Mum taken into hospital

Well done Katyj for staying strong. I have experience on both sides. Having worked for NHS and also had elderly relatives in hospital over the years. There is no way anyone with dangerously high BP should be sent home after a few hours. It needs sorted in hospital and also assessments re falls etc. It sound like a junior Dr was tasked with clearing people out rather than having to fully admit to a ward. Once someone is out of hospital they move from hospital care to social work care and you are often then struggling for help. Make sure you are happy with the situation before she leaves hospital. It may well be there is an intermediate care team in your area which will assess her when she gets home but this all needs to be put in place before she is discharged. On another note Occupational Therapists are alive and well in the NHS. They do not have anything to do with Occupational Health. They assess people's ability to carry out daily living activities and can provide help and equipment to make things easier. They are definitely worth seeking out for help and advice.

Can I just say that no-one at any time suggested when my mum was in hospital that I should take on her care, and this inspite of the fact that she lived in a flat not 2 mins walk from my house. Her care was agreed and discussed regularly. It was suggested she went into a care home but when I didn't like any of the ones available arrangements were being put in place for a team to care for her in her flat. She was 93 and would have been unable to walk because of a pelvic fracture which didn't heal. She wasn't an exception, in her ward there was a woman in her 60s complaining because they would not let her go home until another hand rail was fitted on her staircase. I'm sorry for all those who have been pushed out by hospitals, but it hasn't been my experience. Mum spent quite a few periods in hospital over the years and received some excellent after care when she returned home.

You are doing all you can. The hospital staff - including Social Work unless her care is privately arranged - need to assess your Mum's needs prior to discharge. Mum has been a wee bit naughty saying you would look after her ha! Retired SW here. No, they all have to do their jobs properly and you ought not take on something you are not able to follow through. Let them have a look at her medication and mobility etc Maybe the time has come for more care at home.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/care-after-a-hospital-stay/arranging-care-before-you-leave-hospital/

Katyj, no you are not being unreasonable. Although it's far from ideal to stay in hospital, you've had no time to put plans in place for her return.

It sounds likely that she'll need company and supervision for the immediate future. What are Social Services doing?

From my own similar experience I think you have done the right thing. It is almost impossible trying to get support medical or social care once an elderly relative is back at home. However if you refuse to take on all the caring yourself as you have sensibly done miraculously the hospital and social services get their act together and sort out the necessary support.
Unless you have personal experience of working, caring for grandchildren, elderly parents and running your own house you will not understand the immense pressure pressure katyj is under.
Make sure you take care of your own mental and physical health in all this katyj. There is no problem in asking for help and support from the hospital with the ongoing care of your mother as otherwise as you have already said she will be back in hospital anyway. Good luck xx

Disgraceful Kaasak your poor dad, hope he’s okay. Your right about us not being nurses though, they do expect too much. My mum always says I have more common sense than all the medical profession put together.

No you are not being unreasonable. I know from personal experience that hospitals and social services will do anything to get you to do what is not your job! My father was ill recently. Hospital by ambulance - home a few hours later having been discharged snd told to see GP. Terrible 48 hours of discomfort and pain. Second ambulance called - back to hospital. I collected him several hours later. He came home, went to the bathroom, saw he had a catheter (which no one had mentioned to me at the hospital) Thought it had been left in by mistake and pulled it out! Back to hospital where he stayed for the rest of the week while his medical problems were finally sorted ! The reason you take a car to a garage is to get it sorted by professionals. Why are people any different ? True if it’s just a case of cleaning, cooking, washing etc then fine but we are not trained nurses and caters xxxx

For what it's worth, blood pressure medication is usually fast acting, I seem to remember mine came down within 24hrs. Like your mum I have AF and previous strokes.

The dizzy spells and falling are something new by the sounds of it. I would have thought that 24 hour assessment ie falls risk assessment and 24 heart monitor for the AF.
On this occasion I feel you did the right thing.

LadyBella... said Elderly people are now expected to look after even older people. I care for my Mother who is 95 and lives with us.

and some people wonder why I say what I said.. ie.. euthenasia.. life has become nigh on impossible for some people... elderly people, I have today, heard of a lady of 99 years of age still living alone, and depending on carers...

just shaking my head here...

God bless us all

cc that’s awful.

What comes over on this thread is the sheer number of Gransnetters coping, or being expected to cope with very elderly people, who often have multiple conditions. This is something that needs to be sorted out, but it wasn’t being sorted before, so there’s no chance of it being sorted now whilst Covid19 still being the main focus.

trisher
Unfortunately I think you are correct. I wish it were not so, but sadly it is. It has appeared that different health authorities do indeed offer, or not, different treatments and facilities. You say that it does not appear to be a National Health Service whilst such differences exist and sadly that is correct. Some authorities offer drugs that the authority next to them doesn’t. IVF is a case in point, the differences offered by different authorities is unbelievable really. Our own daughter couldn’t access NHS IVF because in this area, a woman must suffer three miscarriages before IVF is offered. Since our daughter couldn’t become pregnant, there was little chance of having three miscarriages. We offered to pay for IVF and later her in laws went halves with us. The first attempt was unsuccessful. Then she did a lot of research and we went to ARGC in London due to its excellent success rate. It’s a long story but suffice to say she became pregnant with twins and later a single baby, so is now the mother of three. My point is the unequal access to IVF and many other treatments on the NHS. It should be the same for everyone, whether it’s Occupational Health, a cancer drug, IVF, or any other treatment.

Incidentally, they were worth every penny

maddyone I'm not sure Occupational Health exists any more.
We have an Occupational Therapy Department at our small local hospital, trisher.
I'm not sure if it's operating just at the moment, though.

So much going on with the NHS you really have to fight your corner and be strong. The DR in A and E wanted to send her home yesterday, if I had agreed she could well have had a heart attack or stroke last night when her bp shot up. So scary. My heart goes out to everyone on here struggling to look after their loved ones it’s very difficult, especially when your forced to be confrontational when it’s not in your nature. I’m mentally exhausted today and it’s work all day tomorrow.?

No you have to fight for everything these days and we have been in that position many times no one wanting to listen and that’s been two parents hubby and mine. They sent my money their out with really bad dementia back to her home it was only when she collapsed in the street they started to listen!

You did right to refuse until they sort out her problem. My husband was taken into hospital during covid lockdown with unstable angina. Sent home 2 days later with medication ,for heart but really thought he just had a pulled muscle. He was having to use an angina spray to control pain all the time whilst there. 8 days later he has a massive heart attack ,almost lost his life twice whilst in intensive care and is now home a total invalid. If they had spent more time testing before sending him home ,it wouldn't have happened. Covid or not ,you can't send patients out of hospital until they are properly assessed.

Katyj, my Mum is in hospital because of a UTI with falls and it is such a difficult thing to know what to do. We did the same as you last time because her partner cannot cope and my mother refuses to have anybody coming into the house. Her partner is nearly on his knees with as poor a memory as her so I can't help thinking wondering how they are going to manage going forward. The hospital could set up things if we lived in the same county but we are just over the border so nothing melds. Last time Mum was in hospital 3 weeks before they sent her home in an ambulance because we refused to take her. We've limped on for 12 months but the stress of it is just dreadful.
Her UTI has not responded to 2 lots of broad spectrum antibiotics but there has been no testing because of Covid. I kept warning the GP that she would end up in hospital but nobody would listen. It is quite tragic really because now I am worried she will get Covid.
I hope you have better luck with your Mum.

From your original post I gathered that your mum herself suggested that you refuse to care for her, so she stays in hospital a little longer.

It sounds as if there is quite a risk of her having a stroke, as they are doing d--n all about her blood pressure.

So no, you are not being unreasonable. Phone the consultant tomorrow, Monday, and ask to discuss your mother's current situation, or even better ask for an appointment to discuss with him what needs to be done.

If he says, he can't discuss it with you and only with your mum, which he probably will, ask your mother to write you a letter authorising you to talk to him.

Thank you everyone, so many similar stories to my own. The hospital have just been in touch to say, she has to stay in her bp was very high through the night, they’ve tried a new drug, but then her bp fell two low. She needs more tests and can’t come home until she’s stable as she is at risk of falling. Thank goodness she went into hospital we couldn’t have managed this at home.
It’s awful not being able to visit but just hoping she stabilisers soon. I’ve spoken to her carers they have agreed to visit twice a day for now, then we’ll see how we go. Thanks again Gransnetters it’s good to share experiences ,it certainly is a minefield .

For anyone who is under the impression that there is a “community team” waiting to spring into action with help for the elderly, think again.

Local councils have been hard pressed these last couple of years and funding for community services is severely depleted. It’s even difficult to get an adult social worker to visit to assess nowadays.

More people should exercise their right to refuse to take on care in this situation OP well done

Once you take an elderly relative into your home, SS assume everything has been sorted and can be slow in sorting things out. I think the OP was right to leave her mother there, some people seem to be intent on guilt tripping her

It really is so difficult sometimes - someone you have loved your whole life and who has loved and looked after you does not always make you either capable or able to look after them full time during old age/illness. I hope things get sorted out and wish you both well x

Elderly people are now expected to look after even older people. I care for my Mother who is 95 and lives with us. As someone earlier said, unless you have done it you can't possibly know what it's like. My DH and I are in our 70s but my mother doesn't seem to comprehend this. I have arranged for 3 carers per day now to take the pressure off us. My mother is paying and it's costing a fortune but as long as she can afford it this will continue because I just cannot be a carer at my age. But it's still 3 strangers coming into our home and kitchen on a daily basis which we're not happy about considering the virus. Our home is not our own and we cannot relax. Often, when we are out in the car, we stay out longer as neither of us wants to go home. Something needs to be done about this situation that so many of us are in because it takes a toll on our own health. It is like looking after a small child and I cannot bear being asked where I have been or told that I am late back when I go out. As someone else said, I am actually very resentful. Then I feel guilty. People in my situation just can't win. If I put my mother in a home everyone will judge me including her most of all. So I think to myself how long will this go on? Will I be in my 80s before I am free?