Gransnet forums


AIBU to expect approx same value gift

(171 Posts)
25Avalon Sun 22-Nov-20 20:27:41

My dd asked what we wanted for Christmas on Friday. Without asking me dh rings her tonight and tells her what he wants - a garden sieve and dibber coming to £62. Said I’d had 3 days and not come up with anything and there is 3 weeks delivery on his items. When I said it meant I should have something of equal value and it is too much to ask for he just could not get it! Said he could just have cheaper item and they could decide, so I said how would I know what to ask for on that basis. Mega row. Now he has told dd to cancel what he wanted and taken himself off into the study. I’m afraid I used a few choice words in exasperation. AIBU

Hetty58 Sun 22-Nov-20 20:35:37

My garden sieve was £10. Is his choice gold plated or something? I've never bought a dibber - just made one - but a couple of quid should do.

We do a whole family Elfster 'secret Santa' for adults. Everybody gets something, but there's a £20 limit. We prefer to spoil the kids.

Soozikinzi Sun 22-Nov-20 20:38:13

We have a family £100 secret Santa thing so there’s 8 of us in it you get a present for £100 and give one other adult family member or couple a gift of £100 - can be a surprise or a request works quite well for us . Could fix it lower we chose to set it at £100 . We buy for the grandkids out of that system - obviously ! Saves this kind of argument!

Grannynannywanny Sun 22-Nov-20 20:42:01

We do a secret Santa amongst the adults for one £20 gift. It works well for us. We buy for the children but only for 1 adult.

Patsy70 Sun 22-Nov-20 20:43:03

We do the same [Soozikinzi], so much easier.

Patsy70 Sun 22-Nov-20 20:44:50

Soozikinzi ?

lemongrove Sun 22-Nov-20 20:47:46

Talk to your DD avalon and say please do not spend too much, set a price on gifts for the future, £35 on each of you seems reasonable, and then you do the same for DD.

NotAGran55 Sun 22-Nov-20 20:52:29

We don’t give gifts at all to adults which is the easiest option of all!

I really can’t get my head around adults doing lists etc or asking for things .

Casdon Sun 22-Nov-20 20:53:45

I’m sorry but I do think YABU. It’s nothing to do with monetary value surely? He was proactive in deciding what he wanted and ringing your daughter which is good because it gives her time to order, which is presumably why she asked early. If she can’t afford to get both items she has the option to buy one or the other depending on her budget. I honestly don’t see the problem, once you’ve decided what you want, ring and tell her?

Urmstongran Sun 22-Nov-20 20:57:01

I’m with you on this Casdon.

BlueBelle Sun 22-Nov-20 20:57:49

What a strange set up I had to read your post twice to get it
Never heard of a dibber and sieve costing £62
Is it really important at our age to be having a benny over having exactly the same amount spent on you ?
Just ask for something you want within the price range given
Daft to get het up over it being the same to the penny
I think I’d join your husband in the study
It’s lost all its joy now for the sake of a few pounds

25Avalon Sun 22-Nov-20 20:58:59

I was looking for a joint present and then dh pulled the rug under my feet. I feel he could have discussed with me first. Ok If he wants separate present fine but If I spend the same the combined total I feel is too much.

Jaxjacky Sun 22-Nov-20 21:01:19

We as a family do lists, so we buy people what they’ve asked for, sometimes a couple of things, not exactly the same value. It evens out over the years.

lemongrove Sun 22-Nov-20 21:01:46

I understand what Avalon is saying....her DH just decided for her on the joint presents, hardly a fair thing to do! It had to be decided together.

tanith Sun 22-Nov-20 21:03:20

In that just choose something cheaper, sorry but it’s a bit daft wanting the same value present.

Grannynannywanny Sun 22-Nov-20 21:05:21

I feel lists should be left to the children to write in their letter to Santa.

25Avalon Sun 22-Nov-20 21:05:45

The dibber is £18 and the sieve £44 - specially hand made in UK with 3 weeks order time. Yes it is expensive but that is why. Strangely enough I don’t want these as a joint present so I either put dd to great expense or I have something much cheaper. Doesn’t seem fair. I would like to have been asked before he spoke to dd.

BlueBelle Sun 22-Nov-20 21:09:12

Exactly tanith whys it got to be to the penny choose a cheaper gift and let him be the winner !
It really sounds like playground stuff
Get in first next year What matters what they cost ? All that upset over a few pounds

paddyanne Sun 22-Nov-20 21:10:46

Does he do all the work in the garden and do you get pleasure from it? then its a joint gift.Simple .

Jaxjacky Sun 22-Nov-20 21:13:47

Grannynannywanny saves duplicates, Santa is on .cc

etheltbags1 Sun 22-Nov-20 21:14:08

Are christmas gifts not supposed to be about thought and kindness to each other. In our present climate we all should be glad to have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Christmas presents should be a lovely surprise not costed out.

EllanVannin Sun 22-Nov-20 21:15:26

Blimey I'd use a stick and buy a large kitchen sieve grin

Oldbat1 Sun 22-Nov-20 21:17:52

I don’t want or need anything. Much prefer if said money went to charity.

25Avalon Sun 22-Nov-20 21:18:47

Actually I do most of the work in the large garden including all the digging. He potters in the poly tunnel and a small piece of vegetable garden.

Deedaa Sun 22-Nov-20 21:23:41

The whole thing does sound abit childish. What sort of presents have you had from her in previous years? Is this suddenly much more than she would normally spend? In our family the men are usually a nightmare to find presents for and to have one ask for something specific would be a definite bonus.