Gransnet forums


Support for those on their own in lockdown.

(101 Posts)
Sparkling Sun 08-Nov-20 19:18:40

I think if you are part of a couple or have very supportive close family, you can’t imagine how it is for some, not speaking to a person for days really messes with your head. I am a strong person, so I thought. I have been so disappointed though that my family and friends just assume the odd text is sufficient in their busy days, they all live with other people and have their own issues in this lockdown but a phone call to someone on their own means so much, that human voice, not a short message on the phone, really means such a lot. So if you are in this position please come on this thread for a chat or support.

Septimia Sun 08-Nov-20 19:33:45

My neighbour lives on her own, although she does hear from family and other people nearby. I email her every evening (unless we've seen each other or phoned) and exchange news of what we've done. Usually that's not much! I think we both look forward to the emails, even though I'm not on my own.

Do you have someone among your acquaintances or family that you could do that with? Or maybe several people that you could contact on different evenings? I know an email isn't the same as a human voice.....

Hetty58 Sun 08-Nov-20 19:40:00

I live on my own and I'm very content doing so. Of course, I get regular phone calls from family - but I do prefer texts or emails as I can read them when I'm not busy, in the middle of cooking, or about to go out.

I feel very sorry for people trapped in lockdown with other adults, parents, spouses or children, unable to get away from them - so much worse!

Therefore, why assume that those 'on their own' need support?

Iam64 Sun 08-Nov-20 19:45:33

We're all different and some of us are content or even happy to live a solitary life. I don't think the OP was assuming everyone on their own needs support. She indicates she feels lonely, isolated and would appreciate a phone call rather than a text from her loved ones.
She goes on to suggest there may be others on grasnet who share her feelings "please come on this thread for a chat or support"
I hope she finds some support

Sparkling Mon 09-Nov-20 06:14:11

Sorry if I offended you Hetty, you and lots of people like you are very happy living a solitary life and that's good. I think most of us do get used to it but to have too much time staying in on your home is hard for many. I fo feel for those families that don't get on or are living in very cramped conditions or worried about their jobs. Let's hope they get a vacinne.

Charleygirl5 Mon 09-Nov-20 08:05:44

Sometimes Alexa does not recognise my voice- I live on my own, have no family so can go for days without speaking to anybody.

Hetty58 Mon 09-Nov-20 08:34:23

No worries Sparkling - it's a different experience for everyone. I'm not too keen on long phone chats and often, I'm just fidgety and itching to wind up the call, without being too abrupt.

I do like to (obsessively) check through emails or texts when I'm sat down with tea'n'toast or coffee'n'biscuits (both of which I do far too much). I check through 3 forums, including this one, too!

Charleygirl5, it's very rare for me to have no chats all day. I take the little dog out 2 or 3 times every day (unless it's raining) and there's a large group of fellow dog walkers so I usually bump into somebody.

There are also some neighbours who spend a lot of time in their front gardens now, doing extra gardening or just sitting. (Lots of benches and chairs have appeared.) They welcome a good old chat so must be having 'cabin fever'.

I do have a good idea of what that is, though. On rainy, gloomy days I soon feel cooped up, uncomfortable - and rather ill by teatime if I haven't gone out. I really do need the fresh air, change of scene and exercise. Lately, I will just go, minus the dog and plus an umbrella!

Riverwalk Mon 09-Nov-20 08:41:18

I live on my own but don't need support but can understand some people do - we're all different.

Also, think of the many members on here who are stuck all day with a moody curmudgeonly partner - I feel sorry for them and would find it unbearable.

We see tales of doing nothing around the house, dictating what's on TV, jealous of family/DGC, expecting to be waited on hand and foot, slumped in a chair watching TV all day - the list is endless.

Those who have an amenable partner are the lucky ones as they have pleasant company - and they're the ones I envy but they do seem in the minority on GN!

BlueBelle Mon 09-Nov-20 08:48:07

For the first time in my life today I lay in bed and thought what am I doing to day (these are men normal waking thoughts even without lockdown) but today my answer was nothing really and then my head said well what’s the point in getting up getting washed and dressed just to do nothing
I m not asking for any sympathy or even understanding really it’s just a point I m making I m a reasonably strong person and I always try to think positively and see the rainbow at the end of the rain I m always trying to instill that in my grandkids kids friends etc etc but today that strength and optimism had disappeared
I have got up, I ve showered, dressed done my hair and put my bit of make up on and I will find something to do but my thoughts weren’t good for me at that time
I do live alone I m lucky that one of my children lives nearby and messages or talks to me everyday to make sure I m ok but when there’s no one on hand to chew things over with or say ‘come on’ it’s tough

BlueBelle Mon 09-Nov-20 08:50:04

Second line not ‘men’ oh no no no it should read ‘my’

Riverwalk Mon 09-Nov-20 08:54:04

As you're scrubbed and dressed BlueBelle, and assuming you're well, can you not go out for a walk to at least clear your head and get out of the house for an hour?

B9exchange Mon 09-Nov-20 09:01:17

You had me worried for a moment there BlueBelle!
Has anyone tried Silverline?

Lucca Mon 09-Nov-20 09:02:24

I’m sure bluebelle will do just that ! As will I.
However these down days are inevitable at the moment if you have had all your normal activities removed and sometimes it’s so hard to overcome the low mood,

Hetty58 Mon 09-Nov-20 09:05:13

BlueBelle, I'd recommend a little stroll too.

Some days are just for 'recharging batteries' and it's perfectly alright to just read a book or watch a film on Netflix.

Do something that you fancy doing (not that 'needs' doing) though. Indulge yourself as this is just a phase - it will end!

Last night, I just felt restless for some reason, so was making Scotch pancakes at 9pm. Oh, and eating loads - with cups of tea. The phone rang - and youngest daughter had suddenly given birth to my seventh grandchild! (That explained it - life is so weird.)

BlueBelle Mon 09-Nov-20 09:19:24

Oh of course I ll walk I m not looking or asking for any solutions just saying ......

Iam64 Mon 09-Nov-20 09:19:30

Like Hetty 58, I walk my dog at least twice a day. The longer morning walk involves off lead adventure, tea time is usually on lease 20 -30 mins on lead around where we live. The dog walking community is friendly and our dogs luckily mix well.

Walking has kept me feeling ok during these dark days of tier 3 and lockdowns. The dog is young and at the start of lockdown in March, was still finding it difficult to walk on a loose lead. Her nose got the better of her and she'd pull more than any other dog I've shared my life with. One positive of that early lock down period was the opportunities for off lead fun were more limited. She's walks beautifully on a loose lead now. result.

Shropshirelass Mon 09-Nov-20 09:25:11

How true this is. I don’t have a lot of contact with family as they are so busy getting through this crisis - help has been offered through other people and I have some really good friends who are always there. A phone call just to see how I am would be lovely instead of only when I am useful for something! C’est la vie!

Lucca Mon 09-Nov-20 09:31:44


Oh of course I ll walk I m not looking or asking for any solutions just saying ......


trisher Mon 09-Nov-20 10:01:41

I'm on my own and I don't mind it. I do mind that some friends with partners seem to think all they have to do when they see me is tell me how wonderful/awful their partner has been during lockdown. It's OK the first time, and I do try to be suitably impressed/sympathetic, but when it goes on and on it gets a bit boring. My single friends on the other hand seem more prepared to discuss other things when we chat. I'm not sure if it's because we all are used to getting on with things, and it's just a bit quieter than normal, so it's my poor friends in couples who really can't cope.

PollyDolly Mon 09-Nov-20 10:01:41

It is possible to feel alone and lonely even when in a relationship.

Venus Mon 09-Nov-20 10:02:50

Tomorrow my husband would have passed three year's ago. If he had still been alive, lockdown would have been much more bearable. As it is, I find it very solitary, even though my family phone every few days. It doesn't make up for human contact. I have my cat and am lucky enough to live near a country park and be surrounded by lots of greenery. Still, for me, being on my own is hard going without the support of clubs and various activities that I usually attend.

Aepgirl Mon 09-Nov-20 10:04:05

I make a point of making ones one call a day to people I know who are on their own. However, it is important not to phone the same person on the same day and time each week because if you are unable to do this they start to feel isolated.

Sparkling Mon 09-Nov-20 10:04:50

Know just how you feel Bluebell. I have decided to go 2 shortish walks a day, instead of the big one I do. I think it will give me a bit of structure to the day. I am going to do one main shop a week. It does help knowing you’re not alone with this adrift feeling and thank you all for your kind responses.

grandaisy Mon 09-Nov-20 10:07:55

I completely understand where you are coming from Sparkling. My few closest friends have moved from the area. I also moved locally a year ago so never meet acquaintances on my walk and do not like to keep being the one to call friends. I am lucky to have family nearby but all are busy with small children and DH has been in home with dementia for o ver a year. Normally positive but never having lived alone until now I do find my house very empty would love a short chat each day.

TanaMa Mon 09-Nov-20 10:10:33

I live in an isolated area and no near neighbours. Very small family one D and 1 GD busy with their own lives, rarely see or hear from them. Luckily have friends who check on me regularly, even if it is only by phone. Unfortunately we all live too spread out to meet, even if we were able.
Although alone I do have my two dogs and two cats, lots of lovely views and country life and am very happy.
Don't feel lonely but I am aware of how 'alone' I am. My only fear is the animals suffering if anything happened to me and not being found quickly. At 86 but healthy and active, life can throw a spanner in the works!!