my support bubble burst!

There seems to be far too many rules, exemptions and exclusions around support bubbles and whilst I understand why there were introduced, the reality sometimes seems far too difficult to understand. I am also rather frustrated that because I live with my husband, I am unable to form a "bubble" with my daughter and her family who live over 100 miles away whilst her dad (my ex, who lives alone) formed a bubble and so sees her quite a lot - or could do before the most recent lockdown - whilst I have been unable to see her since February as she was in local lockdown before the national one! Even though I don't live alone, my mental health is suffering from not being able to see her and my grandson for so long.

They have a new baby and it's one of the known effects of lockdown that relationships in families are strained. You say yourself that they are having problems so it may be nothing to do with you. They may be so involved in their own worries that they haven't known they are messing you about. She may also be missing the support of her own mother. I'd cut them a bit of slack, see them for a few minutes whenever you can and go bearing useful gifts, pie, cake, ready meals ...
If you genuinely feel you are being 'messed about', think that there's no resolving it, and have the chance of another support bubble then talk to them about it first.

I have to agree with Hetty58, I live alone and at the moment I only see my son and his family outdoors, to take the dogs for a walk. (they are my bubble). My son is working and my grandson is at college locally so I would rather keep safe and stay in my own home at the moment.

It sounds to me like people are making up their own rules to suit, no wonder Covid is not going away. You form a bubble you stay with a bubble, all this swapping and changing after 14 days is a convenient interpretation of the rules. Sorry just stating

I used to be the first person to point out the rules, but it seems everyone's doing either as they want or as their own individual brand of common sense tells them, so...

FWIW, according to gov.uk:

"From 14 September, if you form or continue in a support bubble, you cannot then change your support bubble. It does not have to be the same support bubble you may have been in previously."

According to gov.uk if you are in a support bubble after 14th September, you cannot change it.

www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-support-bubble-with-another-household#do-not-change-your-support-bubble

But I am with Tillybelle, leaving 14 days and forming a new one makes perfectly good sense, your wellbeing is so important. Common sense has to play a part.

I do wish we had some female members of SAGE making some of these decisions, I suspect the guidance would have been very different then!

I had a support bubble with my son and his family who live about 100 miles away. We formed this bubble so that in the summer, when we were allowed to, we could have our holiday together in the Lake District. I have been to stay with them twice since, the last time being some of half term so I could help with four very active grandchildren. Last night he told me, in the nicest possible way, that I was no longer in his bubble: he had formed one with an "elderly lady in his church who is completely alone with no family, and no-one else she can bubble with". I refrained from pointing out that I, too, am an elderly lady who is completely alone: the difference is, I have family, but they are all a long way away and visiting is difficult without a lot of planning and arranging for cat care! Bang goes Christmas!! Though he is hoping the rules on visiting might be more relaxed by then.

I actually do understand why he is doing this and the compassion behind it, but I could wish he had mentioned it before he did it. I don't think people who are not on their own have any concept of what it can be like having enforced solitude. I am fortunate in being content in my own company and have plenty to do.

Moan over!!

keepingquiet
I'm so sorry to hear of these difficulties. It's such a worrying and difficult time and I feel sure this adds to the pressure with a small baby. I am so sorry you are affected and are missing your grandchild. I think you are very thoughtful and considerate to give them some space and not visit for a while.

I think a person like you who is considerate and keeps to the rules could hardly be accused of breaking them if you form a new bubble after a two week break from your last visit to the broken bubble. After all that is the time quarantine is required should you have been with a person found positive in the test, so you have proved that you are free of anything nasty and safe to go to another bubble. I hate saying "as a retired Psychologist" but if I may here add that weight to this situation, your having support from a bubble is very important in maintaining your own mental health. Apart from us all knowing it anyway, it has been proved in studies that isolation is bad for us and that having support is good not just for our mental health but our physical health too. I know you know this, but I just felt it doesn't hurt for more people to say it and give you support in your situation.

In fact should you later want to return to your original bubble, if we still have these restrictions, then you would just need to wait two weeks and then change back. I feel strongly that families must be given this support. I am so sad that we have to do it but probably it helps us feel safer.

I wish you and your family well and hope the difficulties may soon be resolved. It is so hard for people at this time especially with Christmas coming. God bless you. Take care of yourself, keepingquiet, with love, Elle ???

I'm in the bubble situation and my thinking is that these should be interchangeable as long as there is a definite 14 day gap between any alteration at any time. Don't know if that's right or wrong as per officialdom but it seems logical to me.

I think it depends on how much support you need, like is it shopping etc or social contact. Same for them, what support do they need and if they are having problems are you/coping.

I took so long replying that I didn't see icanhandthemback's post.

Very sensible advice, imo.

I agree Bobby I didn’t think you were allowed to change bubbles - but who would know and people seem to please themselves anyway!

I can see absolutely no additional risk WHATSOEVER in 'desolving' an existing bubble (which might have become unsuitable for any number of reasons) and establishing a new one, as long as there is an absolute minimum of 14 days between these two events.

Of course, if we had officially been told that we could swap bubbles, even if the 14 days had been heavily stressed, we all know that some people would blatently ignore the last bit and just 'change' bubbles on an almost daily basis to try to justify their deliberate breaking of the rules, ignoring the fact that they put their own and many other people's health at risk by doing that !

I think you could be accused of breaking the rules if you were continually changing your support bubble but if you have isolated for 14 days, you are not risking anyone else. The thing to remember is that, unless your support bubble has isolated too, you may be at risk.
May I suggest that you talk with your son and ask him if he would like you to find another support bubble to take the pressure off him if he is going through a tough time. Explain that you will be very happy to isolate again when he is ready for more regular contact so he doesn't feel "pushed" into making a decision about you not seeing his baby and remind him you are always there at the end of a phone line. I believe you can also meet one person outside if you socially distance so you can still see each other for a walk.

I live alone and I don't understand the support bubble thing at all. I was apparently supposed to choose between my 3 sons all working from home all with very limited social contacts. I ignored it. I see all three sometimes. If they do something that means they might pose a risk to me they leave a longer period between their visits. It's just common sense.

I think we are all a bit tense and upset after so long not being allowed normal life. Maybe your son is suffering especially with a small baby, maybe give him a little longer and try and fix your differences after you all have had time to think things through.

There seems to be at least half a dozen reasons (maybe more) to 'need' a bubble- or for 'allowing' folk to be exempt from wearing face masks that the reason for wearing them or being apart from others seems to be getting lost in there.?

I would check out the rules on this one as I didnt think you were allowed to change your support bubble!

If this were the cases people would be chopping and changing every two weeks or so!

I don't see the sense in all the different 'loopholes' there are now for mixing in households and/or not having to wear face masks etc..

I lived without a bubble for a very long time - until about a month ago. But at that point I became seriously depressed (partly due to one of my heart meds) and the balance of personal risk shifted. I spent 3 non-consecutive nights with the DD I decided to bubble with in order to get me over that blip.

I think it is always worth remembering that the bubbles do not protect you personally (or your bubble members) but is simply to slow the spread.

Not easy no Erindoors- but if it can be managed then it would be worth it to bring this thing under control wouldn't it!

Lucca- that's not the point,is it?Hetty58 is right in a way- the only way to stop the spread is to well, stop spreading,mingling.If we can actually manage to stop all the house-hopping some folk have done it may well get under control.

If Hetty had lived alone she would know it isn’t easy without a support bubble

I presume Keepingquiet that you are physically able to go to them? You don't have to sit there & wait regally for them to visit you? Unless of course you are just giving them a bit of 'breathing space' to sort out their problems? But I'm sure your son could do with a bit of your support from this bubble you all formed too?plus you do wish to see you're GC.