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AIBU

my support bubble burst!

(60 Posts)
keepingquiet Fri 13-Nov-20 20:20:19

I live alone and formed a support bubble when they first became a thing with my son, his partner and my now six month old grandchild. I don't want to go into too much detail but they are having serious problems. I haven't been for two weeks because things are complicated. In short I'm being messed about.
I don't know if I should form a bubble with someone else and risk not seeing my grandchild, or keep in this one even though I don't know when I will see them?

Casdon Fri 13-Nov-20 20:49:24

I don’t think you would still be classified as in a support bubble with them after 14 days of not seeing your son and family, so you are free to bubble with somebody else, provided you then don’t see them for 14 days after you last meet the new person you are bubbling with?.

Danma Sat 14-Nov-20 09:40:35

I guess it depends on your options for other support bubbles, would this be family with children too?

If your son is having problems, might he need you for support ?

So sorry you feel you’ve been messed about....
Have you been in touch via phone ?

Hope it all works out x

Lucca Sat 14-Nov-20 09:42:52

I’d say two weeks is not long to wait. Why not give them a chance to work things out ? How often do you visit anyway ?

ooonana Sat 14-Nov-20 09:43:37

That’s an interesting situation, this is probably happening quite a lot with bubbles that started when they were announced. My family bubble is 150 miles away so I don’t get to see them that much. I wondered if like a previous commenter said, after 14 days have another bubble locally. I did read or hear somewhere that 2 bubbles were being considered by the government? have I dreamt that? I would still maintain the bubble you’re already in because of seeing your grandchild but think about an alternative as well. Real problem hope you sort something and their situation improves.

Grandy56 Sat 14-Nov-20 09:50:14

My sympathy is with you Keepingquiet as I know how difficult it is not to see your grandchild .
I can’t help wondering though how much of a support bubble it was before it burst . If you were the one making the effort to visit them, rather than them visit you, as the person living on your own.
It would be a shame to lose contact with your son and grandchild , Could you not invite your son around and chat it all through?
Failing that a new support bubble would be a good idea, with someone who will really support you .

polnan Sat 14-Nov-20 09:55:36

my support bubble is 6 miles away, I choose to visit them cost getting out and giving my little car a trip is good for me and my car...

just saying.

I think I would look for another support bubble, any chance of just one other person to "bubble" with?

hopefully only 18 days to go now, hopefully, it will be expanded then.

jocork Sat 14-Nov-20 09:55:52

The bubbling thing is difficult but my understanding is that changing your bubble is ok as long as you leave 14 days without contact if you change.
I didn't bubble initially as my DS and DD lived a long way away and most of my friends had bubbled with their own family members who live alone.
My DD lives 400 miles away and bubbled with friends but she changed her bubble a couple of times in that way, once to have a family to stay with her and once to come and stay with me.
Soon after my grandson was born my DS moved to Germany for a new job, then when the baby's passport arrived I travelled to Germany with him and my DiL and bubbled with them for a few days. It was meant to be for longer but Germany's lockdown meant an early return to the UK.
Now I'm back in the UK and will have been back for 14 days tomorrow so my options are open again.
It's particularly hard at this time of yoear with Christmas approaching and none of us knowing if we can be with family or not so many people may be struggling with similar decisions. Whatever you decide I hope things sort themselves out with your son and his family. flowers

Theoddbird Sat 14-Nov-20 10:23:40

I think you should be supporting your son rather than thinking about another support bubble for yourself.

Nannan2 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:25:07

Theres the rub though isn't it? You can't have 'alternative' bubbles to pick/choose from- that's why we've to stick with one- so theres no risk of spreading the virus! I presume that's why casdon suggests the 14 day thing as that's the 14 day isolation? I only have one DD & her family live near me so it would have made sense to bubble with them- but they wouldn't be visiting on a very regular basis anyway and they have been going out etc. & she had a friend to come stay in first restrictions, (who had a tent in garden to sleep in ,but still) so i didn't really bubble with DD.ive not bubbled with other AC as the rest live too far away& it wouldn't be fair to pick just one of them anyway. I'm not sure what the OP means/expects from her bubble? It means you can visit with the other people or mix in their home/they in yours doesn't it? Not that they have definitely got to come to your house to give you any 'help' as such? so unsure what she means by 'being messed about'? Being in a support bubble doesn't necessarily mean any actual 'help' being given does it,not really and yes as said by someone else- doesn't her son need her 'support' too? I'd have thought the support in a 'support bubble' is more emotional than actual physical 'help' like shopping or cleaning etc.? 🤔

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:25:35

I don't really get the 'support bubble' thing at all. Spending time in close contact with others is just the ideal way to catch the virus. I'm sure that most people who live alone can manage without 'support' for the duration.

Lucca Sat 14-Nov-20 10:33:22

Hetty, do you live alone ?

Nannan2 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:33:47

I presume Keepingquiet that you are physically able to go to them? You don't have to sit there & wait regally for them to visit you? Unless of course you are just giving them a bit of 'breathing space' to sort out their problems? But I'm sure your son could do with a bit of your support from this bubble you all formed too?plus you do wish to see you're GC.

Erindoors Sat 14-Nov-20 10:36:53

If Hetty had lived alone she would know it isn’t easy without a support bubble

Nannan2 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:38:55

Lucca- that's not the point,is it?Hetty58 is right in a way- the only way to stop the spread is to well, stop spreading,mingling.If we can actually manage to stop all the house-hopping some folk have done it may well get under control.

Nannan2 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:40:49

Not easy no Erindoors- but if it can be managed then it would be worth it to bring this thing under control wouldn't it!

Luckygirl Sat 14-Nov-20 10:43:00

I lived without a bubble for a very long time - until about a month ago. But at that point I became seriously depressed (partly due to one of my heart meds) and the balance of personal risk shifted. I spent 3 non-consecutive nights with the DD I decided to bubble with in order to get me over that blip.

I think it is always worth remembering that the bubbles do not protect you personally (or your bubble members) but is simply to slow the spread.

Nannan2 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:43:53

I don't see the sense in all the different 'loopholes' there are now for mixing in households and/or not having to wear face masks etc..

Bobbysgirl19 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:43:58

I would check out the rules on this one as I didnt think you were allowed to change your support bubble!

If this were the cases people would be chopping and changing every two weeks or so!

Nannan2 Sat 14-Nov-20 10:49:15

There seems to be at least half a dozen reasons (maybe more) to 'need' a bubble- or for 'allowing' folk to be exempt from wearing face masks that the reason for wearing them or being apart from others seems to be getting lost in there.🤔

nipsmum Sat 14-Nov-20 11:23:54

I think we are all a bit tense and upset after so long not being allowed normal life. Maybe your son is suffering especially with a small baby, maybe give him a little longer and try and fix your differences after you all have had time to think things through.

trisher Sat 14-Nov-20 11:33:04

I live alone and I don't understand the support bubble thing at all. I was apparently supposed to choose between my 3 sons all working from home all with very limited social contacts. I ignored it. I see all three sometimes. If they do something that means they might pose a risk to me they leave a longer period between their visits. It's just common sense.

icanhandthemback Sat 14-Nov-20 11:41:58

I think you could be accused of breaking the rules if you were continually changing your support bubble but if you have isolated for 14 days, you are not risking anyone else. The thing to remember is that, unless your support bubble has isolated too, you may be at risk.
May I suggest that you talk with your son and ask him if he would like you to find another support bubble to take the pressure off him if he is going through a tough time. Explain that you will be very happy to isolate again when he is ready for more regular contact so he doesn't feel "pushed" into making a decision about you not seeing his baby and remind him you are always there at the end of a phone line. I believe you can also meet one person outside if you socially distance so you can still see each other for a walk.

MamaCaz Sat 14-Nov-20 11:51:04

I can see absolutely no additional risk WHATSOEVER in 'desolving' an existing bubble (which might have become unsuitable for any number of reasons) and establishing a new one, as long as there is an absolute minimum of 14 days between these two events.

Of course, if we had officially been told that we could swap bubbles, even if the 14 days had been heavily stressed, we all know that some people would blatently ignore the last bit and just 'change' bubbles on an almost daily basis to try to justify their deliberate breaking of the rules, ignoring the fact that they put their own and many other people's health at risk by doing that !

Atqui Sat 14-Nov-20 11:51:45

I agree Bobby I didn’t think you were allowed to change bubbles - but who would know and people seem to please themselves anyway!