AIBU - CV19 is over according to my OH

thanks for explaining AIBU

LOL

I guess OH is old husband! LOL

so, I have friends going to France for a couple of weeks
driving onto train staying in their own car, on the train, over or under the Channel, in their car, drive off, no contact, stay in their car direct to their rented (I assume) accomodation for family get together.. ie. they believe they will be "safe"

who knows?

me? I am sort of getting out and about, not wearing mask till I have to,, get groceries delivered, meeting a few, very few friends,, but social distancing.

meeting family, go to their house, my bubble.. but I do feel still risky,, it is sooo hard... though.. hard to accept/remember this invisible virus is around I mean.

It seems to be more difficult each day, with confusing messages.
It is a fine balance between doing activities now, before a second spike and before the weather turns cold and we won't want to be outside as much.
I would have a heart to heart talk with him. I've not see my 94 year old mother since lockdown.
I'm worried about a seven hour train journey to visit in over crowded holiday area where she lives. Maybe I might pick up something to give to her or her carer, it could put her at risk.
Many people I am sure have made sacrifices, not doing pre-lockdown activities in order to protect their loved ones.

Sadly, your OH's attitude is becoming more prevalent as groups of people, seemingly frustrated at being "locked up" for so long that they cannot contain their need to return to the days and ways they feel we should be returning to. Like you have been shielded and my husband would not even dream of what you OH is thinking about as he would consider himself selfish after all we have gone through together since mid-March.
Unfortunately if your OH cannot understand about your concerns then nothing is going to change him and as far as saying the virus is "over", you know that's madness along with 99% of the general population.

I understand your concerns. I have been in lockdown since early March as my DH has a compromised immune system and I’m looking after my 100 year old mother who is staying with us. The only time I have been out was 28 April when I attended my fathers funeral after he got Covid19. Today I’m visiting after months my hairdresser I’m obviously taking all precautions. If Im honest I am worried too. It’s natural to feel concerned as this situation has not happened in our life time. We too would like a holiday but not just yet. Life does have to go on but as you are obviously concerned then suggest you don’t allow your DHs friend inside your home when he visits. He should understand and respect your wishes. It’s a difficult one for you. Good luck

Were accused of going over the top when we asked MIL if she was wearing a mask when going here there and everywhere in other people's cars. We won't be forming any kind go huge bubble with her!

Jude... AIBU is an abbreviation of Am I being unreasonable

The actions you have decided on sound perfect to me Flakesdayout. I'm glad you have the space in your home to allow this. In my area the infection rate has always been low, so we felt able at the weekend to go for a socially distanced family picnic. It's the first time we have seen each other since lock down and it was wonderful. It's helped to raise my mood which is gradually deteriorating the longer we've been isolating. I think we all need to assess the risk and act accordingly and safely. I won't go to shops or into other people's homes for a long time yet, but as a spike in cases seems possible soon, now seemed the best time to meet again at last and a picnic was the safest answer. We all took our own food, chairs, blankets etc. We haven't laughed so much since the lockdown, and laughter is good!

I’m with you 100%. This is nowhere near over and it’s going to rev up again pretty soon. Just like his motorbike. I think he’s being feather selfish and thoughtless towards you. I live 100 miles from my long term partner. I am a care home manager but I’ve been working remotely as I have a daughter with an MS Type autoimmune disease, who has a baby. I want to know that I’m able to help her when she needs and recently stepped into her bubble. I jumped out to spend a week with my partner but now he’s said that if we don’t go back to seeing each other every weekend it’s over. He’s not wasting his life waiting for covid to end it a vaccine. He’s seeing all his children, having them to stay etc. They are all in and out of London and staying with their girlfriends etc. I consider that very high risk and it’s unfair as I could lose my daughter if she caught it. I think there are a lot of relationships that will end because of the pandemic.

I would be concerned that I had a husband who did not care about my health. Jude10 I have no idea...I refuse to use any of them...I type the whole words.

What is AIBU ?

I have just started going out to the shops after 14 weeks of being locked down - hardly anyone seems to be wearing a mask or obeying the marked line system inside shops. Some friends are starting to meet up in quite large groups and I do wonder if this is going to trigger another lockdown very soon. If your OH cannot understand your concerns then all you can do is try to isolate yourself as much as possible from him - people seem to be adopting the stand that 'I haven't had it, don't know anyone who has had it, so everything is okay again' As you say, it is still here and we don't have a vaccine yet.

Generally in the small town I live in things seem to be getting back to normal. On Saturday there was a young lady playing a guitar and singing on the main shopping street surrounded by people, I queried on local site if this was now safe and you would think I was personally lambasting this poor girl. I just wanted to know if it was safe to do this. I don’t think the virus has gone anywhere and the more people you interact with the higher the risk

Quick update. Sat eve : After a persistent and long conversation about how rotten my life is, that everything for him is almost normal but not for me, everyone around me is starting to do normal things but not me and that I am not ready to die, I told him once again, that if he does go he is not coming back in the house. End of. ..... Sunday pm. He is not going to France. His visitor next week is still coming. His wife is a nurse so is very aware and he has been furloughed. They will both wear masks. Thank you all for giving me the mettle to continue with my blast at him.

Would be Interesting to see how the French react to brits. So much in the press about people flying into Spain and their hotel refusing to let them in! It’s not over definitely govt push to put money ahead of health in Britain. I say Britain but the Scots seem more sensible about this

You knew you’d get some common sense here. Hope that makes you feel just a bit better.

As for your OH. No, you’re not being unreasonable. If he were shielding, he’d feel the same. He’s fed up with the Virus talk, is impatient, thoughtless and just thinks he’ll get on with his life. He’s being a totally selfish idiot and good for you for keeping away.

Tell him AGAIN you’re not having strangers to the house and tell him, again maybe, that if he goes to France he’ll definitely have to quarantine when he gets back - somewhere other than at your home - before he sees you again.

You can’t fix stupid and you can’t force people to care, but you do deserve to be able to keep yourself safe. We all do.

Your husband is totally dismissing your concerns as not important, so I agree that he should live in his camper van then he can be selfish all the time. It is so wrong to ignore your situation.

Really sorry for your dilemma. I agree completely with you although I'm not sure how that helps your situation.
I think the most frustrating thing is that people whose inner narrative has convinced them that they can do whatever they like will expect health service workers to put themselves at risk to take care of them if they get ill. My daughter in law is a nurse, pregnant with her second child. She, like all her co-workers, won't hesitate to step up and do their job taking care of anyone who is sick with this virus - no matter how selfishly they acquired it.

Leave him! He has no regard for your life!!!
Sadly it will never be fully over, and become at best like the flu virus, and that still kills 1,000s every year, hopefully we will get some protection eventually from it, and it won't return as a pandemic, .. which we still are in a awful Pandemic

The government is not helping by opening pubs, cinemas etc much too soon, and are more concerned about money than lives.

I would be upset if it was my husband you are not being unreasonable.
However I have noticed everywhere is different I live in a village and all adhering to rules still,but if I go to nearest town 1 mile away it’s hustle and bustle most shops etc are very good but it’s the public that are not. My friend said where she lives she forgets about the rules until she goes to a shop then she’s reminded, oh yes covid.

Here in France, it is law from today to wear a mask in enclosed places ie shops , restaurants. It has been law to wear them on public transport for a couple of months.
If you don’t obey, you risk a fine of 135€.
I ask myself why there aren’t fines for people who don’t follow the rules in the U.K.

In my opinion your husband is being selfish and quite unrealistic. The virus is as bad and dangerous as it has been from the beginning and is here to stay for the foreseeable future. You are obviously more vulnerable than most and therefore he should be more careful than most.
I think we all accept that life must go on, especially for the younger in work generation and the children but for those of us who have the choice to stay away from the madding crowds why would we do otherwise.
I hope you can convince him to put you first.

FlyingHandbag

You are absolutely not unreasonable. If I was you, I would rent a small flat and leave him to get coronavirus. It is ridiculous, especially since you was shielding.
Under no circumstances should he be going to France. I'm so sorry you have to live like this. X

I'd get him to rent the small flat and move into it.

If he does decide to go to France at the end of August can he be sure that there will be no rise of Covid19 2nd spike in the area he is going too and that he will not have to isolate when he is there he may then realise how silly he is behaving.

Thank you all. I am considered high risk to infection and am on immuno suppressants. My illness (Aplastic amaemia) and the treatment has not been very nice but I am optimistic of a positive outcome. I am worried about catching Covid as it would possibly be game over. We are in separate rooms already as he snores terribly and I use my ensuite and he has the bathroom. I have told him that if he goes then he spends 14 days in his campervan. As for his friend coming over next week. I have said he cannot come into the house to use the loo as I do not know him or where he has been. I appreciate things have to get back to normal but not just yet. And I dont really care if I am being unreasonable.

You are in the right as it is not all over.

I, for one, am continuing to be careful although I do have to go to shops and I am supporting some ill elderly relations which means giving personal care so I do get near to people. I also have to visit the hospital everyday.

This means that I have to be realistic. I cannot stay entirely away from people but I would stop short of going on holiday abroad and I don't think I'd have anyone in my garage to mend a motorbike if I lived with someone who was shielding.

I'd take it to a garage to have it repaired though.

People do still have to work and use public transport. However, those are essential things and not social things.