AIBU??

well I think this virus has raised so many feelings inside of all of us.. why else all these criminal activities, fighting, stabbings etc? deep , deep thoughts go on inside me,, why is this? what is happening to humans, the world? so much that we do not understand..

you have to be kind to yourself, then as you say,, pull up big girl knickers! love that saying..

but be kind to yourself,, we humans,, deep sighs!

Personally I'm not planning ahead for Christmas yet, it's too far in the future when the restrictions are changing constantly - I've been under local restrictions, taken out for a few weeks and now back in again! Who knows where we will ve by Christmas.

I disagree with those people who say Cgristmas is only one day, yes technically it is but the country seems to shut down for at least two weeks so it can be rather lonely for people who live on their own. Many activities such as Carol services, meals for pensioners, Christmas markets, volunteering etc seem to have been cancelled this year in my area so it will be a case of staying in the house.

I hope that any restrictions in place are not lifted for 24 hours just to allow visits, it would be so unfair on those religions who did not get these concessions, there were no special measures put in place for Eid for instance. Imagine the increase in cases in January if we all go visiting and spreading the virus!

If I do end up on my own, I'll just have to it up with it, I suspect I will come out of the Christmas period several pounds heavier as I won't be able to resist buying some ( a lot) of treats and alcohol!

Mine all live within an hours drive. I am sooo not having them all together at Christmas.

I'm not even going to see them in rotation. Another good way to infect your whole family!

Wiggys52

I’m very sympathetic with your longing to have Christmas as a family but I would not consider asking anyone to drive for 11 hours over Christmas. Preparations for Christmas can be exhausting especially for working parents so the festivities should be relaxed and not interrupted by long drives on winter roads. I am not surprised that your daughter has decided against it as that is the most sensible decision.
If you had asked them to stay with you after a 3 hour drive then that would have been a more practical offer. I don’t want to be harsh but your suggestion does seem a little inconsiderate to me.

Do you really think that's a great idea anyone?

No

I wondered if we might have been able to relax more by Christmas but it's only a few weeks away and we just have to be prepared for a different Christmas for most of us this year.

I understand how you are feeling wiggys52. We have always gone to nearby daughter's for Christmas day but the year before last they said they would be going to their neighbours/friends for the evening and although they had said we could come they didn't want us to as we are not part of the group. I was quite upset but didn't show it. In the end we went for lunch then came home for the evening and invited a couple of friends over which was lovely. Last year we went to our other daughter at the other end of the country for Christmas. She is a much more inclusive type of person and we met with other relatives and some of their friends which was great. I am already worrying about what we are going to do this year. Feel like pulling up the drawbridge.

I agree with Hithere & other GNs here. I wouldn't want to undertake many hours of travel at Christmas, even at the best of times - and this current time continues to challenge us all. While we don't know what's going to happen by Christmas, it's pretty clear that Covid will still be a major issue. Head over heart on this one!

Yes, grandtante driving in car with for hundreds of miles with one bit of your family and then all staying together in a house for a few days with the other bit of your family ?

Do you really think that's a great idea anyone?

its

Pack of Bridget Jones style knickers on it's way via ethernet.

I wouldn't want to be subjecting a young child to a 3 hour journey one day and an 11 hour journey the next day - then presumably the same in reverse a couple of days later. Who knows what the weather could be like, too. Even if the child doesn't get car sick it's not fair to inflict that on a child.

Is the daughter you want to drive to working or have I misunderstood?

I don't think any of us can make plans for this year either.
We haven't all been together at Christmas for over 10 years and the other grandparents (all of them) see the DGC far more than we do but that's life, sad but just how it is.

Oh come on, Christmas is just one day. Make arrangements to bob up and see them on one of the days around the Christmas season. I love Christmas, I go to church and love all the glitter etc. Last Christmas we were so blessed to have all the bedrooms in our 5 bedroom house (and study sofa bed) full of darling family members, and I treasure the memory. Not going to happen this year! DH and I will have steak and chips and take the dog for a walk. We have done it before, he is my second husband etc. It is just as lovely.
As my daughter says, its just a day. Big girls drawers in order. Lots of love to you.

It does sound like jealousy maybe your DD just wants a peaceful Christmas with whoever she chooses and at the end of the day if it had been your turn how would you have felt at been told it was going to have to be changed

I can understand your disappointment, but

It is the paternal grandparents' turn this year. That doesn't change because of corona.

Your daughter is still on good terms with her ex parents-in-law and that is the way she and you should want things to say.

So yes, you need to pull yourself together and be reasonable.

I was a little surprised at the plans you had sketched out for Christmas. Having one daughter visiting and then all going to visit the other doesn't seem the best of ideas right now, anyhow.

Come Christmas, it is sadly possible that no-one will be allowed to have visitors or go visiting.

It is really hard but I would say go with the big girl's knickers. You don't want your daughter to feel torn between you. When all of this is over and hopefully we come through it safely you will know that you did the right thing. That does sound like too much time in a car for children anyway. I'm sure we can all remember what a pain it is for everyone when they get bored and start arguing and are kicking the back of your seat. A perfect storm waiting to happen.

Wiggys52, it’s all rather hypothetical at the moment isn’t it. I guess you may live in Scotland (as I can’t think of anywhere else that would be an 11 hour drive ) the rules there are independent of England so you may not even be allowed to leave Scotland, if my assumption is correct..
Personally I wouldn’t drive anywhere that takes 11 hours! That’s one hell of a drive, I would fly normally but with the current pandemic I wouldn’t go anywhere near a plane or an airport even if it was free.
As it’s not your turn, I think you’re just going to have to sadly accept the fact and look forward to next Christmas when, God willing we’ll all be fit and healthy.

Yes you are jealous , perhaps understandably so.
Under the current circumstances I think you need to stop thinking of yourself and think of the children and the amount of travelling you have planned!
2020 has been a rotten year for many especially those that have lost loved ones due to Covid. Time to just plan a quiet Christmas for hopefully just this year.
PS. I haven't seen any my family , apart from my son who lives with me,since Easter - most only live 30 - 40 minutes away due to shielding. That's just the way it has had to be.

I understand how you feel, but I think the original arrangements need to stand, how would you feel next year if you were ditched at what would have been 'your turn' in favour of the in laws, would cause ill feeling all round. Surely you can go up just before or just after Christmas, with your other daughter. And there must be flights or trains, rather than an 11 hour drive?

Sorry.
In-laws "turn". You have to suck it up.

Very sympathetic, I haven't seen my son and grandson since December after visits have been cancelled. We hope to see them mid November...over 5 hours away ...but who knows .
I HATE THIS.

I don't think this is the year to follow the usual pattern of Christmas with this lot one year etc. If her in-laws are really supportive and she says that she hasn't seen her mum for nearly a year, little one not seen granny for nearly a year, I think they'd be pretty hard-hearted to say 'But it's our turn'

I can see where you are coming from but it looks like they want to stick with the regular schedule, which is reasonable. How old is the grandchild? An 11 hour drive is not reasonable in most instances, I think. I would definitely not have done it with children.

Wiggys52 I'm a bit puzzled. You say you haven't seen your DD and GD since February yet now, when in many parts of the country Covid rates are rapidly increasing, you are planning a family get together? Christmas is looking very uncertain as a family celebration for us all, even with family nearby.

Christmas is a time for giving. So give your daughter the gift of being able to spend the Christmas holiday wherever gives her the least stress and upheaval. It would be a sign of your love and recognition that she's had a tough year and you just want to make life easier for her.
I too don't "get" why families get so hung up about who spent Christmas with who/who's turn it is this year. It's just 2 days out of 365.

Personally I think this is a crazy idea, for all the reasons listed so far.
If I have this right, your daughter lives a three hour drive away, so why haven’t you met up since February? Especially as she has had such a bad year. Could you consider doing so at half term, if her child is of school age? Meet half way, or you go and stay in a hotel near to her? Why wait till Christmas when the weather may be worse, daylight hours are short, so much traffic on the roads?
I just don’t get this whole attitude of we must all be together for Christmas.