Am I being over sensitive?

I am very fond of my SIL but my husband can’t abide him. This is because (on seeing our well-ordered tool store) my SIL called it “anal” - also called my husband an”idiot” several times. It is true that SIL never says anything nice about anybody! On touring our garden and looking at all the trees we have planted, he pointed out the only tree which wasn’t looking too healthy. I can totally understand why this behavior irks my husband, who is extraordinarily hard-working. Not sure whether to explain to my daughter why I always visit them alone!

I think you have over reacted about SiL comment.
I can remember several times when one of my uncles used to say exactly the same thing - when after I had only just sat down on one occasion!
Next time he says something like that, either say "Oh thanks, we have our stuff in the car/already in the spare room/ husband just about to go back and fetch our things"

My son in law would say this sort of thing and I would KNOW he was joking because he is a jokey sort of person. I would take it as a joke and not get upset. it's not worth it over something small like this.

Well I think it was a bit rude, but you would know his sense of humour, do you usually get on with him, I’d ask my daughter to visit us sometimes or you go when he’s out at work.

Ignore it for now, but be alert.

Maybe he felt that a really long time had passed, while he'd been working, because he'd had to concentrate hard - and just came out with a foolish remark.

Could you invite your daughter and baby to visit you, sometimes, as well as visiting her when she invites you?

The first time my late Mother met my young BILs then girlfriend, she asked him loudly, 'is this your new tart then'.
She really did not see how offensive that was.

It was a rude way to speak to you but you must know whether or not this is his normal behaviour. I wouldn't attempt to respond in type,;ignore it if he continues in this way and take your lead from your daughter.

Don't let it interfere with your relationship with your daughter and grandchild; and if she invites you, go.

The most important thi g is your relationship with your daughter. Ignore sil silly comments for as long as you can.
Visit whenever you are invited and make the most of seeing g little one and mum.

Perhaps I'm worrying too much on your behalf, but dont counter his 'banter' with a pointed reposte from you. I feel he is revealing an insecurity he has over your relationship with your daughter.
Which could fester if he is the type.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and respond with such good advice. I am going to make the most of every opportunity and get my quips ready!

Hello i would ignore it,you got to see your grandchild that would be enough for me,i can understand about never turning up unexpected that happens to us we are given a time and an approx time to leave if we arrive 15 mins early it is mentioned,just try to ignore it i would love to just pop in but its never going to happen,i also said i would love to live 10 to 15 minutes away from them when we move i was told maybe 25 to 30 just ignored again,being there for the grandchildren is the most important thing,you are lucky we have had one hour visit through a closed window for no reason other than its what they want again as long as i see the children i am happy.Good luck and enjoy your visit.

Nooo BlueBelle! You're thinking of WTF! So almost right!

Thanks Chewbacker I know I m really daft with alphabet soup but there you go so much easier to write it but hey ho I rather hoped it was something really rude

WFH means working from home BlueBelle.

Some jokes fail. Maybe your son in law is not very good at jokes but feels he has to try to make jokes.

The first time I met my M-i-L, she looked me and my (then) fiancé up and down. ‘Oh, you’ve arrived. When are you going?’

That reminds me of my father

He was quite tall and most of my boyfriends wouldn't reach his shoulder

So we would do the introductions and he'd say are you standing in a hole? in a loud booming voice

We had to laugh along with the hilarity of it all

Supposed hilarity that is.

I ended up warning them and MrMinty No 2 pre-empted the comment by introducing himself and then informing him he wasn't stood in a hole

Took the wind right out of his sails!

Oh stop it, it’s nothing, are you looking for problems it probably was a joke Next time give as good as you get but this really is a mountain out of a molehill
Just out of curiosity what does WFH mean ?

The first time I met my M-i-L, she looked me and my (then) fiancé up and down. ‘Oh, you’ve arrived. When are you going?’

She had that common problem, mouth open before brain engaged. I loved her dearly, and we remained friends long after my divorce from her son. Don’t always assume the speaker means what you interpret him as saying. Maybe he thought he was being funny. Maybe he just didn’t think before he spoke. Maybe he’s an awkward conversationalist who says stupid things because he doesn’t really know what to say, and not saying anything makes him uncomfortable.

It might just be his sense of humour.

Absolutely, Starblaze

I've grown up and grown old with that type of humour

Probably guilty of it myself. In fact I know I am

Of course not everyone has the same type of humour and what was a snappy one-liner can cause hurt to people

Go and see your family!

Say you're not busy any more and get over there.

It might just be his sense of humour. Perhaps because it's been a long time since you have been able to visit so a joke about you finally being able to, not sure how to describe what I mean. I would honestly ignore it for now. It's your relationship with your daughter that is most important and I wouldn't ask her anything because she may feel obligated to defend her husband and it might become an issue between you.

You can buy doormats with"Oh no, not you again" printed on them.

Just saying that a lot of people have that sense of humour.

I'd just carry on visiting when invited and not stir things up, involving my daughter or making bite back comments.

A sure way to make him not want you there.

As you are upset I presume this has never happened before, so I would let it all go and put it down to a new baby and lockdown. I wonder if the baby and lockdown plus worries with work has caused a lot more anxiety than you saw on a first visit. Do accept all the invitations and go to visit over time your daughter may wish to talk to you. They have had a lot of changes to deal with and presumably not young parents, it can be quite a shock all round.

I have noticed subtle differences in the way people talk to one another I guess this lockdown has caused more problems than we are aware of at present.

What a shame.

Spoils the visit doesn't it?

I think I'd call him on it next time . I'd smile and say something like' oh no - have we over stayed our welcome ?' He has 2 choices - to say 'of course not' or to say 'yes'.

My guess is whether he means it or not he'll say' of course not' . Its kind of hard then for him to try it next time.

Enjoy your visits .

I had a BIL like this. Sister would invite family round but, when we arrived, he would open the door and say "You Again?" It wouldn't have been so bad if the invitations had been frequent but they very much weren't. BIL came from a very large, extended family who lived close by and, according to my sister, they were warmly welcomed by him even when they just "popped in when passing". Eventually the snippy asides increased until we just stopped going there at all and met sister and nephew outside of their home.
They divorced after a few years and we never saw him again.

Vetrep - I too would have been upset if my s-i-l said that to me. But it sounds like your daughter wants you to visit so definitely go next time she asks. If he is rude again I'd say "Goodness me ** anybody would think you don't like me being here!" and then smile sweetly. (My darling mum would call this 'hit hard and laugh')
Just out of interest do you usually get on with him?
Anyway Good Luck x

I really wouldn’t say anything! You had a lovely time visiting your DD and DGC and it’s better to focus on that I would say