AIBU??

Maybe the O Poster doesn't live in the UK, it's hard to imagine anywhere here that requires an 11 or 14 hour journey!

I do appreciate all you say wiggys52.

I won't be seeing my daughter or granddaughter this Christmas + my birthday on 30th December. She's had a similar tough year too and has no in laws to support her. Her area is now in lockdown and she's worked from home since February. They come every year.

She did drive the 200 miles to see us at the beginning of August but has cancelled coming at half term and Christmas .

Christmas is going to be emotionally difficult for thousands this year.

But, I know we will get together as soon as safely possible to do so

OP

Get ready for the day that your dd decides not to drive every other year.

Is there a reason you dont drive yourself or arrange your own transport and meet her at her sister's?

Btw, is she the only one with the longest drive? Do you have another adult child that stays put and never drives?
Where do you all stay during these trips?
You also have to consider the financial aspect of this - not cheap

"It's my turn, it's ILsx turn" is not correct. Your dd chooses to see you, it is her christmas too.
When is her turn?

I feel bad for the poor child, dragged around for the sake of family. I hope he/she has a call on this decision

One year, your dd will say: I am done with this and I want to spend xmas at home with my kid by myself
Imagine "it's your turn"
Are you going to try to claim it and remind her of the agreement?

Your bday has nothing to do with this.

It is time to be realistic about Christmas and special occasions vs the fantasy in our heads.

Given the current circumstances I think it’s far too early to be planning who is going to whose house at Christmas!

It is only one day, what about all the other 364??? We do not see American family over C'mas, and rarely the nearer ones, who won't leave home! (only an hour away)

No longer have a tree or decorations.

Hey-ho!

Doodledog, just wanted to comment on your excellent response. Realistic and thought-out but basically kind. It was a pleasure to read.

I have been on this site for quite a while and nevered done a reply but today BlueBelle I am totally with you I have a Daughter in Canada with a granddaughter and a son in Australia with two grandchildren I am devastated that I cannot travel to see them and have no idea when I will see them again .when you get to late 60 every year is precious 're long haul travel.Hopefully when the borders are open we grandparents will be given priority but won't hold my breath. Please grans with GC in the same country just take what you can and be so grateful you are not oceans apart.

You could have a zoom Christmas, where everyone including the In Laws remain at home and all have a chat, a drink and a meal at the same time. We have done this by Skype with family overseas in the past. While it is not the same, under the present situation it could alleviate some of the stress for everyone.

why not meet up half term as suggested.why have you not met up somewhere before now ?

I'd rather see my family than not if you get my drift.

I am sure the alternate year thing was set up because of a sense of fair play!! Remember at present it is only 6 in the house if that. This year I am afraid most of what is normally done won't happen but anyway there is no point in making plans at present, I guess it is a case of giving way gracefully and making of the day what you can.

Sorry, I'm another who can't understand all the fuss and palava over one day--two at the most.

I hesitate to add that this year is going to be entirely different and unnecessary journeys from county to county are at a greater risk than ever at that time of year.

I'm also trying to figure out where you live Wiggy that a total drive of fourteen hours would be necessary to link up with both daughters. Is one at Lands End and the other at John 'O Groats?
Seriously though, it isn't your turn and we don't know how things will be at Christmas
Just a thought, is your daughter hoping that she might run into her husband at his parents and is hoping for a reconciliation perhaps.

Too much travelling. You're asking her to drive with child for a 3 hour trip. Then another 11 hours? No way! Then back again?

Once your children get married & then again when the children arrive you cease to be so important- fact of life!
We do not mind at all which day over Christmas they come to us but I do like to get both sons & their families round our table for a good meal at some point over the festivities. We make that our Christmas Day.
It stands to reason that small children would be much happier in their own homes with all their new toys once Santa has been. It is what we did when our children were small- I remember the awful day that we once went to my Dad's - his wife had her miserable old parents there who moaned if one of the boys ( 2 & 4 years old) made so much as a whisper & we never did it again!
As long as you all get together it does not matter what the calendar says.

Kamiso,in case your post was directed to me,I should have said that Wiggy 52 should forget about worrying about Christmas now as it is more than 2months away not that she should forget Christmas altogether.
As others have said we don't know what will be happening then.

Go another day - I love Christmas with my girls but they each have other commitments so I accept that sometimes we are together Christmas Day and sometimes we aren’t. Every days a special day with those you love - who knows what’s going to happen with the virus , we could all be back in lockdown.

Don’t see why people who aren’t interested in Christmas can’t at least show some sympathy to others that do enjoy it and are feeling sad and disappointed.

We will probably be having a very quiet Christmas so going to order a decent joint of beef and cook last year’s Christmas pudding that somehow got missed out.

Our butcher is looking forward to a good Christmas as most people will be in their own homes cooking their own dinner.

Oh dear, the old green eyed monster, I’m a fully paid up member of this club. To my cost. ?
Big girls knickers on, don’t let your daughter know how you feel. It can only cause bad feeling.
This year is far from normal, lots of families won’t be together, so we must just make the best of an awful situation.

Yes you are being unreasonable and let us say you are being envious rather than jealous.
You are bound to feel that way but we have all got to make sacrifices.
Christmas is more than 2moths away.
Forget it.

Personally, I don't feel you are being unreasonable asking to see your DD this Christmas as the in-laws have seen so much of them this year and will probably be glad of a break.
However, I don't know if you are in the UK (can't think of anywhere that would be a total journey time of 14 hours!) - but if you are, as others have said, it is very unlikely that extended families are going to be able to get together this year.
If you can, a simpler solution might be for you to visit your DD 3 hours away for Xmas?
I really hope that all the Christmas hype takes a backseat this year and that people celebrate sensibly and quietly in the best ways they can.

It seems a long time I’m sure since you’ve seen at least one of your daughters. Could you contact her and try to arrange another time to see them, explaining how much you miss them. Does it have to be Christmas? I think I’d ignore the date so to speak, and just get to see them all in one way or another.

Post out the gifts in plenty of time. Nobody opens them until the Family Zoom. It's up to you and your family to chose whether that will be like the Royals on Christmas Eve, or The Day itself, or Boxing Day. Dress up in your best/daftest Christmas jumper, for the Zoom. Cook the simple dinner you really want to eat. Fill your glass with your favourite tipple, cos you are not driving. Ignore the weather, as you are cosy and safe inside. Make things work for the time we are living through. Our Muslim and Jewish neighbours have already Covid coped with two big festivals. It won't last forever.

3 hours + 11 hours drive away. Do you think this is a reasonable amount of time just to spend one day together?
You had your covid free time last year so why impose on your IL's time this year?
Yes it has been a very hard year for everyone but that's no excuse to expect your daughter and grandchild to travel so you can have a nice christmas.
Just a suggestion, why not wait til this is over & the weather is nicer and book a nice lodge inbetween you all and have some stress free family time.

Just wondering does your DD also feel that her child might want to see her father over Christmas? Presumably if she's planning on going to the in-laws he will be there. When couples split up Christmas becomes even more of a nightmare. Cut your DD some slack, she's got enough on her plate, try to be positive for her. If you can, do a weekend before, or after, and make it your family celebration. Don't think she's neglecting you, she's just doing her best to cope.