Mums feeding their babies but not holding the baby in their arms !

Even though I’m pretty confident I have to say I’m genuinely relieved to see that the majority of posters wouldn’t see me giving baby a quick bottle in the pram for any of the reasons I described above and would judge me for it.

I think lots of mums, new or experienced feel the wall of guilt that hits you when you have children. You question everything you do. Unless it’s genuinely unsafe I think the very best thing we can do is let them get on with it with encouragement and reassurance.

Happy mum equals happy baby is the truest thing Iv ever heard about parenting.

I would love for this culture of judgement and shaming of mums to disappear and I really do think overall it’s heading in the right direction.

It did, didn't it welbeck! Whole generations of bottle fed babies thriving and doing well.

Chewbacca

^Personally, I feel sad when I see a poor baby being bottle fed^

There are a whole myriad of reasons as to why a mother cannot/does not breastfeed her baby. And the baby isn't "poor" just because it's being fed by a bottle. Heavens, I thought we were all more enlightened than that.

most babies in this country were bottle fed when i was an infant.
seemed to work out ok.

Babies don't come with an operational instruction manual. One of the number of reasons why my wife and I didn't have babies.

We were vilified, insulted and told that we would die unhappy, but we never had to endure the slings and arrows about the right and wrong way to raise a child. Amen to that!

Maybe it wasn't even the baby's mother you saw? Maybe it was a caregiver because Mum needed some help?

I've also been judged for nursing and not giving my baby a bottle. My babies wouldn't take bottles and I couldn't express well. I also couldn't afford a fancy electric machine to help with that when I'd only use it a handful of times.

Bottom line: Mothers get judged no matter what they do!

Hithere

Oceanmama,

My second dd also had eczema and I had to readjust my diet to eliminate so many items of my diet to avoid her triggers.
It went away by itself as fast as it came.

I feel so bad for people with allergies, pretty much everything contains soy, peanuts, hidden dairy, etc.

Congrats for breastfeeding for 2.5 years! Amazing!
I lasted 2 years with my second dd and sadly had to stop.

Two years is fantastic. Well done. :-)

I did alter my diet with the eczema baby and it did help, but not perfectly. I'm always glad I did breastfeed though because I now know (didn't know then) that some of the key formula ingredients are things he would have reacted to badly, so I do think it was better than it would have been on formula. I didn't have that with any of the others, but my family is generally prone to allergies and skin issues. I wonder what would have happened if I just couldn't have nursed but they do have some very specialised prescribed formulas.

I think about parents of triplets or higher. I think getting them holding their own bottles as soon as possible must be an absolute necessity, and not just on the rare occasion in public. They seem to do okay.

I haven't seen the picture so cant comment on that particular mum and baby.

But I can say:
It could have been breast milk in the bottle.
It may have been a one-off.
The baby was being fed.
The phone call may have been urgent.
Sometimes, if you take an older baby out of a pushchair it's not always easy to put them back in again if they decide they don't want to.

I was puzzled too Chewbacca
But then I read the thread backwards and thought I may have missed something.

So if a woman breastfeeds
1. It has to be discreetly - god forbids a millimeter of forbidden skin is seen for a second, what a scandal! (sarcasm on)
2. The mother should stay home, or to go to different room in her home if she has guests, go to the bathroom, or changing stall in the pool as so not to make others inconvenienced and uncomfortable
3. How does a mother dare be sexually improper on public! (Sarcasm on)
Etc
4. Some relatives dont like the baby to be breastfeed as they cannot bottle feed the baby
Etc

Whilst agreeing with you wholeheartedly that how any mother chooses to feed her child is entirely her business and no one else's; to be fair, I've not seen any posts on this thread say any of those things listed in your post Hithere

Oceanmama,

My second dd also had eczema and I had to readjust my diet to eliminate so many items of my diet to avoid her triggers.
It went away by itself as fast as it came.

I feel so bad for people with allergies, pretty much everything contains soy, peanuts, hidden dairy, etc.

Congrats for breastfeeding for 2.5 years! Amazing!
I lasted 2 years with my second dd and sadly had to stop.

Apologies Callistemon if you are offended by my post. However with 2 under 4 who have been ahem challenging today, whilst I was referring to bloody social workers, I could call my kids a lot worse tonight and have in fact, under my breath.

I was just being pedantic- sorry if that came on top of a tough day.

So if a woman breastfeeds
1. It has to be discreetly - god forbids a millimeter of forbidden skin is seen for a second, what a scandal! (sarcasm on)
2. The mother should stay home, or to go to different room in her home if she has guests, go to the bathroom, or changing stall in the pool as so not to make others inconvenienced and uncomfortable
3. How does a mother dare be sexually improper on public! (Sarcasm on)
Etc
4. Some relatives dont like the baby to be breastfeed as they cannot bottle feed the baby
Etc

Yet, a mother chooses to use formula and she is evil too.

A baby bottle contains liquids - yes, breast milk too.

Please tell me what solution would work do for you guys because the mother just can't win

When you have a baby, the mother has pretty much 0 time when she is not touched, poked, bumped into, called for, etc.
Reading a book is pretty much missing impossible, watch a movie, etc.
Day after day, that is gets overwhelming.
Maybe you had your kids such a long time ago that you are unable to remember what it is like.

Yet, OP sees a baby being bottle fed in stroller and outraged! What a horrible mother she must be for not nurturing the baby properly!

Seriously, get a life and mind your own business.

The eczema thing is interesting. One of mine had shocking eczema and was fully breastfed for 2.5 years (I'm sure people will judge that!). I've always been glad I did though, because when weaned, it was far worse until we worked out what he was reacting to. Then it cleared up entirely. I've always felt like breastfeeding lessened the eczema over those years. I've never heard of that link before.

I prefer breastfeeding and do think it is ideal when possible, so that's what I did. I'll never know if it did or didn't make a difference to overall health and what might have been different if I hadn't breastfed. One of mine has IBD and was nursed for 2.5 years. No formula ever. That's the sort of thing I'd have hoped breastfeeding would reduce the odds of, but it couldn't overcome genetics.

You are so unreasonable

You brought up your babies your way, let other mothers decide how they want to do it

You do not know anything about that mother and baby at all. You just judge based on what you see at the moment.

OceanMama

My babies never had any bottles so I don't know what I would do, but I can't see an issue with a baby in a stroller (presumably that means the parents are in a public place) being given the bottle if it is comfortable. I'm sure that only happens with babies old enough to be somewhat upright. If the baby is happy where they are, I'm sure it's just because of the situation of the moment. Baby is probably happy looking around the busy mall or wherever they are and watching all the activity. How do we know Mum doesn't have a sore back or something, and she's sparing herself some pain that time?

Parents will be judged. It's either going to be because they are feeding bottles in prams or nursing in public. Maybe it's unavoidable and we should just stop judging parents for feeding their child?

Lovely post, OceanMama

There are numerous studies

Try this one

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/is-breast-milk-really-best-american-study-asks/

I don't think anyone is saying bottle is better than breast.

But I thought we'd moved on from this horrendous guilt tripping of young mothers who want what's best for their babies

Breast feeding is NOT without problems and the sooner people own up to this the better

And I'd like to see some of you trying to inflict your views on a young Mum who had a double mastectomy before pregnancy

Are you going to tell her that her baby will be obese, thick and die young??

Come on.

Ok. Sorry, Sl, but my post with a link was prompted by the previous one to mine talking about a survey to which the poster had contributed.
My point was that the NCDS is more interesting than my personal opinion.

My babies never had any bottles so I don't know what I would do, but I can't see an issue with a baby in a stroller (presumably that means the parents are in a public place) being given the bottle if it is comfortable. I'm sure that only happens with babies old enough to be somewhat upright. If the baby is happy where they are, I'm sure it's just because of the situation of the moment. Baby is probably happy looking around the busy mall or wherever they are and watching all the activity. How do we know Mum doesn't have a sore back or something, and she's sparing herself some pain that time?

Parents will be judged. It's either going to be because they are feeding bottles in prams or nursing in public. Maybe it's unavoidable and we should just stop judging parents for feeding their child?

My first baby would not latch on - traumatic birth and simply did not suck. After trying for several days to establish breast feeding the midwife (who was from Scotland) took her from my arms and said "Ye cannae feed the wee bairn, ye have nae the boozems for it!" So I bottle fed. I would hate to think that others judged me for this - I was not happy about it myself. But the imperative was to keep her alive!

I think that sometimes when you have a little one settled in their pushchair while out and about, it makes sense to leave them there whilst giving a bottle.

Then you could put it there without saying you are part of it?

It seemed to come with an agenda, especially with The comment on not wanting to discuss.

Not everyone can breastfeed or wants to. I’m sick to death of articles and opinions being pushed forward trying to shame mothers. It’s even worse when it’s almost always from other women.

Fed baby and happy mother is literally “the best”.

Well, that is charming Summerlove. The National Child Development Study is the largest ever of its kind. I thought maybe some on this thread might like to read it.

Ellianne

I don't want to comment Oopsminty because I am actually part of the 1958 NCDS. The information we have provided in dozens of areas over the 62 years of our lives is confidential.
Please respect my wish not to give any opinion.

You could just not comment?

I don't want to comment Oopsminty because I am actually part of the 1958 NCDS. The information we have provided in dozens of areas over the 62 years of our lives is confidential.
Please respect my wish not to give any opinion.

Ellianne

Not wishing to enter the discussion, but just for interest ..

ncds.info/breastfeeding-boosts-ability-to-climb-social-ladder/

Well don't post links that fit your agenda if you don't want to enter the discussion

Mothers feel very guilty about bottle feeding. They feel that they've 'failed' - which explains the strong reactions in comments here.

Nevertheless, bottle feeding contributes to childhood obesity and cancer statistics. It's a public health crisis.

Maybe some feel failed because of ignorant comments similar to yours

Luckily there are many strong women who will feed their babies how they wish and not worry about idiotic people peddling nonsense