Gransnet forums


Coronavirus cuddles

(54 Posts)
honeyrose Thu 06-Aug-20 20:28:18

My DH we’re having a drink this evening in a hotel garden. Whilst there, we saw 2 young woman customers (probably about 35 ish) greeting each other with a very enthusiastic hug and kiss on the cheek. I was flabbergasted! Does anyone think me overly-cautious in feeling that this is not a good idea at the moment when we’re trying to socially distance?

Sarell10 Sun 09-Aug-20 13:10:23

My thoughts too

Nanniejude Sun 09-Aug-20 13:37:02

Maybe related or perhaps they have had it or have antibodies. Possibly they just forgot or decided to take the risk anyway!

Lulubelle500 Sun 09-Aug-20 13:49:56

I agree totally with Kate1949! My friends and family know how we all feel about each other. We don't have to keep proving it. The fact that we are constantly in touch, one way or another, see eachother as often as possible albeit sometimes at a distance says it all. (Although a friend has a Downs grandson and he is finding it all very hard, heartbreaking for his parents too, of course.) But I won't be sorry if the constant lunging to be kissed by total strangers when introduced doesn't come back either when all this is over!

allule Sun 09-Aug-20 14:34:29

Lockdown has seemed a big part of the fight, but I wonder about the effect on large, multi aged households of being locked in together? A bit like locking the door and painting a red cross on it.
I wonder if these larger households have suffered more from infection than those of us living in small households?

Kate1949 Sun 09-Aug-20 14:40:05

I agree. Some people won't comply or forget which is easy to do I suppose. We went to our local pub last week after checking that they had all the correct precautions. They did.
The pub was half empty. However, a barmaid brought drinks to a couple who she obviously knew. They chatted and the man of the couple stood up, hugged the barmaid and shouted 'F* the virus'. With attitudes like that we've got little chance.

NannyC2 Sun 09-Aug-20 15:46:29

We can't really judge as we do not know the circumstances!

Gill66 Sun 09-Aug-20 15:58:07

I really don’t want to spend my remaining years hiding from the world. This virus is here to stay,so I will kiss and cuddle my family and real friends- we are all in agreement about this. Washing hands frequently and not going out if you feel unwell (to protect yourself and others) are common sense. But stop living ? Have no human contact? No, certainly not, otherwise there is absolutely no point in waking up in the morning.

Patsy429 Sun 09-Aug-20 16:15:26

We had a gorgeous lockdown grandson born in March and had to wait three months before we could cuddle him, plenty of photos from outside a window and then outside in the garden. What upset me was that my 11 year old grand-daughter (not baby's sister) commented that it was ok for me to give the baby a hug but not her! As soon as I heard that, I hugged her and it was good for both of us.

TwoWolves Sun 09-Aug-20 16:28:02

Gill66 I don't think I've ever agreed so much with a comment on here as I do with yours - what a refreshing change to see such a rational point of view.

And I am so sick of the Judging Judiths and the Karens.

Nannysprout Sun 09-Aug-20 16:54:40

I am in a bubble with my daughter and her husband and my little granddaughter and on the first day they came round back in June I hugged them all. As I live alone I hadn’t had any hugs since way back in early March! I childcare three days a week for the little one at the moment and I have lots of hugs from her, which is lovely. My son comes round to the house for a chat about once a week but we never hug and still try to socially distance as best we can. Just lately I have felt a bit depressed and worried hearing of all the troubles in the world and last night I dreamt my late husband was laying next to me in bed and he said you’re in need of a hug and then he hugged me. We all need our hugs that are so sadly, albeit for good reason, lacking at the moment. I think some people are just natural huggers and when they see someone they haven’t seen for a while and have missed them they just forget themselves and revert to the “old” ways.

Flygirl Sun 09-Aug-20 23:49:12

Is this truly how we have all become, in just a few short months?
8 people have died today, supposedly "of" it, but probably "with" it. There is a difference. We all know figures are being manipulated...they've even admitted it. Keeping the fear factor going. And yet, I wonder how many more have died of suicide or mental issues this week, through not being able to hug, cuddle, or be close to someone through this fear? The elderly in care homes desperate to be able to touch their families again. Those with cancer who have been forgoing treatment. And yet.. we seem to have come so far down the "complicit" line, that we feel it is totally normal to openly question and even report someone's decision to give a hug and a peck on the cheek? If we take a big step back and view all this objectively, how totally bizarre is our behaviour becoming? We are on a very slippery slope here, all turning against one another for doing nothing more than being human.
We know nothing of the people in question here. They may be in the same bubble/relatives, or, they may not. Either way they felt comfortable enough to make the decision to get a little closer, and as thinking adults they still (at the moment) have the choice to do that. And there should always be a choice. If not, we are talking ourselves very fast into a very dangerous future of just obeying what we are told to do without asking any questions ("for the greater good"). Divide and Rule. Snitching on each other if we witness non-compliance with "guidelines". Forgive me, but my understanding was that my dear old dad and father-in-law fought for freedom against a very similar regime.
I said it before and I'll say it again. Fear will never stop people dying. But it sure as hell stops people living.

Saggi Mon 10-Aug-20 07:33:38

Allium.... it doesnt matter if they are family members...they shouldn’t be hugging and kissing! That’s only applicable if you live in same house all the time , and then if you’re out and about perhaps that even should be avoided. Can’t think they were living in same house else they surely wouldn’t be so enthusiastic about seeing one another!! Just s thought!

Dorsetcupcake61 Mon 10-Aug-20 09:14:48

It's an incredibly difficult high risk so have been following social distancing carefully. With regards to my two grandsons aged 4 and 2 they live a couple of hours drive away so I'm not used to seeing them on a regular basis. My daughter works in a frontline job and is very meticulous about social distancing both from the perspective of protecting her family and others.
Its obviously hard with such young childeren,even harder when she has some friends and neighbours who dont adhere to the rules as strictly. I saw her and the family for the first time a few weeks ago and we met in my garden and all was well. My daughter and son in law did a house swap with the other grandparents who coincidentally live in the area.
The other grandparents invited my daughter and family down in a few weeks. My daughter has the option to stay with them or at her sister in laws house while they are away on holiday. The other grandparents are in mid 70s to my 58 but other than risk of lower immune system due to age are probably fitter than me and have no underling health conditions. My daughter always stays there as is very child proof separate bathrooms etc. I dont have a problem with that at all. I think from the very early days the other grandparents have been in a position to maybe see my grandsons more but I feel secure in my relationship with them as time has gone on.
My daughter is going to have a good chat with her in laws as to how they feel about the stay. My eldest grandson has attended a summer activity camp. My daughter has had no cases of covid in the small mental health home since the pandemic began. She is a wonderful mum and totally dedicated to her boys. When I spoke to her last night she is having major concerns about the impact on the boys mental wellbeing of constantly being reminded about dont touch/ social distancing etc in social situations. The eldest obviously understands a little more.
I think the other grandparents will want the grandchilderen to stay with them. I said to my daughter that it is their choice. There home is set up to make social distancing as practical as possible. There will be time spent indoors but how do you judge that risk? It's not as great as other indoor environments/work places but it's still there. I still think the initial basic information is probably the most helpful. Yes clean communal surfaces and dont share cutlery but the most useful thing you can do is wash your hands frequently and certainly before eating or touching your face.
I was working in a care home,well I'm still employed by them,but long story! My last shift was mid March. I was very wary that the virus may have been in the building on that last shift. I work on 1.1 basis so not endless personal care. My hygiene was incredible on that shift. I had hand sanitizer and my own wipes for any surface I came into contact with from door handles to communal toilets. I did not touch my face for 12 hours or use any communal cups etc. When I got in clothes straight in wash,everything I touched on arrival home plus anything I had taken with me was bleached and I had a shower. It was exhausting and I felt stupid to be honest. Within a fortnight Coronavirus was in the home,and it started on the floor I work on. Half that floor and a third of the residents have died ,including my 1.1. In retrospect I wonder whether my caution saved me,I will never know.
I must admit I think now is a particularly difficult time. I havent been further than my close. This is partly due to the fact I dont drive so to get anywhere have to use public transport. I still remain extremely cautious. That doesnt mean I dont sometimes question whether I'm being too cautious! Despite that I am perfectly happy and have socially distanced meetings in garden with friends and youngest daughter. When my eldest daughter comes down it will be difficult. Certainly if one of my grandchildren rushes up and gives me a hug I wont leap back in fear. I will hug them back. I will however not be touching my face etc. Everyone has to make their own risk assessment. I would like to think we can all respect each others boundaries with kindness.

Laurensnan Mon 10-Aug-20 14:46:32

I see my daughter inside the house sometime but I don't hug her. Usually though we stay outside. I see my son outdoors while the summer is here. I have 3 grandchildren and for the past 3 weeks they have stayed with me overnight a few times, plus I hug them. I don't have contact with friends or other family in person. I do though have my husband. Since lockdown eased I've had to choose between being sensible but keeping mentally well. Having physical contact with my grandchildren and seeing them daily is what I need. I would not hug anyone other than grandkids and husband at the moment though.

honeyrose Wed 12-Aug-20 14:56:07

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Quite a lot of variance here of course! I think that hugging has become a bit of a “fashion”
over the last few years and I have hugged people myself - though not during Coronavirus - but just don’t feel comfortable with it now. Never have felt truly comfortable with it, truth be told, and I am certainly not a cold fish. I am quite a warm, friendly person with lots of friends - trying not to blow my own trumpet here! My friends don’t feel comfortable with hugging at the moment either, but I guess we’re all “of an age” and therefore more at risk and some of us have health conditions of one type of another. A good socially distanced chat in the open air with a close friend is the main aim. Everyone’s is entitled to their opinion, but that’s how I feel.

varian Wed 12-Aug-20 20:01:37

So far we have only met family and friends in our garden or their garden and always two metres apart. We have even had family camping in our garden and only using the outside loo.

What will we do in the winter? We have a large home with many bedrooms and bathrooms and it would be possible to socially distance in the house, but it could not be like our normal way of being together, especially at Xmas. We are still prepared to be by ourselves at Xmas for the first time in 50 years. Should we play safe or take the risk?

Jaxjacky Wed 12-Aug-20 20:09:03

Varian I’ve had Christmas here with my children, 34, 29 all their lives, grandchildren 12 and 7 all theirs, my husband of 21 years too. We have a 3 bed semi, so, I’m fully, but reluctantly, preparing as if we may need to be on our own. If that’s necessary, I’ll hate it, but make the best we can.

Juebag26 Thu 13-Aug-20 22:28:16

I work for the NHS and we ask patients to wear masks on entering the clinic. They still don’t do it and get bet offended if we stop them. The virus is still out there. I known people who have had it and one that died. People seem to have forgotten.

WOODMOUSE49 Fri 14-Aug-20 00:36:46

We are a very tactile family. Always have been. Hugs are so important to us. Walking arm in arm comes naturally to us.

My daughter and granddaughter came to stay for three nights just over two weeks ago. She lives a 6 hour drive away, They slept in our bedroom annex with its own bathroom and kitchen area but we all ate our main meal in the house and cooked it together.

The 3 hugs my daughter and myself had during the stay meant so much. She was 50 during lockdown and it upset me greatly that she had to cancel all the celebrations she had planned.

She started to work from home just before lockdown and is still doing that now. She's seen only one person (inside) for any length of time. That's her very close friend, who lives 200 miles away. He came to stay for 2 nights. He hasn't seen anyone for any length of time either.

I didn't consider her a risk and I intend to ask her to come again at the end of October. The hugs will continue to be given.

NfkDumpling Fri 14-Aug-20 08:04:17

Dorset, it sounds as if all your precautions certainly weren't in vain. To have come so close must have been quite worrying!

Until we had DGDog to stay a couple of weeks ago while his family were on holiday, we hadn't seen DD1, SiL and 2 DGDs since last Christmas. There was no contact between us, just 2 metre air kisses and giggles.

But we've 'bubbled' with DGS who lives locally and is on the autistic spectrum. He understood the rules but was obviously having difficulty with it, so we do hug him when we see him and he hugs us back. His mental health is more important and the risk in our area extremely low.

We don't hug adults. Never.

MerylStreep Fri 14-Aug-20 08:37:01

and I'm so sick of the judging Judith's
Here hear. What did these people do before this this hit us?
Some years ago I lived in an ex communist country. Quite a few of the attitudes I see and hear now in the uk RE watching what people are doing is very reminiscent of what I witnessed there.

Dorsetcupcake61 Fri 14-Aug-20 08:41:19

Thankyou Nikdumpling. Yes indeed,I feel I had a near miss and dont think I'm going back. I think you are very wise putting your grandsons mental health first you are all being very sensible. I too live in a very low risk area. Some close friends have offered to drive me over for a garden meetup with a friend who is also diabetic. The friends who will drive me I caring and sensible both work from home and have relatives who are shielding. It's a very short drive,about 5 minutes. We will take precautions, own cup and some lemonade etc. A rational part of me thinks it will be fine and is something I need to do. Theres another part of me hoping for rain!

Dorsetcupcake61 Fri 14-Aug-20 09:11:03

Merylstreep in some ways I agree with your comment. I know when my daughter asked me what Gransnet was I told her about all the interesting things I'd found out and commented it was like a less bitchy Mumsnet. I've up until very recently felt that. Maybe I've just read the threads more widely or maybe I'm just feeling more sensitive. None of it has been targeted at me personally but I've seen quite a few threads involving situations around Covid where peoples concerns have been dismissed in a rather belittling and nasty way.
One wasnt even directly about coronavirus but involved someone who left their mail a few days before sorting. Another person commented on how silly they were for still doing that. I think that was really unkind. On that particular subject the risk is small but there.
We are still at the beginning of this virus in what we know about how it spreads. Government guidelines are now less clear. If you are in a vulnerable or high risk group that risk is still there,as is the virus.
Everyone's situation is different with regard to the risks they face,the amount of risk they are prepared to take and indeed the resources they have available. I've seen a lot of comments of the nature I'm alright ,I'm prepared to take the risk etc. If people appear concerned it's because the most effective way this virus can be contained is by everybody acting in the interests of others.

honeyrose Fri 14-Aug-20 22:32:54

Very well said. Dorsetcupcake61.

Puzzled Tue 18-Aug-20 11:34:50

I miss hugging family and friends.
As a nation, we have been brainwashed into losing our sense of proportion.
Yes there are folks who are very vulnerable to this disease. (DW and I have a combined age of over 160, if that is anything to go by, but we are pretty fit and well for our age)
If you look at the figures, the deaths total is less than three quarters of one percent of the population
Sad as the deaths are for all concerned, many were of folk who had a short expectancy anyway, and Covid was the last straw.
Yes, the detection rate is rising. The harder you look, the more you will find. And the test does throw up false positives!
As Corporal Jones said "Don't panic"