and loneliness comes to visit now and again.

I try to distract myself when it arrives. Coming on Gransnet has helped, but as others have said getting outside for a walk can improve mood. I think about the good things in my life too.

I know the feeling will pass so tell myself this.

Sending sunshine and hope you feel better soon.

Aepgirl Fri 10-Jul-20 16:03:41

I think it’s the uncertainty of everything at the moment, Singleton. Hang on in there - things can only get better.

Taichinan Fri 10-Jul-20 13:17:50

BradfordLass that was a wonderful reply for the OP. There does seem to be a pattern to feelings of loneliness once you get older. And yes, Lockdown has exacerbated these feelings. As you say, the main thing is to recognise that these feelings are going to come along and keep hold of the knowledge and belief that "this too shall pass" each time the black cloud descends. I always find that going outside helps - even just into the garden if you have one. Moving helps you to think of things other than your loneliness for a few minutes. It also helps not to let yourself get bogged down looking ahead to the future. Just concentrate on getting through the next hour. Or even just the present moment. And also force yourself to feel gratitude for the good things you have. These things really do help.

Bumboseat1 Fri 10-Jul-20 12:51:14

I’m sorry you fell so lonely, do you have any hobbies like sewing or knitting etc it might help . How do you feel about having a dog, I don’t have a dog but when I used to look after my daughter’s dog and took him for a daily walk around the park I made friends as some people like to stop and have a chat.good luck

Candy6 Fri 10-Jul-20 12:30:58

Loneliness is horrible and I feel for you. I too sometimes feel lonely and I live with my husband but he’s still working and I’m not so I sometimes feel there’s nothing in my life even though I too have two grown up children. It’s so true what BradfordLass73 says about it running in cycles - it does. I hope this feeling has lifted for you and you are feeling better xx

halfpint1 Fri 10-Jul-20 11:51:35

I've been out of lockdown for a good month now in France
and life has returned to an acceptable normal but when
I think of that confinement and even the remotest possibility
of ever returning to it I feel distraught. My sympathy to
anyone suffering because of it

GrannyfromWilmslow Fri 10-Jul-20 11:37:25

Lots of good advice here which I can’t add to - but be proud of yourself for raising independent daughters.

Disgruntled Fri 10-Jul-20 11:33:45

Oh Singleton, I'm with you! I will try to reach out to you through cyber space. Lockdown heightens everything: loneliness and anxieties swirling around.
Bradford Lass always gives good advice so I'll leave that to her, and meanwhile I'll send you hugs, flowers, cups of tea, a Fortnum's hamper, lots of lovely books and a chocolate mountain. x

Apricity Fri 10-Jul-20 11:23:28

To Singleton for your original post and all of the responses, thank you. This thread demonstrates GN at its best. A thoughtful, deeply personal discussion with so many lovely, warm, supportive and very wise responses. Bouquets to everyone. 💐

Gingergirl Fri 10-Jul-20 11:18:05

To your question at the end, maybe it’s a bit of both. Lockdown has emphasised everything that we’ve got wrong with society....and the world. That even subconscious awareness can be so depressing. But giving up and not having time for yourself is perhaps saying that you don’t have much self compassion at the moment. And so you’re stuck. I wonder if you could be kinder to yourself and consider each day, even a small thing that might make you feel a little more content. It’s often from taking small steps that eventually bigger changes occur. Perhaps it feels insurmountably huge-take baby steps. There are small pleasures in life to be had-always-we just don’t always see them.💜

Hawera1 Fri 10-Jul-20 11:07:44

We can add lethargy to that list. You don't say how old you are.

Hawera1 Fri 10-Jul-20 11:06:41

You need to decide whether this is a mood swing or clinical depression. Has it been long lasting and does it happen very often or is it a one time. That will determine whether you need to seek.help. These are very uncertain times and can manifest in feelings of fear, boredom, isolation or even invisibility. You decide what it is.

Tedd1 Fri 10-Jul-20 10:53:28

This has made think about both my grandmothers who were widowed quite young. Although there were lots of grandchildren, we didn't visit often. Oh, how I wish I could turn back the clock

Jacqui62 Fri 10-Jul-20 10:46:51

I do understand how you feel, if especially feel more since lockdown, maybe because venues have been closed, but can relate to you I feel as if iv also lost motivation...

BoBo53 Fri 10-Jul-20 10:02:26

Know just how you feel I too often feel very lonely and as if I don’t count for anything! I have a lovely husband, kids and grandkids but few friends if any who seem to bother about me. I am President of our WI and have spent so much time doing a weekly newsletter, phoning our 50+ members and organising Zoom events. I’ve also spent time texting and phoning others who I know are on their own. However no-one phones me to ask how I am or invites me to join in with anything. Lockdown is wearing very thin and the feelings of loneliness get worse. I think sharing this on GN is a big help and I hope everyone’s advice helps us all who are feeling low. We need to give ourselves a good talking to and I suppose count our blessings as our Mums and Grandmas would have advised. Stay safe and well everyone!

Moggycuddler Fri 10-Jul-20 10:01:14

How about a pet, if you haven't got one? Not the same as a human to interact with, I know, but the presence of a friendly little cat to sit with you and take care of, or a nice dog (to walk out with as well) can be a big comfort and good company.

Toadinthehole Fri 10-Jul-20 09:53:04

You don’t say how old you are, but could it be menopause? I was absolutely fine until three years ago, then amongst other physical symptoms, I developed depression/ anxiety. Very intermittent and slow in the way it came on, not always there, but very different to the old ‘me’. I’m sure lockdown is playing it’s part....but it could be worth speaking to a medical professional, so you don’t overlook anything. I hope you feel better soon, there’s certainly many of us who’ll be able to identify with you💐