Mums feeding their babies but not holding the baby in their arms !

I haven’t read all the posts here, but by page two, they seemed to be turning very judgmental. I take my hat off to all young mums these days. They are surrounded by the baby police telling them every move they should make and when. Mother’s instinct? ......thing of the past! You’ve got to follow the timetable for the day. Babies are all clones now, with no individualism whatsoever. The most ridiculous thing I heard last week....my daughter’s friend has read that you shouldn’t put a baby who has fallen asleep feeding, straight down. You’re supposed to wake them up, then put them down, so they learn to ‘ fall asleep by themselves’! My daughter hasn’t listened to most of this, and just followed her instincts. She now has a 17 month old who is just lovely. Sleeps well, eats well, and we’ll behaved. Friends children are coming round to ignoring it all too. Our generation were mostly left to it, so much better.

trustgone4sure

Too busy on their phones to be bothered about picking the baby up.
Lazy parenting springs to mind.
I loved the comfort of feeding my two sons.
Firstborn was breast fed second was bottle fed and they both thrived.

Judgmental or what.

I had 4 children who I adore, all bottle fed. My choice because I didn’t want to breast feed. All extremely healthy, not obese. One daughter bottle fed one of hers, breastfed the other. Other daughter bottle fed all three of hers. Their choice. DIL 1 bottle fed her two.
DIL 2 breastfed her one. All their choice. I have extremely healthy grandchildren. Why should you be judged for what you choose to do.

Rosarie Yes you ABU. Not sure if you have children but what does it matter to you so long as the baby is being fed? I would understand more if you said ...the baby was screaming and not being fed at all. Then you would be being reasonable.

Rosarie, AYBU? Yes I think you are if you allow yourself to feel anger at how a stranger feeds her child!
Has OP been back or gone for a lie down?

A few comments as a spectator.
Body contact is important.
Without it we would not be here, nor our children or grandchildren.
Not all mothers can breastfeed, for various reasons. Our firstborn was, but our second could not be so it was bottle feed or starve to mite.
For all the detractors, think on this.
How would like some of the comments about your choices?
Why you wear trousers instead of a skirt, or the length of that skirt,or the colours, whether you wear high heels or flatties?
An anorak instead of a fully fitted coat.
To be criticised for wearing Directoire Knickers instead of a
lacy thong?
Or the way that you cook meals?
Everyone makes choices for one reason or another, in some cases because of little choice, for good or ill.
Remember the adage ; Don't criticise the other man (or woman) until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

We don't know all the circumstances, and lacking all the facts may well reach the wrong conclusion.

Some of the comments here are truly TERRIBLE. Fed is best. Period!

Anyone here ever have mastitis? Hands up! It's one of many things which can affect milk supply, can even halt breastfeeding.

Think before you judge, for you know not what battles others face.

I think I feel so passionate about it @greeneyedgirl since I had daughters. I want better for them especially as my eldest is becoming more aware.

Of course you could walk past a mum who looks engrossed on her phone and she may well be on it too much. But she could could be looking at it for a hundred reasons and people who look at that snapshot and make judgements about her as a parent are the problem. Even the most attentive mums look at their phone, hand the baby a bottle in the pram etc. You know nothing about that person as a parent yet people choose to judge/assume the worst!

Too busy on their phones to be bothered about picking the baby up.
Lazy parenting springs to mind.
I loved the comfort of feeding my two sons.
Firstborn was breast fed second was bottle fed and they both thrived.

I think it’s very appropriate that this subject is aired on this site regardless of the fact that mainly older people read it ladybella and Calendargirl.

In fact I think it is good if those of us of all ages are aware that displaying our personal prejudices concerning other people can often affect them in a very hurtful, negative and destructive way.

It’s not just as a young parent you will experience judgemental and negative behaviour Babyshark as it goes on throughout women’s lives. You can get flack for not dressing appropriately, being uncaring, loud, bossy, opinionated, too fat, too thin, ‘letting yourself go’, too career orientated....you name it, and, it’s often women judging other women

Being a new Mum is hard enough as it is without being judged for how you feed your baby. Unless you know all of the background I think it is best not to judge?

Hithere ''So if a woman breastfeeds
1. It has to be discreetly - god forbids a millimeter of forbidden skin is seen for a second, what a scandal! (sarcasm on)
2. The mother should stay home, or to go to different room in her home if she has guests, go to the bathroom, or changing stall in the pool as so not to make others inconvenienced and uncomfortable
3. How does a mother dare be sexually improper on public! (Sarcasm on)
Etc
4. Some relatives dont like the baby to be breastfeed as they cannot bottle feed the baby
Etc''

so, let's solve the above issues - stop this nonsense and empower young mums to ignore such nonsense - instead of just encouraging them to swap to a bottle. Of course there are many reasons why there is no choice- but that is another story altogether. Many reasons too why giving a bottle without holding baby and 100% attention is at times ok- but so sad if it is the norm, as babies do need that special contact.

Sodapop that’s exactly it. Sometimes I think people are more concerned about their right to voice their opinions (especially it seems on sub sections of society like new mothers) than the impact it has the subject is irrelevant to them.

I agree with OceanMama it seems mothers are vilified whatever they do. Child care is such a personal thing it really is no one else's business unless of course the child is being ill treated in some way.
Of course we hold our own opinions but these should not be inflicted on others unless requested.

Honestly, I think anyone in a social work role with mothers and children would think giving a baby a bottle in a pram is so relatively minor it doesn't even warrant a thought.

@Gingster if more women got angry at negative behaviour towards our fellow women there would be a lot less inequality in the world. I’m not sure how experienced you are with my profession but I have not a doubt in my mind by colleagues feel the same way.

Women aren’t supposed to challenge assertively are they? Or stick up for each other?

babyshark you are a very angry young woman. Not a good quality for a ^bloody children’s social worker

Not sure about statistics, but I am the youngest of 5 children, 4 of us were bottle fed - 2 in their 80's, 1 aged 75 and me 68 still going strong (touch wood), the breastfed one healthy until he died aged 28 from natural causes.

LadyBella

Yes, one would assume a site entitled ‘Gransnet’ is aimed mainly at older people. I am always surprised when I read comments from an obviously younger audience, as I imagine my DIL for example would avoid this site, feeling it’s not her thing.

But each to his own I suppose.

I wasn´t able to breastfeed my first born in the mid-1980s, she just wasn´t latching on and there was absolutely no help forthcoming from the doctors and nurses, who just said "if you can´t do it, you´ll have to give her a bottle". I would have hated to have been judged on sight like some are doing here.

vegansrock, no sometimes Mums don't make the best choices, or sometimes they aren't able to make the choice they consider best for whatever reason. The 'best choice' can also be subjective. I don't think anyone would argue that giving a baby cola is not a great choice.

I assume from your name that you are vegan so you make an internal judgement (not necessarily in a condemnatory way) that anyone who is not vegan is making a lesser choice.

I have seen babies with coca cola or tea in a bottle on more than one occasion. Obviously we have to keep our thoughts to ourselves even on threads like this, lest we are accused of being judgemental which is obviously a crime against parenting. I just said that the coke scenario makes me sad rather than the original OP scenario, which was criticised as being judgemental against mums. I’m saying mums don’t always make the best choices( and that’s judgemental- apologies).

vegansrock

I feel sad if I see a baby or toddler with a can of coke. There - I’m being judgemental. But I’m entitled to my feelings aren’t I? I wouldn't go up to the parent and question their choice as I’m sure I’d get a mouthful of abuse. But this idea that mums can do no wrong is actually wrong isn’t it?

We all do judge to some degree. We have our values and have arrived at those for a reason, and we make decisions based on what we think is best. So we have decided an alternative is not best in many instances. It's what we do with those judgements that matters.

I nursed all my babies because I think it's best. I thought it was the superior choice, so it's what I chose. By my values I do think choosing formula is a less ideal option where there is a choice, so I didn't do it. I don't feel that I judge mothers who choose to bottle feed though, if I'm being honest, I can't help but see it as a less ideal choice. What I don't do is glare at them or think they are a terrible parent or say something to them. What I do is choose to nurse my own.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the regular every day internal judgements we make, because we all do it from time to time. We just have to accept that we can use those feelings to form our own course of action and just leave everyone else to their own ways.

Vegansrock. Yes because giving a baby or toddler a can of Coke is completely comparable to being open to different feeding methods.

I don’t think Iv read anywhere in this thread that mums can do no wrong?

I feel sad if I see a baby or toddler with a can of coke. There - I’m being judgemental. But I’m entitled to my feelings aren’t I? I wouldn't go up to the parent and question their choice as I’m sure I’d get a mouthful of abuse. But this idea that mums can do no wrong is actually wrong isn’t it?