Mental Health

I would imagine HR departments tread very, very softly around someone whose mental health is (or maybe isn't, really) fragile.
I also know of lots of people who have planned ahead to go off with stress.

Maybe teaching is different. There's a legal requirement for teachers to be physically and mentally healthy (can't remember the exact wording). There is most definitely a stigma. Blimey growstuff. It's a wonder I haven't been drummed out of the profession by now!

I have also had a colleague who had repeated, lengthy absences for mental health issues (genuine). She left for a year (I was her replacement) and then the school rehired her! I couldn't believe it. She continued to have the very long absences. I just didn't understand why they reemployed her. When she was at work, she was very good at her job, but she was only there about 2/3 of the time!

MissAdventure

I would imagine HR departments tread very, very softly around someone whose mental health is (or maybe isn't, really) fragile.
I also know of lots of people who have planned ahead to go off with stress.

Yes, they do. My daughter is an HR Manager and I've discussed it with her. She was trained in the civil service, so is very clear about the law, but also an employer's responsibilties.

I've just worked through my girls birthday, then my older grandsons 18th, which made me really sad.
I'm not saying I'm tougher, or better.
A zero hour contract also came into play.

GagaJo

*Maybe teaching is different. There's a legal requirement for teachers to be physically and mentally healthy (can't remember the exact wording). There is most definitely a stigma.* Blimey growstuff. It's a wonder I haven't been drummed out of the profession by now!

I have also had a colleague who had repeated, lengthy absences for mental health issues (genuine). She left for a year (I was her replacement) and then the school rehired her! I couldn't believe it. She continued to have the very long absences. I just didn't understand why they reemployed her. When she was at work, she was very good at her job, but she was only there about 2/3 of the time!

It sounds as though that school could do with some HR advice. Many years ago, when I was Head of Department, I was persuaded to employ somebody with known mental health issues. She was bipolar and an absolute star at interview. She was easily the best candidate on the day, but the following two years were a disaster and caused all the rest of us so much extra stress.

MissAdventure

I've just worked through my girls birthday, then my older grandsons 18th, which made me really sad.
I'm not saying I'm tougher, or better.
A zero hour contract also came into play.

But you did get through it! You're allowed a little cry .

Yes, I just refuse to give these things too much headroom, because i felt so, so low at first.

I'm not exactly the laughing policeman these days, but i would never want to feel that ill and down again.

So, now that leads to me saying that I can now understand how people just can't deal with things.
I was a "pull yourself together" person, but now..
I'm on the fence, I think.

I know and understsnd that mental health is like anything in life and that some people may use it to their advantage as people do absolutely anything. That's more of a character flaw than anything though. Someone with an anxiety disorder would find it hard to apply for a job that anxiety would prevent them doing. Of course they may gain anxiety later due to whatever reason and lose their confidence.

However, this is the way I see it:

Its part of a progression. We are going from something being considered shameful to being considered normal because it is normal. So what does that mean for the future?

The person with severe depression may be more likely to get the right help instead of turning to a different crutch or otherwise neglecting/abusing children and giving them their own future MH problems.

The person who might have quit their job and spiralled into a nightmare may overcome and be even better at it, in turn supporting their colleagues.

The person who may have taken their own life and devastated everyone around them may reach out for the right treatment.

All those things impact others if left unresolved. Which means ultimately, this is a positive thing. Eventually perhaps it will be difficult to take advantage as it will be abnormal to not overcome it. Due to society, research, new treatment, empathy and understanding.

Can't argue with that at all.

She was bipolar and an absolute star at interview. She was easily the best candidate on the day, but the following two years were a disaster and caused all the rest of us so much extra stress.

That's almost exactly the same situation that we currently have. And there seems to be little if anything that can be done about it which is grossly unfair on those left to pick up the pieces and get the job done.

You're describing a friend of mine. Incredible at her job. But periodically, she has a period where she can't work. To her credit, she's been told she can claim incapacity benefit (or whatever it's called now) but she wants to work.

MissAdventure

So, now that leads to me saying that I can now understand how people just can't deal with things.
I was a "pull yourself together" person, but now..
I'm on the fence, I think.

Despite what I've written, I am too. It's a difficult balance and I know I don't always get it right.

Something which always gets me are websites with headlines such as "Feeling low? Feeling blue?" and ghastly cartoons asking if thoughts are "wonky", which I think trivialise mental ill health. I know I've some across them when I've wanted help and wanted to scream "No, I'm not feeling low or blue. I'm feeling f*cking suicidal".

A lot of workplaces now are the cause of their employees stress, too.

It's all the more devastating when the rules are adhered to, and it's done in an underhand, sneaky way.

GagaJo

You're describing a friend of mine. Incredible at her job. But periodically, she has a period where she can't work. To her credit, she's been told she can claim incapacity benefit (or whatever it's called now) but she wants to work.

That's a real problem. Ideally, she should do a job with sympathetic employers, where her absence doesn't impact on others. Not so easy to find, I know.

MissAdventure

A lot of workplaces now are the cause of their employees stress, too.

It's all the more devastating when the rules are adhered to, and it's done in an underhand, sneaky way.

I agree with that too! If I had the energy, I could write a book about it. I wish it were possible to be more honest and for both sides to look for some kind of compromise solution. In too many workplaces, the relationship between management and staff is quite combative.

It's a really great subject for much more discussion.

Do you think "workplace stress" has become the new "bad back?"

Another thing I see regularly on FB is advice that 'It's ok not to be ok', with accompanying lists saying that people have to put themselves first, and that if they aren't feeling up to going somewhere they should just cancel, if they don't want to get out of bed they should lie in, if they don't want to keep in touch with friends they should 'have a break', and so on.

This is all well and good, but what about the friend who has arranged a babysitter so that she can go out, or has cooked dinner only to have it cancelled, the partner who was looking forward to a day out (or even a day of shared chores) who can't because the other one is in bed, the friend who ends up posting online because they have been ghosted until someone feels more up to sending a message?

It's ok to not be ok, but it is not ok to inconvenience others, unless it is unavoidable. I think that these memes are another way in which selfishness is normalised in the name of 'mental health', and in many ways I think it is throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Real life really doesn't work that way, though.
I think following that advice would probably see me ending up living on the streets.

I do think we are in the territory of 'the new bad back', but just as for those with old bad backs, it is sorting the sheep from the goats that is difficult.

I also agree that there needs to be a mature discussion with honesty on both 'sides'. I actually think that most people would be on the 'side' of fairness - it is only those taking advantage who would argue against that (although finding a mutually acceptable definition of 'fairness' is likely to be problematic).

I have always found workplaces to be a hotbed of bosses favourites, people who have slept together and now wish they hadn't (or, quite fancy giving it another go) and those who are friends outside of work who can't put it to one side at work.

I think maybe we need to distinguish between pressures we put on ourselves (maybe because we've always done things in a certain way) and responsibilities we have to others.

I've found myself making fewer promises, if I think it's something I'm going to find a real chore. I've also learnt that there's nothing wrong with wearing PJs all day. On the other hand, I do try my best to be reliable and I hope that's how people see me.

MissAdventure

Real life really doesn't work that way, though.
I think following that advice would probably see me ending up living on the streets.

Do you mean that you can't follow the advice of the meme? No, I don't think many of us could, but IMO it is not something to aim for - it is very selfish to think that it is ok to just cancel or to do exactly as you want, just because you want to (generic you, obviously!).

The trouble is, I think, that it is all tied up with the idea that a mental health issue is the same thing as feeling a bit low, or a bit stressed, and that people should be enabled to avoid doing anything out of their comfort zone.

MissAdventure

I have always found workplaces to be a hotbed of bosses favourites, people who have slept together and now wish they hadn't (or, quite fancy giving it another go) and those who are friends outside of work who can't put it to one side at work.

I must admit that being self-employed is bliss, despite the financial worries. In pre-lockdown times, I had two voluntary jobs, but I'm not sure I'll return when this is all over because even in voluntary jobs, there's the same bitchiness, office politics and favouritism, etc.