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Men who 'Can't cook.

(95 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Sun 09-Aug-20 17:32:12

This really irritates me. Dil and son called today on the way to bring my ex his Sunday dinner. She told me she opened his fridge and it was empty!What is so difficult with so many cookery programmes that he cant simply make a basic meal or at least heat up a ready meal?

Callistemon Sun 09-Aug-20 21:51:51

DH likes barbecuing - I think it's a man thing.
Apparently it gives me a break.
The kitchen fairy produces all the accompaniments.

Chewbacca Sun 09-Aug-20 22:29:20

This is a timely thread because my DS has always done the cooking in his family. DIL has always said that she had no interest in cooking and, as DS was always good at it and enjoyed doing it, she was happy to leave him to it. But today, they invited me to their home for a meal that DIL had cooked. And it was excellent! Praise was justifiably given and DIL said that she's been spurred on to try more recipes. Anyone can cook if the want to.

lemongrove Sun 09-Aug-20 23:20:35

Of course they can Chewbacca it’s not rocket science, they can follow a written recipe at least.
Most chefs are men anyway.Some husbands just become lazy where cooking is needed ( as do some wives!)

kittylester Mon 10-Aug-20 07:10:12


DH likes barbecuing - I think it's a man thing.
Apparently it gives me a break.
The kitchen fairy produces all the accompaniments.


FindingNemo15 Mon 10-Aug-20 08:08:22

Gingster. I could have written your post except for the DSs comment. I have a DD who is a very good cook, but not very economical and makes an awful mess!

MerylStreep Mon 10-Aug-20 08:33:28

My ones for hire but you'll have to join the queue. Added to that it's a bit of a trek from Southend to Wales ?
Typical this morning. He's just made his homemade hummus
and got the ingredients out of the freezer for a fish pie this evening. Later he's fixing our next door neighbours awning.
There's practically nothing he can't make/fix.

harrigran Mon 10-Aug-20 09:10:21

DH took over the cooking when he retired. We have some fabulous meals, he also manages to produce them in between doing all the housework.
I never ever trotted off to FIL with meals but I did buy him a cookery book.

travelsafar Mon 10-Aug-20 09:18:00

my other half says if he had to cook he would live off bananas, tinned rice pudding and biscuits!!!!

craftycarol Mon 10-Aug-20 09:42:24

I don't enjoy cooking but my husband loves it! I prefer making jewellery, or knitting and sewing. He cooks amazing dishes, especially curries. I can cook though?

posset Mon 10-Aug-20 09:48:15


Come on. Can you make a tenon joint? It's a learnable skill, just like cooking.

Boat, I get your point about a tenon joint, but that is not a thing you have to do every day to survive!

jaylucy Mon 10-Aug-20 09:49:56

I think that most men would be able to cook if they could be bothered - if only scrambled eggs!
I blame it on their mothers if they reckon that they can't!
I must admit, living with my parents before they both died, I didn't often cook - my mother used to stand behind me saying "do you do it that way?" "I have always done it another way" etc and it ended up in so many arguments, that I just did the prep and clearing and washing up, so my dad and son didn't get a look in. But after my mum died, my son actually cooked quite a few meals for us especially as I wasn't getting home until late from work.
It's not that they can't cook, it's that they can't be bothered!

Coconut Mon 10-Aug-20 09:51:47

Neither of my 2 ex husbands could cook at all, however my 2 sons are both experts and often cook for me and their families, both have Jamie Oliver cook books. My daughter turned into Nigella too during lockdown, actually finding the time in her busy life to experiment in the kitchen. I think it’s like most things, you have to enjoy doing it, we all do. Just going to pick some more blackberries and apples for another crumble !

Chris0 Mon 10-Aug-20 09:56:36

Husband refuses to cook so when we fell out and I told him I wasn't his servant he will not even use the food in the house. He lives on pizza and microwave burgers and processed cheese. Occasionally gets a microwave ready meal. Hey ho

Craftycat Mon 10-Aug-20 10:05:41

I love cooking & taught it for a while.
Both my sons can cook although it took DS1 splitting from his wife before he admitted he could!
I have taught all the dgc to cook & eldest DGS (16) is very popular with his girlfriends as he always cooks for them when they go round. My Chinese Chicken recipe is the one he usually gives them to woo them!
DH has started cooking these last few weeks. He is OK but we never get to eat until about 9pm by which time I have got past it! The kitchen looks as if a bomb has gone off in it too but he is trying. (very!)

widgeon3 Mon 10-Aug-20 10:11:41

Hospital emergency and husband left at home with 3 children.
At visiting time I asked what he had gtiven them to eat..... lettuce from the fridge with reheated gravy from the previous day's roast. 'That's not enough!' 'Of course it is' said this medical doctor ' They are too fat' all thin as whippets at 3,5 and 7
Tried to bring up the children, boys and girls to tackle anything. 3 of them complied and are brilliant at anything they care to turn their hands to. Elder son always refused , saying that is not a boy's job ( In this case sewing on a button which even his father would do along with darning socks)
Some 20 years later, this son + family came to stay and I injured my right hand. He immediately embarked on a complex recipe I used to do when he was a child.... recipe book long lost.
'You did not notice' he said,' but when you were teaching the others, I used to watch you from around the kitchen door' He was able to write out the recipe for me too.
Nowt so queer as your own children and husband

Lesley60 Mon 10-Aug-20 10:27:39

My husband can’t cook and it often irritates me, however he does all the prepping and when we finish our food he does all the cleaning up, I don’t suppose I can have everything ?

FlyingHandbag Mon 10-Aug-20 10:37:48

Everyone can cook... I have moderately disabled acquaintances who can cook reasonably well, so why should someone more able bodied not be able to?

Men that are too lazy to can't cook are usually the result of being pandered to by an overworked woman who thinks it is her duty to cook and clean for "the man of the house".
Sorry for the rant but this is a subject that really riles me. X

Flytothestars Mon 10-Aug-20 10:50:16

Husband No. 1 wouldn’t cook, he was 'too busy' being a mature student even though I had a full time job and looked after our son. When I left him he suddenly started cooking really well to try and woo me back - too little, too late. My current husband ? can and will cook (very well) when asked and helps with any prep work and clearing up. My son has always been keen to learn about food and cooking and is an excellent cook. He is a stay at home dad and provides wonderful meals for his family.

H1954 Mon 10-Aug-20 11:04:47

My OH can cook but he has some very dubious and questionable methods, like putting green veggies into cold water!!! and bring to the boil!!!!!! Yuk! Apparently that's how his ex cooked........when she could be bothered! Apparently she used to wait until he came home from a gruelling 12 hour shift and expect him to cook dinner whilst she sat at home doing nothing!
I am educating him though and he's learning fast, I don't want him relying on others if I'm not around in the future.
There are some great basic cook books available in if all else fails there is Google.
My daughters both have partners that can cook, in fact one SIL is a qualified chef.
If the OP's EX was left to his own devices his belly would find his brain, while people keep supplying meals he simply won't bother!

grandtanteJE65 Mon 10-Aug-20 11:07:46

I have always felt that basic cookery and other household skills should be taught at schools to both boys and girls. After all, they will all one day move away from Mummy.

Schools are supposed to prepare children to lead competent adult lives, so ought to teach these things.

Teaching children to change plugs, mend bike tyres , adjust a ball cock and unblock a sink or toilet would be a good idea as well.

Witzend Mon 10-Aug-20 11:13:51

Funnily enough, men who ‘can’t’ cook often seem well able to call themselves experts when it comes to barbecuing.

In a gathering it’s always interesting to observe the primeval male bonding ritual, where they all gather round the fire, beer can or bottle in hand...

Paperbackwriter Mon 10-Aug-20 11:14:16

If your DiL is taking food round, she is enabling her father not to cook. I hope that if she has sons, she won't be giving them the same message that women are there to wait on men like servants!

But also, I agree with others. He's your ex - I wouldn't give his fridge contents a second thought.

f77ms Mon 10-Aug-20 11:14:52

My sons can all cook and do, one can sew. Their wives /partners would not let them get away with not sharing the cooking and housework, childcare etc. My x could cook until we married then i let him get away with not, my fault entirely. ?

Aepgirl Mon 10-Aug-20 11:31:35

His lack of food, his problem. Sadly people take pity on these people and they end up getting fed by many different neighbours.

Grandma70s Mon 10-Aug-20 11:40:48

My father, born 1907, couldn’t cook, but then he had never had to. In his day women automatically did the cooking - but when my mother became too disabled to do it, he learnt very quickly. Not gourmet stuff, but just basic meals for them both. He was in his late 80s at the time.

Both my sons can cook, and so could my late husband. It’s a necessary life skill, and it isn’t at all difficult.