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AIBU - CV19 is over according to my OH

(91 Posts)
Flakesdayout Sat 18-Jul-20 20:10:10

Briefly I have been Shielding and in lockdown like alot of people. My OH has now joined the idiots in thinking CV19 is over. He hasn't worn a mask in the petrol station today as no one else did. He is now planning to go to France at the end of August for a motorbike race meeting. And now has a friend, someone I do not know, coming over next Sunday so they can repair his motorbike, but its ok as they will be in the garage. Needless to say I am not happy. AIBU in that I still want to feel safe and that CV19 is still out there or am I over reacting? I know I will get sensible answers from you.

FlyingHandbag Sat 18-Jul-20 20:13:17

You are absolutely not unreasonable. If I was you, I would rent a small flat and leave him to get coronavirus. It is ridiculous, especially since you was shielding.
Under no circumstances should he be going to France. I'm so sorry you have to live like this. X

MamaCaz Sat 18-Jul-20 20:30:01

As our next-door neighbour is on a ventilator fighting for her life, we are only too well aware that Covid is not over.

I agree with what FlyingHandbag has said.

BlueBelle Sat 18-Jul-20 20:37:52

Everyone has to find their own level because it’s not going to suddenly disappear, Covid will be around perhaps for many more months even years so my own belief is that we have to learn to live with it or become mentally unwell, and of course a lot depends on the area you live in and how much there is around your area and your personal reason for shielding I must admit I have to pinch myself to remind myself about it all now as my life feels pretty much ok and normal I m back to work, meeting friends for lunch (albeit so far outside lunches) it feels a bit strange going in shops so few people at a time but everyone seems to be behaving pretty well and my area is now pretty low
However we are all different and if you don’t feel safe or have an illness that makes you extra vulnerable then your husband is being unreasonable and two such polar views will be very difficult to find a reasonable answer to you both All I can say is good luck

TrendyNannie6 Sat 18-Jul-20 20:46:24

I think he is being an idiot to be honest, I feel for you, I’m shielding too, this covid virus is going to be around for very long time, I feel for you

icanhandthemback Sat 18-Jul-20 20:47:41

I have just been to the Fish & Chip Shop where they have a system of 1 in and 1 out. There is a simple menu in the window and queuing outside is 2 metres apart. You order then go back out. They call out your order when it is ready between new people ordering. Simple, safe and very much what seems to be the norm around here for social distancing. Despite huge signs explaining a man walked in to the shop and had to be sent out again. He kept standing close to me so I kept moving. Eventually he said how backwards it was because he'd been staying in London and it was all pretty much back to normal. After he'd repeated it 3 times, I looked up and said that I much preferred to be using this system. He sneered, shrugged his shoulder and said he couldn't see the point. I pointed out that my mother has chronic kidney failure and I didn't want to be the one who killed her off (although I have my momentsgrin). You should have seen his sneery face. He just ignored me after that which was find by me but as I walked away, he and another man were pointing out how stupid I was to believe the hype. shock What the hell is wrong with these people.

vickymeldrew Sat 18-Jul-20 21:00:14

I’ve been shielded too and find this transition period quite difficult.
Having been given dire warnings of the consequences of venturing outside our homes since mid March, it’s quite a stretch to start behaving more normally. However, for the sake of my mental well being I am now going out walking, visiting shops at quiet times and had a lunch in a pub garden. All of these things socially distanced of course.
However, I am still bursting to go to France to visit my DD and GC (I keep posting about this). I just want to ‘make a run for it’ and go.
So many people I know are going abroad now. Why can’t I ? The risk is less now and I am SO tempted.

25Avalon Sat 18-Jul-20 21:09:28

Vivkymeldrew my HD’s doctor advised him to assess the risk and then decide if what he wanted to do was worth it.

annsixty Sat 18-Jul-20 21:29:35

The news today is that we cannot take someone else in our car.
However the advice is...if you do , this is how to proceed, wear masks, sit behind the driver etc etc.
Why don’t the government say, absolutely don’t do this, you can do that, make up your own mind.
When it all goes pear shaped and we have a second spike, it will be all our faultbecause we did as we were told.

Illte Sat 18-Jul-20 22:14:27

Annsixty. The advice is that travelling in a car, as a small enclosed space, carries a risk.
The mitigating advice is for people who can't avoid having or being a passenger.

People don't seem to be able to tell the difference.

If you're told about risks in any bit of life and you make the choice to go ahead anyway, then the consequences are your choice.
If somebody chooses to travel in the car and they get the virus from that journey that will be the consequence of their choice.
Nobody to blame but themselves.

lemongrove Sat 18-Jul-20 22:14:58

People cannot just go out and ‘rent a small flat’ !

If your OH thinks it’s over, point out that it isn’t.Tell him you are worried for your own health.
Motorbike meets are outside and the end of August is a better time than now, but he will still have to be careful for your sake if not his own.

Luckyoldbeethoven Sat 18-Jul-20 22:23:18

There are reports from various news outlets today of rising infection levels in France, especially in Brittany and the Loire Valley. The French believe it's connected to tourism and are considering a response.

GagaJo Sat 18-Jul-20 23:50:34

Can you stay away from him as much as possible? Move into another bedroom. Put a chair and TV in there and use it as your sitting room too. Obviously, you'll have to share the kitchen, but you can attempt to time your visits when he's less likely to be in there. Have a 2nd bathroom? Use that instead.

You won't totally be isolating, but you'll be minimising the risk as much as possible.

Daisymae Sun 19-Jul-20 08:31:08

I feel that this is a bit of a lull. From what I am hearing things may pick up again in the autumn. For that reason it seems a good idea to make the most of the summer, assessing the risks and taking the usual precautions.

timetogo2016 Sun 19-Jul-20 08:56:31

FlyingHandbag is spot on.
He is being totaly stupid if he thinks it`s over.
Every day there are covid deaths IT`S STILL HERE.

sodapop Sun 19-Jul-20 08:59:57

Yes there have been spikes again here in France, we are concerned in our rural back water that visitors to the area will bring more infection as we are relatively virus free.

Tangerine Sun 19-Jul-20 09:02:36

You are in the right as it is not all over.

I, for one, am continuing to be careful although I do have to go to shops and I am supporting some ill elderly relations which means giving personal care so I do get near to people. I also have to visit the hospital everyday.

This means that I have to be realistic. I cannot stay entirely away from people but I would stop short of going on holiday abroad and I don't think I'd have anyone in my garage to mend a motorbike if I lived with someone who was shielding.

I'd take it to a garage to have it repaired though.

People do still have to work and use public transport. However, those are essential things and not social things.

Flakesdayout Sun 19-Jul-20 10:19:51

Thank you all. I am considered high risk to infection and am on immuno suppressants. My illness (Aplastic amaemia) and the treatment has not been very nice but I am optimistic of a positive outcome. I am worried about catching Covid as it would possibly be game over. We are in separate rooms already as he snores terribly and I use my ensuite and he has the bathroom. I have told him that if he goes then he spends 14 days in his campervan. As for his friend coming over next week. I have said he cannot come into the house to use the loo as I do not know him or where he has been. I appreciate things have to get back to normal but not just yet. And I dont really care if I am being unreasonable.

glammanana Sun 19-Jul-20 10:31:31

If he does decide to go to France at the end of August can he be sure that there will be no rise of Covid19 2nd spike in the area he is going too and that he will not have to isolate when he is there he may then realise how silly he is behaving.

Callistemon Sun 19-Jul-20 10:34:53


You are absolutely not unreasonable. If I was you, I would rent a small flat and leave him to get coronavirus. It is ridiculous, especially since you was shielding.
Under no circumstances should he be going to France. I'm so sorry you have to live like this. X

I'd get him to rent the small flat and move into it.

Peardrop50 Sun 19-Jul-20 10:48:54

In my opinion your husband is being selfish and quite unrealistic. The virus is as bad and dangerous as it has been from the beginning and is here to stay for the foreseeable future. You are obviously more vulnerable than most and therefore he should be more careful than most.
I think we all accept that life must go on, especially for the younger in work generation and the children but for those of us who have the choice to stay away from the madding crowds why would we do otherwise.
I hope you can convince him to put you first.

Reddevil3 Mon 20-Jul-20 09:49:21

Here in France, it is law from today to wear a mask in enclosed places ie shops , restaurants. It has been law to wear them on public transport for a couple of months.
If you don’t obey, you risk a fine of 135€.
I ask myself why there aren’t fines for people who don’t follow the rules in the U.K.

Juicylucy Mon 20-Jul-20 09:49:46

I would be upset if it was my husband you are not being unreasonable.
However I have noticed everywhere is different I live in a village and all adhering to rules still,but if I go to nearest town 1 mile away it’s hustle and bustle most shops etc are very good but it’s the public that are not. My friend said where she lives she forgets about the rules until she goes to a shop then she’s reminded, oh yes covid.

DeeDum Mon 20-Jul-20 09:57:40

Leave him! He has no regard for your life!!!
Sadly it will never be fully over, and become at best like the flu virus, and that still kills 1,000s every year, hopefully we will get some protection eventually from it, and it won't return as a pandemic, .. which we still are in a awful Pandemic

The government is not helping by opening pubs, cinemas etc much too soon, and are more concerned about money than lives.

crazygranny Mon 20-Jul-20 09:58:15

Really sorry for your dilemma. I agree completely with you although I'm not sure how that helps your situation.
I think the most frustrating thing is that people whose inner narrative has convinced them that they can do whatever they like will expect health service workers to put themselves at risk to take care of them if they get ill. My daughter in law is a nurse, pregnant with her second child. She, like all her co-workers, won't hesitate to step up and do their job taking care of anyone who is sick with this virus - no matter how selfishly they acquired it.