Mum taken into hospital

I think you made the right decision. From past experience with my late mother who was discharged into my care with a broken shoulder one side & broken arm on the other, the next time I insisted on her being seen by an occupational therapist to assess her mobility and needs. Needless to say, she was then able to remain in hospital for a few days.
I think your mum would benefit from 2 care calls daily. The evening one could sort out her evening meal etc.
It's a very difficult situation especially with Covid. Even having carers 'in' is a worry.
Be strong when you next visit her. At the least, the hospital needs to assess her medication.
I feel for you and truly hope you can sort everything out.
I'm sure she has one of the call alarm buttons. Make sure she wears it!
Good Luck

I am afraid the paramedics are having to deal with many call outs because GPs are not doing house calls. This has certainly been so in my mother’s case, when a doctor could have treated her (on more than one occasion) without her having a trip to A&E for assessment then immediate discharge. Very upsetting for her, and tying up an ambulance for real emergencies.

I’ve been caring for my stroke victim husband for 25 years ...we’ve been married 48..... the stress is intolerable , but he won’t consider outside agency help or a home......and just thinks it’s ‘my job’ I’m now at the end of a very long tether.... I also worked 6 hours a day up Til four years ago as he won’t claim any benefit and wouldn’t sign any form to allow me to claim any monetary help....dont be bullied into this ‘caring’ role. We none of us has the training or the ability to keep this up long term like I’ve done.....it’s broken my health, and the resentment I feel is indescribable!!

Polnan: I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so low! Also glad that you have a cat who gives you something to live for. Don’t forget you can always talk to us Gransnetters if you need a friend. You sound extremely depressed. Perhaps you could call The Silver Line or the Samaritans, who might be able to help.

I hope that euthenasia soon becomes legal... for me at any rate. it is only my cat that keeps me going

My mother lived happily and independently at 88, no medication or obvious health problems other than coeliac disease.
She'd been feeling unwell and called an ambulance in the middle of the night, they took her in. I was called and drove for two hours only to find that they were planning to discharge her then and there.
Obviously I took her myself as they said that otherwise they would send her home by taxi to an empty house in the middle of the night.
I took her to the GP next day, she had her admitted and she died there two weeks later. She had advanced cancer.
I suspect that they often try to discharge older people even if they are very unwell.

Katyj I have a friend - elderly mother had a fall and received a cut, doctor wouldn’t come out - said call 111. non-emergency ambulance arrived but Paramedics decided to take her into hospital because of low blood sugar - friend couldn’t go with her because of COVID - mother anxious because of separation - friend received phone call to say mother had a stroke and died ... never got to say goodbye, and has to cope with the guilt of calling 111 when she could have managed the cut herself and probably averted the stroke - I certainly wouldn’t any member of my family in hospital right now.

Don't let the hospital bully you into taking her home. She is the medical professionals problem not yours. Incidentally don't believe people when they tell you hospitals are hotbeds of Covid infection. They are not.

Thank you May. It sometimes feels like i’m playing god. But I’m doing what I thought was best and will continue to do so.

Greeneyedgirl. That’s the trouble we’re not spring chickens either. I have 3 years to work before I can have my pension 6 more years than I expected, plus trying to look after mum and grandchildren, it’s not easy. Sounds like you have your hands very full. Take care.

katyj difficulty for you but I think you made the right decision

Yes I agree Luckgirl that’s what I am hoping for. The Dr wanted me to get her GP to administer stronger bp meds today ! how I don’t know ,then look after her until they began working, whilst in the meantime she could have suffered a stroke or heart attack or both. Poor mum.

I do agree that the hospital should be sorting out her BP meds before sending her home to run the risk of a further fall or a stroke. They have her there on tap and can monitor the effect of the drugs. If they are changed by GP when she is home she runs the risk that they might have adverse effects (especially giddiness) and she would be at greater risk.

If she goes to a residential home as an interim measure they are likely to keep her isolated in her room for at least 14 days.

A good post MrsRochester.

It’s easy to be judgemental until you’ve been in such a position. My mum is 96 this month, lives 18 miles from me, refuses to go into a home, is wheelchair bound since a bad fall downstairs some years ago and has carers 4 times a day. She is dependent on controlled drugs for severe arthritic pain, is confused and can be incredibly demanding.

My OH and I are no spring chickens and have had to deal with her frequent medical crises for the last 8 years, plus her house maintenance. It’s no walk in the park believe me, before anyone decides what children should be doing for their parents. Until you walk a mile in their shoes.........

I have every sympathy for those who cannot take this on board.

Sow!

I agree MrsRochester, caring for and bringing up a child is completely different from caring for an elderly person with mobility issues.

For a start, if she has a fall Katyj should not try to lift her on her own. Also, she shouldn't really be left on her own if she's having falls, especially at night. Katyj has other calls on her time and to be expected to drop everything and move in with mum is a bit much. She needs a care plan in place BEFORE she leaves hospital and perhaps it's time to sew the seeds of her moving into sheltered accommodation?

MrsRochester. No truer word said. We are all very different. My mum is the kindest person I know and a born carer. I am not the same, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her, but I wouldn’t enjoy some of it as I have anxiety centred around illness. I have been a carer now for 35 years, been to A and E so many times it’s now turned into a phobia and causes panic attacks, also the phone ringing through the night has the same effect although I would never tell her. But it does show you shouldn’t judge.

Carer. Predictive text!

craftyone

once upon a time she cared for you“

That’s a bit harsh. Not everyone has the ability to be a cater, for all sorts of genuine reasons.

Bluebelle no I wish she wasn’t in there but it feels like the devil and the deep blue sea. She has mobility problems, broke her hip last year so wouldn’t be able to stay with us.

Of course you’re in your right to refuse to have her home but do you want her staying in hospital at this time
I realise you do a lot for her and can’t have her with you and she’s normally ok at home but could you have her for a few days until she gets the needed meds and to see her over this blip

You are in your right to refuse to care for her

Looks like she needs more care than she thinks she needs - that is a battle that is very taxing on you, as it is showing right now.

Welbeck hi yes they said the medication is the gps responsibility which is fine ,only it will be Wednesday next week by the time I could get some for her, then it needs to take effect.im worried about her having a fall or a heart attack or stroke before then.

You’re wise, Katyj to want to know there's a plan in place to control her high blood pressure before she is discharged. She’d probably end up being in hospital much longer if she had a serious stroke or heart attack, as well as the long term implications of both of those for her and you. Hope you get some satisfactory reassurance from the medics soon.