AIBU -to expect "sorry"?

Sorry. Get out now.
It won't get any better; it will only get worse, and he hasn't reached the rock bottom alcoholics are supposed to experience before they even attempt to reform.

It is a long relationship to abandon, but your life, as well as your possessions, will be ruined by this man. He clearly isn't troubled by guilt feelings even when sober, and that is the real him.

You could ring al anon for the family of alcoholics and talk it through. www.al-anonuk.org.uk/helpline/

Crikey, why is he allowed indoors when he so obviously isn't house trained?

Are you really so desperate for company that you'll tolerate his behaviour?

I don't think the 'Sorry' thing is important as actions speak louder than words. Words are merely sounds.

You have a choice, though, accept the pillock - or kick him out!

I have just read your most recent post Jillybird and I think the reason he isn’t saying sorry is because he isn’t.
He is an Alcoholic and will blame everything on the drinking, this doesn’t include himself for having the drink. There are always excuses for the drink.
My DB was divorced twice and estranged from his children, it wasn’t his fault you understand, oh no, it was the drinking.......
He will go down and will take you down with him, as there is always a good excuse.
BTW, DB died of Alcoholic poisoning after one binge too many.

YANBU about the use of the word sorry but you are being a doormat (and more) for putting up with a drunk in your house. Swap him for a dog?
He's looking for a nurse not a partner.

The word sorry gets used in so many contexts. The one I object to is the "I'm so sorry BUT..... " which automatically cancels out any responsibility.

Would it really make a difference to how you feel if he said the S word?

What he said or didn’t say is completely immaterial here - it’s his alcoholism and behaviour that is the issue.

This relationship is not going to work is it ?
You wouldn’t be making him homeless by kicking him out as you have mentioned a boat he stays on at times.

He will drag you down if you allow this to continue.

Gillybird you have aslef our opinion and that why I feel OK to give it

I really wouldn't of changed him and washed him No Way, he would have been left on the floor You are not his Mother

With regards to him saying sorry, saying I feel terrible really should be enough, it is the same as saying sorry, I feel you want more because you do actually deserve more, if I had do e all that you had done I would need more than just sorry I think

Having said all of that, if you love this guy I guess you will forgive him so I say choose Peace nor war, we all know that life is short Choose your battles in life

There is more to 'sorry' than just saying the words. It has to be matched by deeds. Paying for a replacement carpet, buying a new glass coffee table,plus taking the person somewhere special or buying something they long for to show how truly sorry you are.

As it is your house, your home, I would tell him that he needs to find alternative accommodation

I wasted ten years in a similar scenario. Get proactive, andca quality of life for yourself. These chaps are forever 6 years old. Long time since I was a mother. Good luck. Being alone is ok with me. Other people have to add to our lives not detract from it

Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic and an inconsiderate selfish unpleasant one as well by the sound of it. ( as they usually are) You don’t owe him anything and he is making you stressed and unhappy. Start afresh by yourself , it will only get worse.

A relationship is something that adds to your life, not spoils it. What does this relationship add to your life? X

No, not the same as at all.

You deserve better

Good Grief !!

The alcohol has probably affected his brain more than the head injury and coma. It will continue to do so.

How sad really that you had to meet him again just when he was sober. A lot of anxiety and stress for you since then I dare say.

Good luck going forward anyway.

Ooooh Jillybird, you are so kind to hang onto this chap but in your shoes I would help him to find somewhere else to live & support, even love him, from a distance. He's a liability and why should anyone spoil your home & possessions as they have currently been spoiled and broken? You've probably worked hard to pull your home & sober life together & I see a rod for your back in the future as you venture deeper into living together. He is being disrespectful to you & your home. I would be maddened by that. I do hope you are not someone who thinks "he's better than nothing?" Please think your options over very carefully regarding how you see a future with this guy. The fact you've contributed to GNet means you're not sure of him .... Perhaps best to call it a day? Be strong & good luck to you both.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pretty much what I thought Maggiemaybe if it was a one off incident you could possibly get over it. If its an ongoing issue then you need to think long and hard about this relationship Jillybird. He is thoughtless and inconsiderate to say the least.
I would be fuming too.

I’m trying to be charitable here, Jillybird. Was the getting drunk, falling through the table, wetting himself (ugh) and being sick (double ugh) all on the one occasion, totally and completely out of character, and never, under any circumstances, to be repeated? If so, there’s a chance that you might be able to get over it and perhaps even overlook the lack of a proper apology, if he seems to be genuinely sorry and does pay for the damage.

If this is his normal behaviour, why are you putting up with it?

The pen and ink incident I could get over - yes he was thoughtless, but accidents do happen. Would it be worth contacting your insurance company?

You are not being unreasonable in seeing the difference. By saying he "feels terrible about it" he is inviting you, intentionally or unintentionally, to say "please don't feel bad", this is NOT the same as apologising to you. So, when he is not being tight with his money, a slob with your property, so pissed that he smashes the house up, what does he do then that is so marvellous that means you stay with him?

How long have you been together, and was this all part of a one-off episode, or are the drunken incidents a regular occurrence? Do you drink with your partner, or does he drink alone? Are you angry about the damage to your property, or about the drinking?

I think a lot depends on your lifestyle together. If your partner is living with you and you drink a lot together it is different from if he has moved in and gets drunk regularly while you don't. If the damage happened when you were both drinking, but he happened to be the one to fall on the table, it's not fair to keep reminding him that you own the house and paid for the furniture. In fact who paid for what isn't really the issue in any event - it's the behaviour that matters.

If he regularly causes damage when drunk, and you have asked him to stop drinking, or if he drinks a lot more than you and you feel that your lifestyles are incompatible, then it might be better to ask him to leave.

It really doesn't matter what any of us on here would do - it comes down to what you feel is acceptable - but for what it's worth, I think that saying he feels terrible about it is tantamount to an apology, but I would expect to see that backed up with a change in behaviour to show that he means it.

Time for that conversation where you tell him "on your bike" I think.

He said it ANGRILY??? Show him the door - it won’t get any better...

Even if he does eventually say "sorry", I think you should think carefully about continuing with this relationship.

Time to turf him out. You’re being walked on. Possibly you already know this.