AIBU??

I am glad Australia is managing covid properly.

The amount of hours in the car is still excessive

At least in Australia will at least be longer daylight hours
But it’s still an extremely long drive

Restrictions are lifted.

My brain is a bit addled this morning, it's on what I should be doing if I wasn't procrastinating!

janeainsworth

A 14-hour journey x 2 is still a 14-hour journey x 2 whether you’re in Australia, America, or Outer Mongolia

Yes. We've done long journeys in the bush or outback, towing a campervan. With a child, you need stops, preferably overnight ones.
It could be very hot, too, at Christmas.
It's not something I'd want to do in one stretch, especially with a little one.

Can you all have a reunion somewhere in between when any restrictions are restricted? Christmas is just one day, after all.

YABU, it's not your turn - and nobody likes so much travel either!

A 14-hour journey x 2 is still a 14-hour journey x 2 whether you’re in Australia, America, or Outer Mongolia

To clear a couple of things up I live in Australia

I did wonder (see my post of Fri 02-Oct-20 15:33:49), so it's down the road a bit, turn left.
However, we weren't aware of that. Are state borders open now?
If it's any consolation, half my family are there and we've no hope of seeing them yet because your borders are closed.

Thank you for all your comments. To clear a couple of things up I live in Australia, so distance is different over here. Also our quarantine regulations have been very different, i.e I live in one state and 3 of my 4 children live in another. We haven't been allowed to cross borders. Where I live there hasn't been any covid for over 150 days. We also live rurally, on acreage. Hopefully state borders will be open before Christmas and naturally we will be going to see all of them as soon as the border is open., A few of the replies miss the fact that I was venting. Obviously I would never say anything to that particular daughter. We have family chats and videos etc. And yes I have ordered in extra 'Big Girl Knickers'!(grin) A few noteable comments from: Sodapop, Callistemon, polnan, Meta and Icanhandthemback - thank you all

My only daughter goes to in laws every xmas I used to be a little hurt about this but I understand that her husband has siblings who all have children of a similar age and the children have more fun with others to play with.
My partner and I always pop over Xmas morning so we do spend some time together and we have an open invitation to join them at in laws but i feel that MIL has enough feeding and hosting to her large brood.

I understand your disappointment wiggy, it’s hard Knowing that your daughter is spending so much time with people who are not you. However, I do believe you need to separate that from the issue of Christmas. The rota that your daughter has set up has her at Christmas at her in-laws this year. And if that’s what she wants to do then you need to try to respect it. Just think how upset you’d be if she canceled your year.

As far as your road trip plans, I think they are unreasonable. 28 hour round trip in a car at Christmas? That sounds like a perfect way to ruin Christmas to me.

I wish you luck getting the big girl pants on x

No-one should be driving that far or planning to just now as plans could drastically change at last minute. No wonder this virus spreads so easily! Plan to have Christmas at your own house and anything more will be a lovely boon.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think it's time to done the big knickers wiggy. With the virus everything is up in the air this year anyway, so its silly to make a lot of arrangements.

Thankfully we managed a full family Christmas last year. But it was the first time for many, many years. It just fell into place. When our DC started families of their own we decided not to do the Christmas thing. Its just too much of a faff and worry about who's turn it is to go where.

May I suggest you aim instead for a full family Easter? Its four guaranteed days, in better and more reliable weather, travelling is much easier and there's no insistence from other families having to get together so everyone is happier.

We do spend time with family over the Christmas and New Year but fit in with everyone else and don't get upset if we don't meet up.

I suspect that the difference for you is that you haven't seen them at all since February whereas the ILs see them weekly. That is understandable.

However in the end if your daughter does not feel that the circumstances this year should change normal arrangements then so be it, there is little that you can do. How about arranging a get together for the New Year ..just you and this daughter? Save the wider reunion for the summer maybe?

As others have said Christmas is just 2 days. Its the getting together as a family that is the important bit I think.

I was more than happy to give the gift of acceptance and understanding to our kids.
We usually have Open House on Boxing Day with no pressure for anyone to be there and most years we have a house full.

Exactly what I do icanhandthemback. I remember only too well the emotional blackmail of having to drive hundreds of miles to spend Christmas with my parents, and the months of silent treatment we were given when we rebelled and stayed at home one year. I've vowed never to do that to my adult family and simply have open house on Boxing Day.

I have sinceall my children became adults (16) 'done Christmas' on one of the days on the run up. Then there's no pressure on anyone and on the 25th everybody can do as they please. Works for me.

No

I feel your pain, I haven’t seen my daughter and two granddaughters in the flesh since last Christmas. It is very unlikely we will see each other this Christmas, but the other grandparents who live near by will be able to. I felt very sad over this and rather jealous of them, but am now resigned to this being what is happening. Hopefully a better year next year!

Not bothered about seeing anyone at Christmas, it's all too much trouble - dinner, tree, mince pies, chocs, food and more food. Can't be bothered anymore. (Is is just me?!)

Curlywhirly

Maybe the O Poster doesn't live in the UK, it's hard to imagine anywhere here that requires an 11 or 14 hour journey!

Land's End to John O'Groats is 13+ hours.
But then there's the other 3 hour journey in another direction.

Of course, if it is Australia, it's just down the road a bit.

Unless the virus levels are back down to what they were at the end of July I don't think I'd want to bring that many households together anyway. I'd be picking one daughter or the other to spend xmas with. Lucky one of your daughters has somewhere else to go.

jane5

I have been on this site for quite a while and nevered done a reply but today BlueBelle I am totally with you I have a Daughter in Canada with a granddaughter and a son in Australia with two grandchildren I am devastated that I cannot travel to see them and have no idea when I will see them again .when you get to late 60 every year is precious 're long haul travel.Hopefully when the borders are open we grandparents will be given priority but won't hold my breath. Please grans with GC in the same country just take what you can and be so grateful you are not oceans apart.

Hear hear

I am fortunate because my husband's birthday is on 18th December. On the years when it is not "our turn for Christmas" we celebrate on Grandad's birthday instead. Our eldest grandchild now looks forward to "First Christmas" just as much as the real thing.

I don't think it is unreasonable to feel disappointed but it would probably only put stress on your daughter to discuss it with her at a particularly difficult time of her life. She is probably trying to keep things amicable. There might be far more repercussions to change things this year with such a recent marital break up which could make life very difficult for her in the long run. Even amicable break ups can be thrown off track by a perception that you are "keeping the children" away from the absent parent of their family.
If your life balance allows you to, why don't you go to see your daughter and grandchild before Christmas. You could stay in an Air BnB and enjoy some time with them before heading home. If you did it at least a fortnight before Christmas, you could make sure you weren't carrying it down to your other daughter over Christmas.
My stepchildren were absolutely firm over Christmas. The eldest told us from the start of his partnership that he would not be doing every other Christmas with parents and in-laws. With 2 sets of parents on each side, it would just be relentless for his family when he had children and we understood completely. All the other children followed his lead. Having had a lifetime of emotional blackmail if I didn't go to my mother's at Christmas, I was more than happy to give the gift of acceptance and understanding to our kids.
We usually have Open House on Boxing Day with no pressure for anyone to be there and most years we have a house full. This year it won't happen and I did suggest that maybe it was a good time to have a natural end to the event but was completely shouted down by my DIL's!

My family did it in a much smaller country than the UK.
Quality of roads, stops, etc...