Mental Health

I found it incredibly stressful.
I hate unfairness, and it went on all around, and somehow I found myself sucked into gossip and sniping.

So, I really shouldn't have gone to work then, I guess?

Sniping is just so destructive. I realised I was getting involved myself, so after taking a look at myself, I decided to install a sniper alert in my brain and now just give people a glassy stare when it starts. I also have an "off button" when people start talking about blame.

Both of which make me appear superior, aloof and unsympathetic. Ah well!

Stress is a mental health issue that negatively impacts the body- It isnt a coping mechanism, its the opposite-

Stress has been normalized in our society eventhough it isnt normal to be "bothered" frequently by every day occurances-

growstuff

Both of which make me appear superior, aloof and unsympathetic. Ah well!

Then "think" humble instead of aloof- Think good listener instead of superior- Empathetic instead of sympathetic-

Put a positive spin on it! And your face and tone will reflect it!

To be honest rosecarmel I'm not that bothered by how I look to others. Listening to people whinging about trivial matters and bitching about others is a waste of my time. There are people who want to suck everybody into a toxic gang and I'd rather leave them to it. On the other hand, people who genuinely need to offload can have all the time they need - and I think good friends know they have a non-judgmental listener.

rosecarmel

Stress is a mental health issue that negatively impacts the body- It isnt a coping mechanism, its the opposite-

Stress has been normalized in our society eventhough it isnt normal to be "bothered" frequently by every day occurances-

Stress has also become big business.

Doodledog I really related to your OP. The type of people you mention do a disservice to those who have suffered real trauma, and have somehow pulled themselves up and dealt with all that life has thrown at them.

I have been the boss of both people with serious mental health issues and people who use "mental health" to take the **!! I have generally found that someone with serious/genuine mental health issues wants to solve the problems, wants to work , wants to work with their boss to find a way through, is open to honest discussion about what works for them and also works best for colleagues/the workplace. If a boss is open and they trust them, it can work to find a compromise that works ...not always, but mostly.

Someone who is using MH to "take the **" does not tend to behave as above ...they might find Fridays and Mondays diffcult (!!!), team meeting days "difficult", project delivery stressful so "need support", being disagreed with "a personal assault that results in another "difficult"Friday/Monday and so on! Over time it becomes clear that such issues are convenient!! Never the case with someone who is struggling with real mental health issues, that I have observed.

There will always be those people who try to manipulate the system with medical problems be they physical ones or mental health ones. A good manager can usually differentiate between them and a person who is genuinely not well.

As someone up thread said , it seems to have become usual to consider sadness, worry etc as mental health problems when in fact its ok to feel these emotions we just need to learn how to deal with them.

Just to say, Doodledog, that I agree with every word you have written. I have experienced the damage these people inflict as they make no attempt to confront their problems, seek endless support and advice but totally disregard it, then
move seamlessly on to another course/college/job/ relationship leaving a trail of disaster in their wake.
It abuses the real mental health problems that some people do suffer, and as you say, are anxious to resolve.

Furret I agree with you and others who have made a distinction between those who have suffered terrible tragedies and life circumstances and those who are a bit sad etc.

Two things, there are different personalities and levels of resilience but also, I remember noticing something in the 1980s/90s when my children were growing up. There was a change within education which was obviously intended to raise the self esteem of children and to increase inclusivity. So, to my shame, I used to groan at the 'sharing assemblies' we parents were arm twisted into at which we had to listen to the 'success' of child after child from very good work to little Johnny who had managed to remember to use a capital letter!! And we all knew that little Johnny was a right little villain from a family known locally as trouble!
So I'm exaggerating here for effect, but, I think there was a movement from the 1960s onwards, perhaps led by those who had suffered post war child rearing harshness (?) to make life better for you g people and now it's got to labels such as snowflake generation being thrown around. I saw it extended through workplace legislation and now everyone has to be praised for everything it seems and it's a kind of madness. I do think my adult children have an admirable level of dealing with the distinction of different kinds of distress and I wonder if when our generation has passed on, this will all have levelled into better understanding. I don't feel totally comfortable with what I've written because I don't like being harsh. I do think we may have created the problem we are complaining about!

I agree somewhat with the OP. It seems that every celebrity has MH issues these days. I'm not saying they haven't but sometimes it seems like a bandwagon. I used to be of the 'pull yourself together' brigade until, after some awful life events, I suffered MH issues myself. I won't bore you with the details but I was in a terrible state, with mental and physical symptoms. If there are people using MH as an excuse for not doing something, I would say please don't. You have no idea.

What a fantastic thread.
I can relate to much of it, coming from a family of " pull yourself togethers ". I've done that all my life in all manner of situations and it's still on-going, but with having the above mindset you can cope better in a more rational way instead of garnering sympathy, falling flat and ending up a heap of misery. It's all dependent on what sort of a character you are.

A certain amount of stress is a good thing, especially in a working environment as it improves determination and focus on the job in hand. Having worked in the NHS for most of my working life and having been very focussed has stood me in good stead. Yes, it was difficult not to wilt at times but I always thought of others around me and couldn't/wouldn't think of" letting the side down " by acting like a limp rag under certain pressures it wasn't how I was brought up !

It's alright me saying this but you can overcome a lot of trials and tribulations in life if you " train " yourself to face these hurdles and be prepared that life isn't going to be easy and straightforward. You do have to face whatever is thrown at you and learn to stand on your own two feet. Background has everything to do with how you react / deal with the pitfalls in life.

I've seen MH at its worst when I did a stint at a mental hospital--"asylum" in my day and have learnt a lot since in differentiating genuine MH from the lead-swingers in life.
Those patients I attended to weren't aware they had MH problems , they were very sick people.

It's such a complex side of medicine as many are visibly sick, particularly those who have chronic illnesses, psychosis, PPP ( post-partum psychosis ) which I have an interest in.

As Kate1949 has mentioned, I think it's very sad that many " use " MH as a means of a " get out of jail free " card in society when genuine MH is not something to be taken lightly or as an excuse for not coping. MH is far far more serious than that.

Most problems arise from anxiety and it's learning to manage this which is a means to an end in coping with this problem.

That's a great post Ellan . On another thread about 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' thread it was mentioned that people can take so much and then they break. I believe this to be true.

But then the amount that each person is going to vary widely, and who is to say what is enough?

There again, should we be promoting the ideas of having days in bed, drinking a bottle of wine, and other things as ok when we're down?

I heard a psychotherapist talk about the ‘breaking point’. She said we should imagine carrying a basket on our backs into which we toss stresses and problems when they occur. Eventually it will become too heavy and the straps snap. It might be a tiny event that causes the straps to break. I have always remembered that — another version of the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’.

Yes indeed Tweedle . I often use that phrase.

Indeed, Kate.
Okay, I'm very fortunate and also thankful that I have a pretty good ( inbuilt )coping mechanism and I'm also more than aware that many haven't.
I've had to be strong for my family---but not in the least bossy--- and I'd always like to think that my strength will be passed on through to them for whatever the future may bring.

To fall at the first hurdle won't bode well for the future. You have to accept knock-backs in life, swallow your pride, dust yourself down and forge ahead regardless.

Nowadays, you have to strike a balance in veering away from the " pull yourself together " to avoiding having to tread on eggshells, tippy-toeing around to avoid unpleasantness. Neither is any good for the MH either and it's left everyone with the task on how to approach certain people.
Good job we can't see our own facial expressions they're worth a thousand words !

I've had to be strong for my family too. So many horrible things have happened. I've kept it all together but last year, as I mentioned before, I went to pieces.

There's a good deal of inequity here (US) that becomes increasingly more difficult to navigate each day- I don't see mental health improving here any time soon-

People can pretend they aren't bothered or struggling for only so long- To shut up about it is detrimental- To them- When they don't shut up about it, it's bothersome to others, others who obviously can't handle lifes problems either when they arise-

So, who is right? Or stable?

I fully understand Kate.
It does make you wonder what it is that keeps you going over the years, but understandably there does come a time when something has to give. I'd look upon it as a safety-valve as the mind and body can only take so much.

My problem is remaining compos mentis

You seem very compos mentis to me Ellan

But what do we do when someone's mental illness is seriously impacting on the stress levels and health of those around them? The person who is ill is receiving treatment and support. But those around them (and I'm thinking if in the workplace here) are having to increase their workload to pick up the slack and are just expected to get on with it. Another problem is that the behaviour of the person who has mental health issues, often has extreme mood swings and behaviour patterns which again put those around them in the position of treading on eggshells and trying to keep a good workable environment. Those people get no support; they just have to get on with it.