Feeling surplus to requirements AIBU

Are you sure that this isn’t a party for her friends and perhaps they were not expecting (or wanting) you to come?

I would not make anything unless asked.

At that age friends come well before family and may do so for the rest of her life. You may not see much of her now unless/until she needs something like money or babysitting when she has a family if she lives near to you when the time comes. Sorry but that is life with a few exceptions. Once at college she may not even want cake anymore . I would wait to be asked.

What does your husband think? He may have a sense of her teenage mind if he is teaching her to drive.

I would be happy to have played a part in her formative years and in the years to come you may see bits of your influence in her.

D's can be prickly with their mother's, often because they have busy lives and unable to express their frustration with staff or colleagues. The way I have dealt with mine is to treat it as a joke - oh dear, what's happened? When it gets too much, I hold my breath, and in a polite and kind way, I say "when you need me for something, I will leave it up to you to contact me". And I do!! It works for me and once she has calmed down, she will telephone or call in and make amends. Don't be too convenient that is the answer.

Buy the granddaughter a car to get back into the top spot!!! Noooooo why on earth should she. Buy yourself a new car is more what she should be doing!!!

Although restrictions are easing perhaps they were just thinking about ‘what if grandma couldn’t make the cake’ due to illness or other situation out of anyone’s control. A friend may be very good at doing cakes too - May even be thinking of going into business and may have said ‘my birthday present to you is a cake!’. Perhaps offer to make something else for the tea - fancy meringues or profiteroles or if you want to do a cake for her why don’t you do something super personal like a single cupcake exquisitely decorated. This is her special 18th, don’t let your emotions cloud this lovely day just enjoy it

Say nothing yourself, but make sure your DH mentions your hurt to DD seeing it was such a milestone Birthday.

Given DD works in mental health she should be more considerate but it was perhaps just a misunderstanding.

Take some pretty little cupcakes cakes along, they're all the rage and can be taken home by guests.
You would be seen as considerate but not in competition.

I can understand your feelings but try not to take it as a personal snub. Your family know you make lovely cakes. That isn’t changing and there will be plenty of times to bake for them again. I agree that you shouldn’t make an extra birthday cake this year but other sweet treats would surely be appreciated. I’m sure you can make something special. If your GD’s friend is a similar age to her, making her birthday cake will be a big thing to them both, it may well be the friend’s 18th birthday gift. As for your DD’s attitude, I can understand that too, working in mental health is incredibly stressful, especially at the present time and if your DD’s workload is typical, she won’t have had much time for winding down and relaxing. That’s when those closest get snapped at. Difficult as it is, please try not to let your upset spoil the happy occasion. Have a vent to us Grans instead, we know where you’re coming from! I hope you all have a lovely day x

I feel for you I really do. Whilst it is a natural thing for times to change as they get older. It seems when it suits grown up children, when they want something that's OK. Why when ever it's the other way round are people told "to suck it up". What a very selfish world we live in.

I like Oopsadaisy’s idea of the car! But if that isn’t affordable, don’t worry.
If she is going away to university in September, make her a cake to take with her. She will soon have lots of friends. Whenever she returns home, have a cake ready for her to take back with her. Friends for life!

I totally understand how you are feeling.
I used to teach sugarcaft & ran my own cake making business for years. Naturally I made all the family cakes- wedding, Christening, birthday - the lot.
Unfortunately there were 2 DGC birthdays while we were not supposed to be travelling to see family & my DiL made their cakes- very nicely too but I so missed making them.
I would have been mortified if a 'friend' had made them for her even if I was not able to do so.
Just get in early next celebration & ask what sort of cake they want this time.

Buy your GD a car for her 18th, that should put you firmly back into top spot, let the cake go.

I am feeling guilty. I have only ever made a few cakes in my life. Definitely no birthday cakes... I used to buy those for my children. My daughter makes fantastic cakes in all sorts of designs, and bakes her own bread and cooks quality meals.. but I do nothing. .. I am a washout...but at least I did look after my grandchildren and take them on the school runs and out for little treats occasionally.
I agree with people who think Armoria could maybe take some cupcakes or other little cakes.. and don't feel offended! The granddaughter will always love her grandma, just as my grandchildren love me, useless though I am at baking.

True

Elrel

Can you talk to GD, tell her how much you’d like to make a cake, not the actual 18th cake. Tell her it can be any design she would like.
I’m sure it would get eaten. Don’t forget to warmly congratulate GD’s fiend on their skill!

Elrel, saying what you suggested to the granddaughter would sound a bit desperate I think. Friend is making the cake and grandma doesn’t need to, no point making the granddaughter feel awkward. Grandma has done every special occasion cake for 17 years, time for her to step back now, that era has passed. We all have to adjust to our grandchildren as they grow Up and it’s not easy. Nothing lasts forever.

Why make another cake ?
As someone said earlier it might look as if you are trying.to compete.
It is not a slap in the face .
As you say things move on.
Forget it

MissAdventure

Apologies, that was rude of me.

....but rather funny.?

Apologies, that was rude of me.

Why not bake a big cake and secrete yourself inside it, so you can jump out on the big day?

I would do as Grandmabatty suggested make a smaller special cake for her for when she comes to see you next. In the same situation I too would feel put out, but it is something we have to accept our services are no longer required as they once were.

Bloody cakes! My sister and I made our brother’s cake for his first wedding. That fell apart and for his second wedding he asked my sister to decorate the cake made by his MIL to be. Cue sister: “I can’t decorate it if it isn’t level, I can’t get to the wedding it’s on a Friday, I don’t know how I can get the cake to them on the day’ Months of whining to me.
As time grew short brother asked if I would decorate the cake because it would solve all the problems my sister had moaned about. I said to brother OK, but make sure it is OK with sister, I didn’t want to tread on her toes. He didn’t ask her and when she found out from my mother ’I’ had betrayed her! Going forward I was excluded from family gatherings, when my sister and brother were there, and according to my mother ’everyone’ thought I should apologise to my sister. The pathetic wimp that my brother is, never owned up to what he had done and I was ostracised from the whole family. My mother made my brother and sister executors to her will and they ganged up against me, stole from the estate cooked the accounts and seven years later have still not given me the money my mother left me. They’ve badmouthed me all around the family. What I find hurtful now, is that knowing how badly I have been treated, both my ACs are friendly with my brother and sister and don’t offer the slightest sympathy, let alone support. The moral of the story is: be careful of doing your best to help out because it will be turned back as a stick to beat you with!

Don’t worry just make a cake anyway everyone likes cake and it won’t go to waste am sure you could say I shall make a cake for family your friend can make the cake for the party’s so all good Enjoy the get together xx !!!More cake the better in my opinion!!!!!

However nice and mature they are, the average 18 year old doesn't know their parents have feelings, let alone their grandparents.

Your Dgd probably considers herself an adult, and us probably consciously breaking with childhood traditions. No matter how wonderful your cakes were, for now they've probably been classified as "kid stuff". Adults of course make different choices.

Let it go. Don't let on that you feel hurt about it. It will not do you any good. You don't want to be labelled as needy and possessive.

Grandchildren, like our children grow up, move on and have other special people in their lives. This is the cycle of life. Be grateful for all the lovely times you have enjoyed together, nothing will take those away but it's time let go.

It's your granddaughter's birthday, she's a grown up now and it's up to her to choose who makes the birthday cake. You don't own the birthday cake franchise and please don't turn it into a competition with alternative cakes or cupcakes. Just cherish that you will always be part of her life, and you will continue to share special celebrations over the years but it will be different from now on. Don't jeopardise that future for a cake. ?

Why don’t you buy a really special bottle of champagne for the party now that she is an adult.
I’d keep away from any kind of cake, it looks a bit petty.
So sorry you are feeling hurt xxx

I made birthday cakes for my DC and wedding cakes for both my sisters. I have three GC , the oldest is 15, and I have never been asked to make a cake. At the end of the day, it’s a cake. Just relax and enjoy the party. Your GD is growing up. Both of my DC celebrated their 21sts at uni. It’s time to let go a little. You should be pleased that your GD has such a good friend.

I’ve always been of the opinion that everything changes, and this is one example.As grandparents we have to sometimes put on a smiley face and just get on with things even though we might be annoyed. I’m sure no one meant to upset you Armoria, the younger generation are of a different mindset and honestly don’t think. Enjoy the birthday celebrations, it’s not worth spoiling a good relationship over a cake.