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AIBU

Is it way, way off the radar to call a step mum 'Mum'

(37 Posts)
Serendipity22 Sun 30-Aug-20 20:01:22

Can I ask your opinion on the matter of a step mum being called Mum when the Mum is alive and kicking and has full custody of their child.

smile

BlueBelle Sun 30-Aug-20 20:06:37

Wouldn’t work for me

Pantglas2 Sun 30-Aug-20 20:06:54

Is it the child that wants to?

rafichagran Sun 30-Aug-20 20:07:04

I have to say I would not like it. Everyone is different but it just seems strange.

sodapop Sun 30-Aug-20 20:13:01

Seems unusual but why do you ask Serendipity22 it would be helpful to know the context,

Serendipity22 Sun 30-Aug-20 20:14:05

The child has been encouraged to call the step mum 'Mum' by the child's dad and its stuck every since ( for years )

Chewbacca Sun 30-Aug-20 20:18:25

If everyone involved in the family is happy with it, I don't see that it matters. But I'm guessing that somebody isn't happy with it?

Pantglas2 Sun 30-Aug-20 20:21:03

Then it’s wrong Serendipity.

Sometimes young children will want to fit in to a step family, especially where the father is called Dad by his stepchildren, and will choose to call his wife/partner, Mum.

fevertree Sun 30-Aug-20 20:22:36

I don't think it matters as long as the child is happy. I had a arranged a playdate with a neighbour's little boy for my grandson when he visited recently and the child who came to play was happily talking about his "two Mums" which I found quite endearing and I thought what a well-adjusted little boy and well done to the parents.

fevertree Sun 30-Aug-20 20:23:46

I should add that he lives with his biological mother and her new partner, and the other "Mum" is his dad's new partner.

EllanVannin Sun 30-Aug-20 20:28:56

My step-children--adults now, called me by my Christian name but all their offspring call me nan.

BlueBelle Sun 30-Aug-20 20:32:17

Well if it’s been going on for years there’s not much you can do about it now So that’s it the child has two mums

Lolo81 Sun 30-Aug-20 21:03:17

Context is key on this one I think - if all parties are co-parenting well and there are no hurt feelings over it, then IMO it’s ok.
Also if it’s instigated by the child (regardless of hurt feelings) I’d say it’s ok.
Out with these scenarios I’d be v wary.

Serendipity22 Sun 30-Aug-20 21:27:05

Thank you everyone for your posts ....

smile

Grandmabatty Sun 30-Aug-20 21:46:49

I would have been furious if I'd heard my dd calling ex's wife or partner 'mum' and would have taken steps to stop it.

biba70 Sun 30-Aug-20 21:54:00

If it happens naturally- then it's OK. If it is somehow imposed, then NO.

One of my best young friends is separated from the father of her 10 year old, and has a partner, now husband, of 2 years and a new baby. The daughter absolutely loves her step-dad and feels so wonderfully comfortable with him- and she sometimes calls him 'dad' - totally naturally. It would be wrong to correct her I feel.

Harris27 Sun 30-Aug-20 21:59:56

I think it’s up to the child. I wouldn’t correct them but it could cause problems with child’s real mum. Incidentally I had a step mum who I called mum but my real mum had died when I was three.

Hetty58 Sun 30-Aug-20 22:03:48

I just don't like it personally. My sister would always call her husband's (now deceased) parents 'Mum' and 'Dad' and I found it really annoying.

Beauregard Sun 30-Aug-20 22:06:22

Feels just plain wrong to me. My exH encouraged my DC to call their stepmother "mum" if they wanted to. They didn't, and called her by her Christian name instead.

Callistemon Sun 30-Aug-20 22:38:22

Your sister called her in-laws Mum and Dad and you found it annoying?
Have I got that right?

Firstly, really it was none of your business and secondly why not?

The modern way seems to be to call your in-laws by their given name and that's fine but I did always call my MIL Mom.

Doodledog Sun 30-Aug-20 22:55:12

This question came up on a daytime TV show last week - it must be in the news for some reason.

Personally, I think it is fine if the mum is dead, or entirely off the scene, but if not, no.

I would have resisted at all costs if my children had suggested calling someone else ‘mum’. I would probably have rationalised it and come up with some reason (it’s confusing, or whatever), but the truth would be that they are my children - only they have the right to call me ‘mum’, and I am the only person who should be called it. Jealousy? Maybe, but that is how I would have felt.

Whitewavemark2 Mon 31-Aug-20 06:54:12

I think what a child calls you is immaterial.

What is important, is your relationship with your child. Strong loving bonds will survive everything. It doesn’t matter what your title is.

TerriBull Mon 31-Aug-20 07:41:01

It never arose with my step children, they were already teenagers. I'm lucky we always hit it off, unfortunately one of them died. I am very close to my step daughter, we call each other by our first names of course, for a joke I sometimes sign cards to her with a from your wicked stepmother!

I don't think it's appropriate for step children to call a step mother, "mum" if the natural mother is still on the scene, but it depends on the context of the relationship I guess.

Gingster Mon 31-Aug-20 08:06:37

No way. The mum has full custody so is the main carer. Different if she wasn’t around. Christian name is fine.

Kittye Mon 31-Aug-20 08:15:52

Hetty58
It must be a generational thing. I always called my in-laws Mum and Dad. My husband calls my mother Mum.
All my friends did the same. My daughters in law call my husband and I by our given names.
Going back to the original post I don’t see any harm in children calling stepparents Mum and Dad. As long as the child is cared for why on earth should it matter? 🙂