Granddaughter not showing any acknowledgment nor volunteering help

Yes, is normal.i have my youngest boys still at home, 17 & 21.At 16 older one rarely did much, now hes older he does his own room, at least, and helps with a shop, or if i ask him to do specific jobs, like dishwasher, or take out bins he will. 17 yr old has just started to do his own room, he does say thank you for meals, but only since i pointed out he hadnt done in past, if i say "bring you washing/washing up down" he does- i think at that age they need you to specifically point out to them what you need them to do,exactly, like maybe a teacher would? Also, they can be food- picky still.Get her more involved,with shopping, or cooking, as its good practice for university.(2 yrs ahead seems a bit early to be 'studying' towards that though, shes barely through high school?) Its never too soon at 16 to be learning a bit of independence though, washing, cooking,tidying up after herself.

It was hard work living with my 16 year old daughter 30+ years ago, don't know if I'd have the energy now. To any grandparent who can see this predicament looming- downsize to 1-bed apartment before it's too late. I wouldn't change my lovely daughter in any way (now).

Sit her down and tell her asap! The teenaged generation fancy themselves as so woke and in touch with their emotions I can't believe it hasn't occurred to her to thank you for changing your life to fit in with hers. Or that it's basic stuff to help out when you're staying in anyone's home. I'm sure her parents would be mortified if they knew. So do it today!

She’s normal ....sorry.... I had one of each and can honestly say that half a dozen of my son, would’ve been easier than my one daughter. Nightmare! Now she’s a child psychologist ...and works with traumatised children. They all ‘get there’ eventually.

Sounds like me at 16.
Not proud of it no, but you can nag a 16 year old til you're blue in the face, but it could be another forty years before she sees the light.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Difficult times all around. Your granddaughter is eating. That's good. It's if she stops eating, that's when you have to start worrying. Things are all over the place just now. Just get yourselves safely through.

I have 6 grandchildren of various ages , they are lovely till about 10 or 11, uninterested till about 17 or 18, then they seem to come out of it as lovely human beings. Give your granddaughter time, don't worry about it, she will change. Does she get an allownce from you? She should be doing something to help round the house. Sit her down and talk about it. Just doing the dishwasher, keeping her room clean, anything would help.
Put a 'wage' on each task. I've seen lists of tasks online with 'wages' on eg.
£2 for putting recycling out into bins weekly, £2.50 for cleaning shower etc.
Might spur her to do something? She's still a child inside, used to being waited on. Could she be homesick and a bit depressed? It might be part of the reason too.

I agree with other GNs here: set up a meeting together, (OH included) at a time when none of you are "rushed". IMO, what's needed is a calm, quiet, non-confrontational, and non-judgmental discussion about how you are all going to get along with living together! You might like to write a list of "points" (that you want to discuss) to bring to the meeting, and ask her to do the same.

No chores, no pocket money or treats. This is how my D treats her 3 charges that she's looking after, (her GC ), 2 teens and a 10 year old.
No problems at the table though. I'm sure if there were they'd be asked to leave the table. Sad as things maybe they have to learn that some behaviour isn't acceptable for their own sakes. Be firm but fair, they're difficult times.

It would appear that there are a lot of grans out there who are looking after their GC for one reason or another.

My son, at 16, spent all his time in his room. It was SO untidy and cluttered I can't even describe it. Coffee cups under the bed for days (I refused to take them), clothes strewn everywhere and only about one square foot of carpet space left uncovered. I just left him to it as I got sick of nagging. Now, in his early 40s, he has his own property which is a dream - furnished beautifully and immaculate. It's a waiting game but can take a long time as I said before. Best of luck but honestly don't worry as it's totally normal. Try encouraging her a little bit and, as someone else said, praise works wonders. Try to explain that you get tired too.

If she has only been with you since July, then that really isn't very long to get used to your living "style". Plus she sounds like she is working hard to get the results she and presumably her parents want. She is under a lot of pressure just now and I would honestly just back off and let her be.

You don't say why she has moved away from her family, but whatever the reason it must be a very difficult adjustment. Give her some space and let her know she is welcome in your home.

As others have said, she sounds like a normal 16 year old.

If she doesn't like your food, let her buy and cook her own some days. I assume her parents provide financial support, as they should.

Insist that she clears up after herself, but, otherwise, be easygoing and let her get on with her own life.

It's not as if she's throwing tantrums, doing drugs or staying out all night - you don't know how lucky you are!

In addition to all the normal teenage behaviour she is also living with all the social distancing rules. All my teenage grandchildren are struggling with the situation (as are we all) but they are showing their stress in different ways.

Unappreciative, sullen, demanding, expecting, know-it-all, loud, volatile and dozzy (sleeping a great deal.). These and many more characteristics are often used description of young people from the about the age of 14is to maybe 21-22 years old. Many of the terms could well have been to us at that age. It is exhausting as a parents or substitute parents to deal with and down right infuriating but most come out of the process, because that is what it is, as really nice generous and caring people who are a delight to know.

So my advice is take time to pamper yourself more frequently to help you retain your patience, be a bit more pushy but expect many sparks and little progress but most of all remember it will end well; in the end.

Sounds as though you are letting her turn you into a hotelier. Tell her, you can't do it all and tell her you don't know what to do for her meals. Take it from there. Sort out what extra work in the house she causes and get her to help (must be at a set time and while you work too even if at different tasks). Food - who shops? who pays for her? so many questions, at home does she make her own? DON'T do invisible work - the bins, laundry (inc airing, ironing, folding, delivery, stowing) you know the stuff. It is all real work and to be shared or done as your part while others work. Needless to say your OH MUST also take part. Everyone will be happier if it is a fair system.

Your Granddaughter needs to pull her weight. Her parents should have had a word with her before you took her in about her her behaviour whilst living with you. If they didn't thats because they are accepting of it and put up with it as some people on here do or have done. You Granddaughter needs boundaries and in order for her to turn in to the nice adult people speak of on here...she needs to start learning now. Effort has to work both ways, Communication needs to work both ways... a sit down talk & rules should have been put in place before she moved in with you.

Sounds about the norm to me. GD should tidy her own room. I would also encourage her to do her own ironing - good practice for the future. Let her get her own food. She is old enough to put a pizza in the oven, or cook, some pasta, make an omelette, open a tin of beans, etc. She should be able to load the dishwasher. If not she should wash up. Try not to worry or get annoyed. All teenagers are morons until they are in their twenties and have their own homes. Good luck and well done for having her live with you.

My husband taught physics and twice in girls schools. The first thing they said at interviews was can you teach year 10. He cottoned on eventually and got out of it. They were a nightmare!!! They were awful in every way. To top it all we had our own year 10 daughter at home. Sulky isolating opinionated condescending secretive resentful (inbetween lovely) . She apologised age 29 lol ?. I don’t think it’s usual for teenagers to appreciate much even I didn’t and that was 50 years ago.

I understand how you feel, maybe like me you were working when you were sixteen and your attitude to life would be totally different.
Nowadays teenagers are still considered to be children and every whim catered for.
My GD is polite and eats when she visits but I do think that it would be a whole different ballgame if she lived here semi permanently.
Try and let it wash over you otherwise it will get you down.

If you get really desperate treat her as an adult,take her to the pub/caff and have an adult to adult chat about how you/she feel(s) about it all. Neutral territory is key. You could kick off by saying you think she isn't happy and what would make a difference. After a heart to heart things will probably go back to what they were but both parties will probably feel somewhat relieved.

With teenagers you have to be aware of other issues that can be impacting on their lives. Kicking off, in is various forms from not communicating, picking at food, being moody, to slamming doors etc Are a way of saying I'm unhappy, I need to talk to you about something. It could be very little like having a bad day, to general unhappiness to very big issues like, friends have asked me to drink alcohol in the park this weekend, and I don't know how to tell you with out you shouting at me.

Food is a big one. Can you image if some one called your gran daughter fat at school ie the class room bully. Now your gran daughter is questioning her image, which is so important to teenagers. But it could be some thing simple like she is missing her parents or worried about exams.

Communication. or being able to talk to your grandaughter about any thing with out being judgmental or critical of her is important. You have to set boundaries, but also provide reassurance and support as she grows.

I have two teenager children who do very little around the house. It seems to be normal these days. To be fair they surprise me at times. It sounds harsh but don't expect gratitude. Your doing a good job, just keep talking to her.

It might be normal behaviour for a girl of her age, but it doesn't have to be acceptable! In regards to food I would try asking her what she likes to eat & then if you can manage it make a plan to prepare & cook together at least once a week. When I was young we had to try everything on our plate at least twice before saying no thank you if we didn't like it. Remember as much as you love taking care of her that you're not her servant & she must make an effort, show some respect & help out a bit here & there. It doesn't have to be a daily list of heavy duty stuff, just little bits and bobs that don't take long when you need a hand like laying/clearing the table at meal times, doing dishes, take bin out,help you peg washing out or fetch in, peel veggies for dinner, pop to the corner shop etc, etc Make sure every time she does anything that you say "thank you that's a big help" and she will feel appreciated and more inclined to do more in future & may even ask if you need anything done.

I feel so sorry for this teenager, not the Grandparent. There must have been a traumatic reason why she was no longer welcome at her own home. I am only guessing but it sounds as if she doesn’t want to be at the Grandparents any more than the Grandparents want her there. As for chores, do you not think that she has enough going on with her studying and trying to get enough marks in order to get to Uni. She sounds to me as if she needs more loving and understanding rather than whinging because she is not doing chores.

The more you pander to her whims, the less likely she is to start helping around the house and eating properly. Ask her what she wants to eat, and if it's within reason (and expenses budget) make it for her, but you don't have to eat what she does. Unless she helps you, you won't have time to wash her clothes or take her here and there... because you were managing fine till she came along.