Support for those on their own in lockdown.

geoolf thank you for that I don’t remember it but I m glad I helped ?
I think I perhaps wasn’t meaning the same as a lot on here it’s not totally about loneliness for me as I said I have a daughter nearby who looks out for me very well and talks, or texts to me every day I do speak quite regularly to friends, for me, it’s the lack of routine, motivation and the lack of feeling useful not the lack of doing things, I can keep myself busy in my house, garden, walking whatever but when not in lockdown, my voluntary work gives me so much pleasure and a great feeling of being useful and of achievement and when that is not there I lose my sense of being a useful human being
Anyway I ve been out for a walk, spoken to friends on the phone and taken some flowers to another friend and I m ok

I am counting the days off on my Calendar until I can feel useful again
If anyone is lonely and wants a chat send me a pm

Sparkling thank you for this thread. I am mostly fine on my own and do have phone calls and texts from friends and family but I do miss meet ups with people. Having a coffee and a natter face to face is better than any medicine.

I keep in regular touch with several family members/friends who I know are feeling lonely, but just occasionally I feel compelled to remind them that the phone works both ways.....

Ginpin my mum is 85 receives no benefits just her state pension and a very small private one.
She has not been contacted once by any organisation during the last lockdown and I won't hold
my breath in this lockdown.
Fortunately my older brother gets her shopping and I phone every night as I live a long distance away.
Her sister 80 also has never been contacted.
Is it because they are not on any medication.
It makes me wonder if there are any other people who are in effect abandoned by the state.
Should the GP give a list of OAP's/vunerable people to the council so they can check up on them.

McGilchrist41. I meant to say my DD and SIL went to the Dog Rescue first to offer to walk dogs and the people in charge said later they could take this one home because it was better for the dog and for them. They explained their circumstances and that is how the old dog became theirs.

McGilchrist41. My daughter and SIL when they knew they could not keep a dog for long went to the nearest Shelter and adopted a very old dog. He had obvious signs of having lived on the streets and could open doors! We all fell in love with him. He lived for about 5 years and The Shelter agreed that should my SIL be called abroad before their dog died they would have him back. Luckily that did not happen and he lived for about 5 years before dying very peacefully.

Sparkling. That is so thoughtful of you and I as a loner find it so reassuring. For me, just knowing people like you are there on GN keeps me going. I am very lucky as I have grown used to being aloe from childhood. I have known many others for whom not going out at all but saying within the same four walls seeing nobody leads to deep depression even despair.
This is such a difficult time and I agree a line on a text is inadequate. My own AC though are so very busy and I know they rarely have time for themselves let alone to stop and phone me. The world has changed so much from the 1950s when I was at primary school and my mother simply worked a few afternoons to help out a neighbour who owned a shop and had had a stroke. She seemed to have a very easy life compared to my children today who are doing so much. They do not choose it but cannot avoid it either.

I just saw TanaMa's wonderful comment
"Don't feel lonely but I am aware of how 'alone' I am. My only fear is the animals suffering if anything happened to me and not being found quickly. "
That is exactly how I feel. I try to leave them extra water and dry food for that reason.

Having read through most of these messages it would appear that self isolation is something most people are putting up with but not at all happy with. I live alone after losing my husband to AML thirteen years ago I do quite a lot of craft but it is the company I miss.My daughter lives a ten minute car ride away but she has a responsible full time job and I don’t want to put any pressure on her. I lost my dogs years ago and did not get any more because of visiting my families for a few days at a time. Now I walk every morning and am having trouble resisting the temptation to get another one. They are such good companions and who knows how long this isolation is going on for?

I have lived on my own for 30 years now, so am well used to it. I have three children, two of whom live very close by (one son is only next door but one) with seven of my eight grandchildren (from 25 down to 15), but even though we have perfectly amicable relationships, I see very little of them, as they're too busy. My elder son and oldest grandson live 200 miles away. I do believe loneliness is a state of mind; you can be alone yet perfectly happy, or with a crowd and feel alone. Since my normal weekly events, such as U3A and art groups, have stopped, I've concentrated on dividing my day up into a series of home-based activities, eg doing crosswords, gardening, reading and even watching the occasional daytime tv programme, which I would never have done once upon a time. I've decorated three rooms, and I'm about to start making my Christmas cards and presents. I walk my dog twice a day, and always meet people I know for a chat. Dogs are perfect therapy! In the afternoon, I walk with a friend who has had treatment for cancer and wants to build up her strength. Yes, I do feel lonely from time to time, but it soon passes, and there is always someone far worse off.

Hi all, I too don't like the assumption that life must be awful if you live on your own.
Have been on my own for 14 years after 30 years of being happily married and can cope with either scenario, although I did find the institution of marriage to be suffocating when I reached my forties.
However, as I've decided not to put myself more at risk by working I'm now in a sort of retired mindset as well.
But if people ask me if I'm retired I explain I'm on a 'gap year' as they weren't invented in the 70's so having one now!
Don't like the nights drawing in though as we move towards the shortest day.
But just have to keep busy, in contact with family by phone/whatsapp/email; go out for a walk every day and also drive somewhere to exercise, in order to keep the car's battery charged and mine as well.!

I'm divorced 15 years now and normally happy
with my solo life but its the lack of normal life which makes
me feel different , a little fed up , a little restless and a little
uninterested . I'm in contact with my family of 4 adult children but I don't expect them to do any more than they normally would .
I'm not in favour of this second lockdown even though the
new case figures in France are horrendous (50,000 plus per
day last week) my children tell me its the working age adults
which are fuelling the figures but getting over it relatively quickly.

Yes I feel for the younger people! As you say they will be paying for the state Coronavirus
Has left the world in for longer than we can imagine!
Not to mention how effected the young ones who have lost their jobs or can’t get a job now!

Chardy

This thread makes me think of when the kids were at their dad's for Christmas and I was told so many times how I mustn't be on my own Christmas Day. Please do not equate being alone with loneliness.

I have a “gentleman friend” ( What else could I call him?!) we have never lived together. At the start of lockdown 1 several people suggested we move in together.....not sure who was more aghast at the idea, him or me ?!
Far too used to our own space

I send my single friends a hand written card on a regular basis as they know I am thinking about them. My oldest school friend and live 259 miles apart so we have begun letter writing and it is lovely to receive one through the post!
I use email, text, messenger, WhatsApp to maintain contact as well as a good old telephone call.
I must admit I reached rock bottom over the weekend but I gave myself a talking to. I have started doing Joe Wicks workout again plus a walking workout. A daily walk helps as does writing memories, memoirs, reading, listening to the radio. Hope something here helps someone ??

This thread makes me think of when the kids were at their dad's for Christmas and I was told so many times how I mustn't be on my own Christmas Day. Please do not equate being alone with loneliness.

I don’t mind being on my own. My partner died nearly 2 years ago and I realise now that he was a bit controlling and now I can please myself. I often think about how lockdown would have been if he was still here. What does upset me a bit is my grand daughter who is 9 rarely contacts me. Her mum says that they will FaceTime but it never happens. A little letter would be nice as I am not very good on FaceTime. It’s always me that makes the contact, so now I have decided to wait and see what happens if I don’t. Fortunately I have contact with my other son and his family.

There are so many lonely people in the world, and being lonely is as bad as having a constant pain. My mother was widowed when she was quite young but was never lonely until she couldn't go out whenever she wanted to as her sight began to fail. As soon as her freedom of choice was gone she began to feel alone. We all suggested she should move in with one of us, or sheltered accommodation, or even a care home but she rejected all suggestions. All she wanted was to be able to pop out whenever she chose, for some tea or sugar, or whatever. I used to take her shopping but when chairs disappeared from all the shops (Goodness knows why!) that was no longer an option and a wheeled chair suggestion was scorned too. Independence was her middle name and when that was gone she began to feel lonely.

I have been alone for 33 years and have always been very independent. Because of walking difficulties due to severe arthritis I cannot go out and it is an effort to even gat in the garden. My help comes for an hour each morning to do the chores I cannot do. Since March I have only been out twice when my son, 71, who lives a four hour drive away took me out for a drive and round the village in the wheelchair.
I keep in touch with family and friends on Messenger and Facebook, the latter means I have to look decent, put on makeup etc. Neighbours and nieces in Wales and Barbados frequently telephone.
Spend a lot of time cooking everything from scratch, watching films and reading..

J

I live alone and have done so for many years. Getting a little dog has been a big help to me as I have got older.

In June I started as a volunteer for an organisation that helps the local community. I make phone calls to six people with various needs. Different people most weeks. I only do one day a week, but it has helped me as much as it helps the folk I am ringing.

There's a lot of loneliness and anxiety out there

believe

My mum is 90 and has not been out since March 6th, except for her flu jab.
My sister ( 7 miles away) takes shopping there once a week. My brother, other sister and I all live in different counties.
Mum had cancer 7 years ago and still takes a tablet to keep the cancer at bay.
She has always had high blood pressure, arthritus and a few other aliments. Two new hips and a new knee.
She has many hobbies and a half acre garden in which she works for 2 hours a day.
I talk to her for 59 mins every morning early and my siblings keep in touch plus also some of her 10 grandchildren do as well.
Despite all that, Mum is lonely. She used to take a free taxi ( no bus service anymore ) once a week to the supermarket and to the charity shops, which she very much enjoyed.

But my question is this. In all of this time Mum has received nothing from the Government at all. No communication, no food parcels, nothing.

Does she not fit into any of the vulnerable catergories healthwise?

Also, she receives pension credit if that makes a difference, having a large garden does not make her rich or anything.
I just can't beleive that, at 90, the government has never contacted her.

I live alone since DH died 10 months ago . It’s tough at times , but my two children and their families live nearby and I am in my DD social bubble . Also we have just discovered I can be my DS child care support so possibly I can have the twins for a while when both DS AND DIL have work on line meetings or deadlines . So not as lonely as many . But miss DH’s presence so much . I have taken to listening to Radio 4 most of the day, much more “ comforting “than TV and I can potter at the same time with it chatting away -almost like having someone with me .
I do phone my friends regularly , sadly several also widowed over the last 2-3 years and they have been such a support to me and hope I to them . Although I am sad and lonely often , my heart goes out to all the young whose lives have been decimated by this awful time and will be affected for years to come .

I have friends who live on their own who I phone to have a catch up chat on a regular but not planned basis! Often we chat for an hour or more.
However I find it a little one sided on occasions that the friends I call don't phone me sometimes. I do think that the person on their own should take some responsibility to make contact first.
Living with someone doesn't mean you don't feel alone! Everyones situation is different, and there are times when we all need someone to reach out to us.
Perhaps you could phone a friend or a family member and let them know you are thinking about them and you want to know how they are coping with lockdown? It's not a competition, its not easy or normal for any of us.
take care, stay safe x

Venus.....I completely ' Get it ' it will be 13 years tomorrow since my husband died ( v.sudden & unexpected, so no time for goodbyes ). I have sons who in their own way are lovely people, but they all have wives & family & none of them live close to me in fact one of them now lives overseas, so I know I'm not top of their list of priorities, which is as it should be......however it doesn't stop me wishing for more conversation & not just a text saying " Hope you're OK ". I admit to being incredibly lonely at times, especially in the evenings, I don't have a dog to walk & I'm allergic to cats - so not an option !!! I for one would very much welcome a chat, I've always been a social animal & since I retired & downsized, life has changed immeasurably. It's lovely that so many people are happily living a relatively solitary life and are content with that, however this is not the case for everyone. Plus ca change !!!

Sometimes it is necessary to reach out when the calls don't come. And sometimes it is necessary to admit that you would like a call to the right people.