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“Curious” neighbour

(117 Posts)
Esspee Thu 27-Aug-20 13:11:09

I would like to know your opinions to see if perhaps I am being unreasonable.
We have neighbours we get on very well with but I feel really uncomfortable with these behaviours.
This morning I called the wife for a chat, offering to put out their bins next week while they are on holiday. During our conversation I mentioned we were looking forward to a break in the same beautiful area, different hotel, next month. She asked who we had booked with.
30mins later she called back to ask if we had paid the extra £30 a night for a sea view room.
Now I am as nosy as the average person but if I had researched someone’s holiday I most certainly would not have announced the fact so overtly.
The husband is the same. We had an altercation with the council which only applied to our home. We were discussing it with our neighbours but happened to mention we couldn’t remember the exact date the driveway had been damaged. The husband said he would look up his diary for the previous year and let us know. ?
Am I being unreasonable in finding their interest in things that are in no way any of their business odd?
Clearly they think their interest is normal as they are so overt about it.
Am I weird or are they?

barbaranrod Sat 29-Aug-20 08:06:46

well after reading about nosey neighbours ,i have to tell you about ours ,this really takes the biscuit ,when my husband and i retired ,he came over to ours, actually knocked on the door ,and asked us ,"well how much are your pensions ? ?? you can live it up now cant you ," on seeing our amazed faces ,he says well i only asked to see if you got the same as me ,,so how much are you getting ?,.we were so stunned and finally i got my voice back and told him ,.dont worry ,it is a Kings ransome and shut the door in his face ,Friends can hardly believe this when i tell them

Frankie51 Sat 29-Aug-20 08:34:11

It's weird. They are very nosy. I had to drop a "friend", because of similar issues. Anything I told her was repeated in front of a social group we both belonged to especially details of my divorce . I left the group and cut contact with her. Years later she still rings my number (I blocked her calls, as I felt she was pursuing me) Some people are incapable of keeping their nose out of others private business. I would withdraw interactions with them, just stick to pleasantries. I have a lovely neighbour who knows everyone and everything that happens in our street, but she is not a gossip, just extremely friendly. She's a example of how neighbourliness can work to benefit everyone. If someone is having a bad time, we are all told so we can offer help, that sort of thing. If we need help with something, this person knows who can help.

albertina Sat 29-Aug-20 14:05:35

It's totally weird, but I suspect that there a lot of folk like them.

When new neighbours moved in next door the husband knew everything about me without ever having had a conversation with me. It came out when we did speak some weeks down the road after their arrival.

He had used his position as a religious leader working in a nearby prison to look at every bit of information available about me. There was a lot as I had been married to a policeman and was now working as a primary school teacher.

His excuse for such a grave intrusion into my private life was that he wanted to be sure he wasn't living next door to a paedophile.

He was often caught by me as he ogled my young teenage daughters as they sunbathed in the back garden. He caused a lot of upset in the area and stayed here for eleven years.

welbeck Sat 29-Aug-20 20:22:55

sounds like he abused his position to access some records on a computer system that he could get into.
to do so without legitimate cause could be seen as malfeasance in a public office, which is a crime.
certainly data protection breach and a disciplinary matter.
as for the ogling, well, there's a surprise...

Eloethan Sat 29-Aug-20 23:56:36

You divulged quite a lot of information yourself so I wouldn't see their behaviour as particularly intrusive.

If you find them too nosy, then it's probably best not to talk about anything personal.

vegansrock Sun 30-Aug-20 05:50:34

I would like to think my OH is a friendly neighbour rather than nosey. He seems to be the go-to person when anyone is locked out/ has a leaking tap/ there is a bat flying round their house( he rescued it with a towel and fishing net)/ their window lock is broken/ they want to borrow a tool/ they want some shelves put up etc. These have all been in the last couple of weeks. It seems most on here want to be isolated from their neighbours and never pass the time of day with them. Which seems a bit sad. I enjoy living in a small community where we actually know our neighbours. It’s been especially helpful during lockdown.

Whitewavemark2 Sun 30-Aug-20 07:02:30

Well I wouldn’t call it weird, just different to you.

We tend to be introverts and so don’t push ourselves forward in the neighbourhood, but there are others quite different and seem to know everyone and their ins and outs.
Quite honestly if it wasn’t for these sociable types we would hardly know anyone, but because we have some who invite people around and we all gather to enjoy an evening meeting each other we know a lot more people, and thoroughly enjoy ourselves!

We have new neighbours and already it is clear that they will be the big on friendly types and I’m really happy about that. We are quiet and introverted they are extroverted but not noisy.

A mix is good.

Tanjamaltija Sun 30-Aug-20 09:54:41

"This morning I called the wife for a chat, offering to put out their bins next week while they are on holiday..." It is this kind of interaction that makes them think you are game. Please do not engage in "too" neighbourly conversations with them. Re the dustbin-searching someone else mentioned... the neighbour of a friend of mine riffled through the recyclables bag "for wrappers that had points in a gift scheme" - or so she said.

Calendargirl Sun 30-Aug-20 10:07:51

We used to live next to people who had a garden shed, and apparently he had cut out a spy hole in it so he could watch what went on around him in secret, he was quite boastful about it.

When we moved to our present home, we had elderly next door neighbours who were quite interested in any alterations or comings and goings. My sister said she wouldn’t want that, but to be honest, when we were both out at work all day, it was reassuring to know that Ethel and Tom(not their real names) were keeping an eye on callers etc.

Ethel has since died, but they remain some of the best neighbours we have ever had.

wetflannel Sun 30-Aug-20 19:10:07

I can't stand nosy people, we live in a small village and everyone seems to know everything. Hubby and I keep to ourselves, just a courteous hello. I certainly do not divulge any information. When we first moved in we had a lot of refurbishment done, golly every delivery I could see curtains twitching.

Maggiemaybe Sun 30-Aug-20 20:23:51

It seems most on here want to be isolated from their neighbours and never pass the time of day with them. Which seems a bit sad.

I agree, vegansrock. I’m happy to live on a street where we look out for each other. Somebody showing an interest in where we’re going on holiday (though at the moment chance would be a fine thing!) is a very small price to pay.

Callistemon Sun 30-Aug-20 22:32:46

We're not in each pockets here by any means but know that we would always be ready to help each ther.

Really, we should be downsizing but we're reluctant to move away.

Puzzled Sat 12-Sep-20 15:45:58

Sad really, so little in their lives to occupy their minds and time.
But divulge as little as possible to feed their curiosity.
You could wind them up with tales of the unbelieveable.
"Going cruising on my friend's huge yacht in the Mediterranean", "About to book a flight into space"and so on!
Try asking their advice on laundering five million pounds, and see what happens!

A friend had nosy, rather control freak neighbour like that. He accosted me as I posted a Society programme through the front door. "Can I help you?" Missed my chance to ask for instruction on how to operate a letterbox!
Hopefully, once they realise that their leg(s) is/are being pulled they will give up.
But you may have to live with everyone prepared to listen knowing what you ate last night, or wore yesterday.

Fuchsiarose Tue 22-Sep-20 23:32:03

I lived near a neighbour once who prevented all of us from sitting in our gardens. They were open plan but individual gardens. It was embarrassing. Seven houses could not have friends or family round as she would just invite herself and sit with our guests. Her back door was always open with a mirror positioned so she could if anyone was out. Her immediate neighbours always moved within 6 months of arriving

welbeck Wed 23-Sep-20 00:15:25

that sounds a strange arrangement, and with obvious drawbacks !, open plan but individual gardens.
i've only seen that in modernistic american style houses, and then only in front gardens.
presumably these ones were rear gardens.
sounds even worse than the dreaded shared driveway.
do you think that interloper might have been v lonely or felt isolated, lacking a social circle; then again with such behaviour it's self-fulfilling.

BlueBelle Wed 23-Sep-20 04:11:27

It really is a bit of a fuss about nothing
They don’t sound like bad neighbours to me and how useful that he had kept a diary and could supply you with dates If they have been social workers All their lives they are used to keeping notes they were trained that way
The holiday example is your own fault as you had obviously fed them too much information

Isn’t it funny if you were away and they Jotted down notes of the man they saw looking interestingly at your back door they d be heroes, with their knowledge if you got broken into

Don’t feed them private info, if you know what they are like
They don’t sound bad neighbours
I wish I knew mine everyone keeps to themselves around my area and after living in service housing where everyone popped in and out of each other’s houses it was a huge shock to the system