Is it way, way off the radar to call a step mum 'Mum'

If the child feels that much affection, it sounds good to me.
A sign that the child and step mother have a good and affectionate relationship.

Far better than having a colder and more distant relationship which accentuates the difference.

I wouldn’t like it. I’ve never been in this position, but I would think it would be confusing, upsetting even, for the child. However, it could be perfectly fine if perhaps the real mum was dead, or just not on the picture. Gut reaction though , is no.

Top answer Hetty58.

For me it’s as long as it comes from the child I have no issue with it. It would sting, have no doubt, but I’d be pleased my child had another person loving them properly.

If the child is okay with it where is the problem REALOUISLY.

My daughter`s children call their dads 2nd wife by her first name, also her husband`s kids from his first marriage call my daughter by her first name.
I called my husband`s parents Mam and Dad, just like he did. All of the husbands and wives did, apart from one, she always called them Mr and Mrs S-----y.

It depends on how the SM treated the child for me and if the child wasn't been forced into doing it.

What is in a name eh? Not sure why OP is wondering about it or if she is the one upset. I had step children who called me by my first name until I had children with their father and then they all called me Mum also. In fact, my dad always called my mother, his wife, 'Mum'. Consequently his workmates called her mum also. Ha ha. never really bothered her, didn't bother us. I don't think it means the kids forget who everyone is, it is probably for ease more than sentiment.

My adult step children call me by my first name. They were 13, 15 and 17 when I first met them. All living with dad. They are now mid to late 30s.
One refers to me as 'mammy' in a jokey way. The years passed and generally if they introduce me to anyone it's usually as mum or as their parents. Their choice. All their friends of course know I am actually step mum. They've been estranged from their biological mum since about 3 years after she left.
All of the dgc aged 3 - 13 call me granny and those old enough know that daddy has another mummy. This knowledge came about quite naturally during conversation when they would have asked questions and were given truthful but suitably gentle and age appropriate answers. Anything like why did daddy's mummy go away I'd say that I didn't know daddy's mummy and perhaps they should ask daddy that one.

I think there is a big difference between in-laws and stepchildren though. In-laws are adults and can make their own decisions about what to call one another, but children are different.

My stepson calls me by my first name, which is fine. His father and I have been married for 37 years. What I find a little bit strange is that in front of his daughter he refers to me as Grandma Cabbie, i e first name.

My stepdaughter calls me Mom. That's her choice. Originally she called me by my Christian name, but she eventually switched to Mom. Her mum is still alive, but sadly they are estranged (long story; LOT of dysfunction over at her mum's home).

Hetty58
It must be a generational thing. I always called my in-laws Mum and Dad. My husband calls my mother Mum.
All my friends did the same. My daughters in law call my husband and I by our given names.
Going back to the original post I don’t see any harm in children calling stepparents Mum and Dad. As long as the child is cared for why on earth should it matter? ?

No way. The mum has full custody so is the main carer. Different if she wasn’t around. Christian name is fine.

It never arose with my step children, they were already teenagers. I'm lucky we always hit it off, unfortunately one of them died. I am very close to my step daughter, we call each other by our first names of course, for a joke I sometimes sign cards to her with a from your wicked stepmother!

I don't think it's appropriate for step children to call a step mother, "mum" if the natural mother is still on the scene, but it depends on the context of the relationship I guess.

I think what a child calls you is immaterial.

What is important, is your relationship with your child. Strong loving bonds will survive everything. It doesn’t matter what your title is.

This question came up on a daytime TV show last week - it must be in the news for some reason.

Personally, I think it is fine if the mum is dead, or entirely off the scene, but if not, no.

I would have resisted at all costs if my children had suggested calling someone else ‘mum’. I would probably have rationalised it and come up with some reason (it’s confusing, or whatever), but the truth would be that they are my children - only they have the right to call me ‘mum’, and I am the only person who should be called it. Jealousy? Maybe, but that is how I would have felt.

Your sister called her in-laws Mum and Dad and you found it annoying?
Have I got that right?

Firstly, really it was none of your business and secondly why not?

The modern way seems to be to call your in-laws by their given name and that's fine but I did always call my MIL Mom.

Feels just plain wrong to me. My exH encouraged my DC to call their stepmother "mum" if they wanted to. They didn't, and called her by her Christian name instead.

I just don't like it personally. My sister would always call her husband's (now deceased) parents 'Mum' and 'Dad' and I found it really annoying.

I think it’s up to the child. I wouldn’t correct them but it could cause problems with child’s real mum. Incidentally I had a step mum who I called mum but my real mum had died when I was three.

If it happens naturally- then it's OK. If it is somehow imposed, then NO.

One of my best young friends is separated from the father of her 10 year old, and has a partner, now husband, of 2 years and a new baby. The daughter absolutely loves her step-dad and feels so wonderfully comfortable with him- and she sometimes calls him 'dad' - totally naturally. It would be wrong to correct her I feel.

I would have been furious if I'd heard my dd calling ex's wife or partner 'mum' and would have taken steps to stop it.

Thank you everyone for your posts ....

Context is key on this one I think - if all parties are co-parenting well and there are no hurt feelings over it, then IMO it’s ok.
Also if it’s instigated by the child (regardless of hurt feelings) I’d say it’s ok.
Out with these scenarios I’d be v wary.