AIBU to expect approx same value gift

Your answer when asked if you like your husband
sometimes, sometimes not. We think alike on a lot of things but sadly he is an only son spoilt by his mother who nurtured phobias in him which means he can be hard to live with. It makes me sad but not as sad as being on my own

So you hang on to a husband you only like sometimes, sooner than be on your own not only shallow about the presents then

We give our children and spouses £50 each and we get presents of £10-20 in return . It doesn't worry me as DD and DS1 are sound and DDiL has a huge family.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable because clearly what upset you was your DH acting purely selfishly and nothing to do really with the Christmas gift cost. I would hope that your DD would realise these items were not your choice and I agree that if she then felt obliged to spend the same on you it would be too much. I would pick something for yourself like a bottle of nice wine or chocolates or a nice candle and let your husband do his worst!

That sounds like a a lovely thing to do over Christmas Lucca

You escaped all the frantic shenanigans!!

JenniferEccles

This may have already been mentioned but a few years ago Martin Lewis devoted a good part of his tv programme to Christmas presents.

As a financial expert he was pointing out the madness of the vast amounts of money a lot of people spend at Christmas and then find themselves in serious debt in the new year.

Isn’t it true that when we get to our age there isn’t a lot we want or need, and if we do we just go out and buy it?

Blimey JE I agree with you again.
One of my best christmases was when we disappeared off to Sicily for a week and avoided the whole thing

We do Secret Santa, although if it were up to me I wouldn't bother. I agree with those who say Christmas presents are for children, not adults. However, as other people in the family like the present-giving tradition, we each do lists of things we would like so the buyer can choose and there is still a bit of a surprise.

Jaxjacky

We as a family do lists, so we buy people what they’ve asked for, sometimes a couple of things, not exactly the same value. It evens out over the years.

That's a great idea, guess we should start doing it, too. Sounds pretty reasonable

This may have already been mentioned but a few years ago Martin Lewis devoted a good part of his tv programme to Christmas presents.

As a financial expert he was pointing out the madness of the vast amounts of money a lot of people spend at Christmas and then find themselves in serious debt in the new year.

Isn’t it true that when we get to our age there isn’t a lot we want or need, and if we do we just go out and buy it?

I'm sorry but I must say you sound very childish imho.

We decided to have no gifts for adults at Christmas many years ago and prefer to give to the grandchildren instead. In these times what is most important to us is to hope we can be together this Christmas. End off. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I don’t feel I need to have gifts - just seeing the children’s reactions is enough.

25Avalon and Welbeck - wishing you both well, for different reasons.
I hope you both find some peace and even joy over the Christmas period.

Sometimes relatively minor irritations take on more importance than they should, in the grand scheme of things.
?

thank you 25Avalon.

With all that’s going on in the world I think you are being unreasonable. Does it really matter? I find it all rather sad ☹️

Presents for adults are a nightmare.
Years ago my brother bought Dad a car radio as his car didn't have one. After Christmas Mum said to me that Dad would have bought one for himself and would have bought a better quality one. So disheartening.

I genuinely don't want my adult children spending lots of money on me. I always say I'd just like a bottle of wine or some nice handcream, both of which I would enjoy.
My husband is guilty of asking for more expensive presents and I tell him it's greedy.
I'd be more than happy to abandon present buying but they all make a big thing of it.
I find it quite depressing.

Welbeck sometimes, sometimes not. We think alike on a lot of things but sadly he is an only son spoilt by his mother who nurtured phobias in him which means he can be hard to live with. It makes me sad but not as sad as being on my own. Let me send you a big Christmas hug. I hear what you are saying.

OP, do you actually like your DH.
would you miss him if he wasn't there.
apart from having to do more gardening.
nobody is perfect, or perfectly attuned to an other.
we are all a work in progress.
wish i still had a chance to get annoyed with certain people.
i shall be alone this xmas. as usual.

Buffybee

*25Avalon*, reading between the lines, I think there is more to this than the OP.
For myself, I think your D?h was sneaky and selfish and greedy to snatch the Christmas Present off Dd for just himself.
Is he usually so self centered?
I find it very strange that he won’t share his garden tools with you, so this present will be just for him.
What would he say if you had told Dd you would like an expensive bottle of perfume for Christmas?
You could have even been generous and shared it with him.
I say selfish sod.....

But he didn’t snatch it for himself

OP wanted a joint gift
He didn’t like her suggestions
He offered up a gift he wanted
Op is upset because she doesn’t want her daughter to spend more money.

The only person who actually knows their budget here, is the daughter. I actually think it’s quite infantilizing for a parent to assume a budget without talking about it.

It sounds like op has a figure in mind that she finds acceptable for daughter to spend. But again, no one has asked daughter

I mentioned to DD2 I would like a bottle of scent (any) for Xmas, she replied she would like a new phone....?
Bit of a difference, but as the adverts say, she’s worth it.

In defence of those of us who have in one posters words “piled on”, if Avalon wished to make the point that husband is perhaps overbearing and ignores her wishes then It would have been better to pick another example and not talk about the value of Christmas gifts. IMHO.

I was reading Roald Dahl's "The Twits" to GD last week and the scenario of one of you grabbing the lion's share of the Christmas gift money and refusing to share the proceeds, would have been very much like something Mr & Mrs Twit would have done to annoy each other. You should both grow up imo. I'm afraid if I was your daughter, I'd give you each a lump of a coal in a stocking for being 2 ungrateful, squabbling children.

This is quite pathetic and very sad. Why not ask for a donation to a charity you both support?

So many people have so many problems around presents. It was solved for us 40 years ago, when my MIL said she didn’t like the presents we bought her for Christmas. That set the stage for the rest of our lives, or until we became estranged 20 years ago. We decided from that point...we’d no longer buy for adults, just children. It works beautifully, and there’s never any problems.

We just buy for the children now. I give a small money gift to a homelessness charity every year instead of sending cards. I think it is strange to be upset about wanting presents of equal value at our age but everyone is different i suppose.

Isn't this rather petty arguing if gifts you get cost the same. Be thankful that you were asked what you want.

Oh dear, when I read stuff like this I am so glad I am poor.