Husband told secret I had asked him to keep. Worse still it was to the husband of my ‘enemy. ‘

I suppose everybody has some weaknesses. It seems hard to give up on the poor old soul because of his harmless hobby albeit he does seem obsessed by it to the extent of forgetting your request.

Why do you bother about what your horrible cousin thinks?

Nannan2 People not only start discussions to get attention, they often keep up posting aggressively from a controversial viewpoint just to keep themselves in the centre of that attention.

Your husband chatted to a friend about something that is important to him. I don't really see that you had any real reason to direct him not to.

I understand that you do not want people gossiping about you and your husband because they find his spiritual work strange and especially not for your cousin to hear about it.
I reckon any of us with DH/OH can think of aspects of their hobbies, work or habits that we would rather was not general knowledge but if the DH/OH is confident enough to share them with friends not sure it is our business. I'd just raise and eyebrow and sigh!

It comes across from your OP Baguette that you are uncomfortable with this particular hobby of your H's as it's something you don't want him to tell people you're not close too or know well.

You say you're supportive of him in this but TBH it doesn't come across that way. It's unreasonable IMO for you to ask him to be 'secretive' about something because it's not your "cup of tea".

His interest in spiritual healing isn't anything for him to be ashamed of, or you for that matter.

I think you should let the matter go. If he had said something confidential about you, it would be different.

And no the O.P. shouldnt be dictating what her hubby can say or reveal about himself..only the headline makes it seem like its a 'secret' about herself.very misleading meant to get our sympathy i think.Shameful.

Sometimes on here i get a feeling folk start up 'discussions' as a means of getting attention.? that makes me feel less like visiting GN than i used to.

How will it cause any problem if there's no contact with the 'unkind' cousin?

I think Baguette123 shows no respect for her husband. She calls him 'weak'. Is she ashamed of him?

She's just embarrassed by his hobby and wants him to keep quiet about it. It's a pride/reputation thing. He's not allowed to be his true self - how sad!

I do think with you telling Dh not to speak about his hobby spiritual healing is a bit controlling on your part, why does it matter that people know if it’s something he loves to do, healing is wonderful and helps many people I know as I do it myself! When you said he let slip that he had told about it, it reminded me of a little child doing something wrong, you say he is a weak man, he sounds as though he likes to help people to me

Maybe Baguette is trying to protect her husband from the ridiculing, critical cousin ?
Too late now , Baguette , she knows ( unless her husband has wisely kept quiet ) . Just keep your distance from her and realise that for each person who might sneer about spiritual healing there will be one who finds it beneficial .
Sounds like you've got a good husband .

Perhaps your husband isn't as much of a people pleaser as you think?
He has ignored you, and chosen to speak about the thing he enjoys, whether that pleases or offends anyone.
Perhaps you could take a leaf out of his book?

@Baguette123 Hmmm if someone agrees not to do something and then breaks their word then their word doesn't mean anything and how can you trust their promise if they don't keep a promise?

On the other hand, we do naturally talk about things we are passionate about and should not have to be something we are not... so maybe it wasn't fair to make him promise to keep secrets about himself? To be fair, if he had divulged personal information about you I think that would be far worse. I'd be asking him why he broke your promise, though , because he shouldn't have promised if he had no intention of keeping that promise.

But then also, you have cousin issues and I'd advise you to read up on strategies for dealing with your nasty cousin. Life is too short to put up with bullies. If you feel better about dealing with your cousin more effectively, you won't be living in fear of what she thinks - and if you feel better in yourself and more confident, you won't be worried about what anyone else's opinion of your life choices ( or your husband's)

I feel truly sorry for the poor man. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of regarding spiritual healing and who cares what other people think anyway. OP, you sound very controlling.

Team DH too!

the fact that he agreed to your request, then did the opposite
Where does it say that seakay the poster says she asked her husband not to say anything about his hobby but she didn’t say he agreed at all, you ve made that bit up
My goodness counselling because her husband didn’t do as ‘he was told‘ are you in US I see you use the American spelling for counsellor so maybe you are There certainly may be more to the marriage problems that would be helped by counselling but if this is the only problem then it’s very over the top

I think the OP got the answer to AIBU. I would say is a resounding YES.

If your husband had any qualms about not talking about his hobby when you asked him not to, he should have said so at the time of asking and initiated a calm discussion; the fact that he agreed to your request, then did the opposite and only let you know by accident says to me that he has lied to you deliberately and is not to be trusted. I completely sympathise with your feelings about this, and am sorry that so may other responders have chosen to focus on what they imagine is your attitude to your husband's hobby, rather than the likely repercussions for you from your bullying cousin learning of this and choosing to be unpleasant about him and therefor you.
Apparently #BeKind only applies if you've reached the end of your tether and killed yourself, so my advice (weird as I'm responding myself!) would be to seek the advice of a professional stranger who will listen, rather than risking your mental health by exposing yourself to the judgement of people who sound very much like your cousin. Marriage counselling can be undertaken by one person, for instance. It might be helpful for your to have rather more space to explore how these events have affected your feelings for your husband.
There are many different sorts of counselors and therapists, even amoung those who specialise in one field, so it may not be easy to find one that you feel comfortable with, especially now, but it seems to me that you have worked very hard at your marriage over the years, and want to change how you feel at the moment, if that is possible.
If nothing else, you deserve to spend some time unraveling the complexities of your current feelings and finding some peace and contentment in your life, and I think that doing so will help you to feel more confident and secure in your decisions in the future

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

For years I worried about what people thought of me and still do sometimes but then I realised there will always be nasty, jealous people around who will dislike others for very little reason so don't worry about your cousin or what she thinks. However, I think the issues you have with your husband go a little deeper than him believing in spiritual healing or telling others about his beliefs. Maybe you should perhaps try deal with these issues with this first.

Wow. Firstly you are a grown woman and should not still ha e the fear of being bullied by your cousin hoping that by now you woykd know how to handle your cousins bullying

Secondly your husband sounds like a lively sweet person that enjoys his spiritualism but you are making him feel like he is doing something wrong, you say you support him, don't sound line you support him, sounds like you make him feel ashamed of something that is amazing

Today I watched a program about a mother that has to 24 hr nurse her son so reading this post just made me think.. Reallly is this woman for real..

Being spiritual is something to be proud of

If I was told what I can and can not speak about I wouldn't be happy at all

I wonder what he would have to say if he had a chance to comment on the situation

I should imagine it woykd be along the lines of.. My wife is being Cold and Horrid to me because she is ashamed of me and ashamed that I am a spiritual person.

Soooo many more important things to worry about

That's my take on it but feel free to tell me to mind my own business

I think this is all about you isn't it ?

Team DH too!

Strange post. I think the main problem is that this cousin has resurfaced (albeit through her husband) and you don't like it? But we can't control anyone else so let your husband do what he thinks is right. A lot of people believe in spiritual healing. OK you aren't one but so long as your husband isn't fleecing people i.e paying money, then what harm does it do?

Bluebelle, thanks!

OP,
Team DH.

To be blunt, you come across as a controlling and manipulative person who, instead of dealing with the cause of your ill feelings, namely your cousin, are seeking to punish your husband.
I think you have thought up a way to separate your husband and thus yourself, from your cousin and her husband.
If you despise him so much why are you still with him? I feel very sorry for him and certainly not you.
I do feel sorry for you in that so much of your life seems to be based on what others think of you and that their opinions have such an impact on you.