I'm checking to see if it's me being unreasonable.
The basic question is: is saying 'I feel terrible about it' the same as saying 'I'm sorry'?
Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but if I had moved into my partner's house and taken advantage of all his/her furniture and household goods and had to purchase nothing at all and proceeded to damage much of that person's property because I was so lazy, clumsy and careless I couldn't be bothered, say, to take the permanent black ink to the sink to refill my pen, but do it in the sitting room with resultant drops on the cream carpet, then I would feel mortified and couldn't stop saying I was sorry and would offer to pay for a replacement carpet. Or, just for instance, I got completely paralytic drunk and fell through the middle of a glass-topped coffee table, smashing it to bits and somehow escaping with my life when just one of the massive glass shards could have pierced a vital organ. If I had done that at 2 am and my partner had jumped out of bed and spent the rest of the night picking me out of the glass, collecting the glass in a box, vacuuming up and making everything safe so neither of us could hurt ourselves, I'd have been very apologetic. If, in addition to that my partner had stripped me off because I had wet myself, and washed me down and then held the bowl while I was sick, I think I might have said sorry. I might not have angrily said "I feel terrible about it. I'm willing to pay up to £200 for another table or to get it repaired". I think I'd have been so mortified I'd have said, "Please choose whatever you want, either a new table or have this one repaired." I don't think I'd have added, "Hang the expense"!
I don't feel I'd have tried to make my partner feel he's asking rather a lot or that I was being the magnanimous one offering to purchase new or repair - so long as the cost isn't too great ...
So, since it wasn't me and it was him, I can't accept that him saying "I feel terrible about it" is the same as saying "I'm sorry" . Saying he feels terrible merely invites me to say, "that's OK, think nothing of it" in an attempt to stop him feeling terrible. There doesn't seem to be any acknowledgement of my feelings, especially when he puts a price on how much he's prepared to pay!
I'm asking because we have just had another set-to. He said, "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"
Me, "You haven't said sorry once."
Him: "Yes, I have, I said I feel terrible about it".
Me, "That's saying how you feel, it's not acknowledging how I feel".
Him: "It's the same thing".
Me, "No, it's asking me to say; don't worry about it"
So, would you use "I feel terrible about it" in place of "I'm so sorry"?
Jillybird Sat 10-Oct-20 17:42:22
CanadianGran Sat 10-Oct-20 17:47:00
Poppyred Sat 10-Oct-20 17:47:31
Lucca Sat 10-Oct-20 17:47:39
Mildmanneredgran Sat 10-Oct-20 17:50:09
lemsip Sat 10-Oct-20 17:53:15
welbeck Sat 10-Oct-20 17:55:47
Scribbles Sat 10-Oct-20 17:59:20
Chewbacca Sat 10-Oct-20 17:59:51
Spinnaker Sat 10-Oct-20 18:00:02
BlueBelle Sat 10-Oct-20 18:03:54
NannyJan53 Sat 10-Oct-20 18:25:05
Urmstongran Sat 10-Oct-20 18:28:46
Tangerine Sat 10-Oct-20 18:30:22
NanTheWiser Sat 10-Oct-20 18:33:23
harrigran Sat 10-Oct-20 18:40:33
Doodledog Sat 10-Oct-20 18:40:33
GillT57 Sat 10-Oct-20 18:40:34
Maggiemaybe Sat 10-Oct-20 18:47:31
sodapop Sat 10-Oct-20 19:28:03
Jillybird Sat 10-Oct-20 19:49:27
Nonogran Sat 10-Oct-20 20:21:14
Urmstongran Sat 10-Oct-20 20:22:51
Urmstongran Sat 10-Oct-20 20:25:12
EllanVannin Sat 10-Oct-20 20:26:58