Special guardianship of my step granddaughter

Unfortunately my husband works away during the week so he will only be helping at weekends. My step daughters mother has her own issues, and there are no siblings.
Social services has told us that we have to take full custody and in order for the baby to have stability we will have to have her until she is 18. My step daughters partner is a really nasty piece of work but my step daughter has chosen him time and time again over her baby. It is breaking my heart because we were so looking forward to being grand parents but unless I step up we won’t have that opportunity.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

I am in the throes of child rearing and the number of children I have had is my limit.

I will never ever return to this stage permanently for anyone. I have made sacrifices for my children because I chose them. Nobody else is my problem.

I would sit your husband down and tell him this is his GC and he wants her. So he needs to make everything work.
He needs to find the money but also take 100% of child rearing responsibilities.
He needs to do all the research and all the nights/ mornings.
Lay it on thick. You are done.

I have to say I agree with Gingster.

You have only been married six months and I feel whatever happens with this situation there is going to be resentment from somewhere whether your husband if you say no or his daughter if you are given the care of her child until the baby is 18.Also the father could be around making waves.

I think you need to think about yourself and your teenage child.I am not saying this in a selfish way but I think you have been put in a really difficult situation.

If you have doubts,it is not being selfish to air them but honest.We all want to do our best for our adult children and support them but they are adults and have choices.We see time and again on gransnet where people’s lives are in turmoil because of a partner prioritising and enabling their adult children.Obviously your husband wants what is best for his daughter but this shouldn’t be by you sacrificing your future.

I wish you all the best,you really have been put in a terrible situation?

You are very kind to have taken this child in already, but long term is a completely different matter.
Step relationships are rarely easy and in your situation I think your 13 year old daughter ‘s interests should take priority.
As for giving up your job, your independence, your life, really, it is hard enough when it is your step child, but this is another generation, with other people, notably the child’s father, in the picture. Your new husband should not pressure you, nor should Social Services. You will be 68 by the time the child is 18. I am sure there are foster parents who could take this child long term, and you could remain in contact but not bear the burden full time.

I agree with other posters Tipper it would seem that most of the child care will fall to you at least initially and/or supervision of your step daughter with the child.
This is a huge commitment to make for someone you hardly know. It's strange that none of the mother's relatives are helping.
I think you should talk frankly to your husband about your concerns even though it may cause problems between you, there is a child's future at stake here which is more important. I agree with all eazybee said, don't be pressured. My feeling is that it may be better all round if the child is completely removed from the situation and adopted.
I hope you can resolve this awful situation.
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That certainly is a dilemma Tipper and you’re clearly a very kind hearted person to be considering it. The baby’s father and his history of domestic abuse is ringing the alarm bells loudest for me.
This violent man could be on the periphery of your life for a long time to come. Social services don’t make these decisions lightly to remove a child from the parents.

Where is the step daughters mother? And if your husband and the wider family are ‘keen’ they need to step up to help, really help.
My personal instinct would be no; your daughter is still young too, I think you need a long, difficult talk with your husband, best of luck.

This is a huge undertaking for you to agree to; you are only recently a member of this family, and although I can understand your husband's feelings I agree that it is unfair for you to be expected to change your whole life to care for his grandchild. Social Services do like to move fast in these cases; it doesn't sound good that the baby was removed at birth from the mother, and that none of her family are able/willing to help.
Don't let Social Services bully you into agreeing before you are absolutely convinced about what you want to do; long-term fostering should be an option and I would press for that; it may help to find out the legal options open to your step-daughter, independently.
Ultimately, your husband should take responsibility for the grandchild; you are not a blood relative and it is very wrong if the family is trying to pressure you. The daughter has the option of leaving her partner, unless she is deemed an unfit mother. A horrible dilemma.

Isn’t it for your stepdaughter to step up and make a hard decision? She needs to choose between the baby and her man.
You must consider your thirteen year old. It’s hard enough having a new stepdad without a baby too. I wouldn’t do it.

Sorry I would say no way. Youv e only been married 6 months and you need your future together. I can only see trouble ahead

What sacrifices you make will depend on what his daughter does, if she settles down she will want to take care of the child so there may well be little impact on you, that is the best outcome.
Other outcomes are she might get custody herself at some time in the future, or the father might win visitation rights and cause a great deal of trouble for you.
So a lot depends on the daughters attitude, maybe you don’t live in the U.K., special guardianship may not mean total care, in the way adoption would.

Would you and your husband be sharing childcare with you ?