wanting to spend Christmas on my own

Daisychain
I'm in the same position so I'll tell my family I'm going to yours and you tell your lot that you're coming to mine.....sorted!

I agree with those that say do what you want,it`s also safer for you with covid not going anywhere soon.

MY HUSBAND DIED 2019. I CHOSE TO HAVE XMAS ALONE. I HAD CHINESE NIBBLES ALL DAY, HAD GOOD WINE AND SWEET FOODS. WATCHED GREAT RECORDED THINGS.
IT WAS JUST WHAT I NEEDED
THIS YEAR I PLANNED TO TRY AND VISIT DAUGHTER, COVID HAS STOPPED THAT BUT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO ONE ALONE !!

My husband's nan wanted to spend Christmas Day at home quietly alone. Her family would not hear of it and collected her Christmas morning. She sulked so badly they were glad to take her home after Christmas lunch. She knew what she wanted !

If that's what makes you happy . As people get older they tend to like there home comforts and there's nothing wrong with that . Just explain to your family it's not personnel but you would be more happier in your own home .

Daisy hasn't, your not being unreasonable. You should. Be able to spend Christmas how you want to. We've so spent Christmas with family. But this year I am happy to spend Christmas just the 2 of us. But my older daughter getting upset, doesn't want us to spend day on our own, but she's a teacherand has 2 daughters at secondary school and doesn't want to come and infect us, so she v thinks either my other son or daughter should spend it with us my sons partner is a midwife and wants to see her mum. And my daughter lives over an hour away and in their 3 , so we're quite happy not seeing them, but it's causing friction between eldest daughter and them. Way I look at it it's one day we are happy about it, but the friction getting to me. I'll be glad when Christmas and this pandemic is over. Roll.on getting the vaccine.

While I can appreciate the benefits of being on ones own, I do love my DD's cooking - she does a lovely job of cooking the while meal and wont have help, my job is to supervise DGD and DGS opening their presents (can be hard work) but I'm lucky to. be included!

Really .I already feel left out of all things .I feel really depressedcabout spending Christmas on my own. I spend all day every day on my own.I want to be with my daughter and GC for one day at Christmas. And she says she wants to feel comfortable with saying no to me.I haven't had then in my home since March. I tell you its awful lonely being on your own at Christmas or any other time of the year.be grateful for what they are offering.

I well remember my own mother saying at the last minute on Christmas Eve - just as I was going to drive the 60 miles to fetch her - that she’d really rather stay quietly at home.

OK, but I went anyway, to take her presents and some nice food.

Only trouble was, by then she was in the earlier stages of dementia, and later that evening she was on the phone, furiously angry at being all on her own on Christmas Eve - I was the worst daughter in the world, she was cutting me out of her will, etc.

I was in tears for ages - nothing I said could convince her that of course she’d been invited and hadn’t wanted to come.

Thank goodness, when I phoned on Christmas Day - in fear and trepidation in case of more of the same - she’d completely forgotten the whole episode and was happy enough.

I love my children and my six grandchildren but I’d rather spend Christmas alone this year than be six feet under next year. They all respect my wishes on this. They’ve all been sent presents! If you feel you’re being bullied into unsafe multi-generational indoor mixing, you probably are being bullied or emotionally manipulated in some way. Ask them jokingly/nicely if they’re trying to advance their inheritance - that should shut them up ???

I find little white lies are best way to keep the peace ‘lm sorry darling but l have twisted my ankle etc’ Otherwise mine see me as just being awkward

You do what 'you' want for Xmas and just say to them that you are happier this year not to have to travel. I'll get up Xmas morning and open my presents. Then go to collect my sister, we visit our parents grave and she comes back to mine for Xmas dinner, then goes home. I spend Xmas night on my own and all Boxing Day. I sit in my PJs that day,only changing the bottoms to take the dog out and watch rubbish TV, eating my way through my Xmas chocs. Bliss.

It’s just a day, and if it’s your choice to be alone your family shouldn’t feel guilty. I have spent Christmas on my own and I enjoyed it watching whatever I wanted on TV, indulging myself with tasty treats the day went quickly. This year has been a difficult year with all the isolating we’ve had to do Christmas home alone isn’t a difficult option.

Shandy 57 maybe your son is also looking forward to the peace and quiet and doing his own thing. Hubby and l are christmasing alone as he is very vunerable, I've told my girls and said l can watch the grandchildren open our presents on whatsapp they completely understand. I do wonder if l would be allowed to stay on my own over Christmas if l was on my own though so I'm making notes readying the excuses, l feel a headache coming on lol

Right, I‘m probably going against the grain here but have doubts . First of all, if the decision not to go along with the get-together family Tradition is for health reasons , then I fully support it. However, I feel that too many of us , and in this respect I really am not judging Daisychain, are becoming more focused on our personal needs and forget that family traditions are important in life. Of course, there is an element of ‚give and sacrifice „ but these occasions live in memory and somehow bind families. Can you imagine your Christmas as a child without the family and if everyone did theirown thing? Please excuse the Preaching, but my husband often refuses to join me because it is often sooo tedious, which I find extremely hurtful.

I don’t live near my family but if we did would only meet for a walk. Problem this year I think is that because rules are relaxed for Christmas, and families can legitimately meet, some vulnerable GPs will feel uncomfortable declining.
I think it will be sad if for a few days of family time, there will be an increase in hospital admissions afterwards.
We plan to have a celebration in Spring, after the vaccine, hopefully.

I would just love to have Christmas Day on my own. Just one day of absolute peace and quiet. My choice of what’s on TV. Only me to cook for. Get up whenever. Wash up at the end of the day. Wonderful. A week would be better?

Just say NO! And then dont turn up..or if you feel you cant stand up to them- ring on xmas eve or early xmas day- coughing &spluttering & say you 'must be coming down with something-so you'd best stay home'.Job done!

I was always in the habit of going away for Christmas but not this year and am quite comfortable with staying at home with all my hobbies to keep me busy.

Daisychain please just say no, you should be able to do what you want the upheaval of travel would be enough for me even without the expected bad weather. Who wants to go out in the cold when they can stay at home? Your family needs to understand you're not lonely, you just need some alone time. When my first marriage broke up many years ago I spent my first Christmas alone and loved it. Everyone though I was mad & I got lots of invitations to spend Christmas with friends & family, but for me it was a treat to have some peace and quiet, I got plan my own day. I ate when and what I wanted, watched the tv I wanted to see, did some reading it was heaven! I tried to do the same the following year but was nagged into spending it with my parents, it was ok but I honestly preferred to be on my own & not have to go out in the cold so the year after that I said I was going to a friends house for the day (someone they didn't know so couldn't check up)

Yes, the having Christmas alone upsets lots of people. I think it's either because most people have a fear/dread of being alone on this day and they project those fears on to you.
Also because we are all raised with the idea of family get together's and this is emphasized daily by advertising.
The same type of thinking also applies to people who holiday alone.
Last year I had a last minute holiday in Madeira as a solo traveler.
Waiting at the airport to fly home I got chatting to a lady who was also on her own.
I asked if you she had enjoyed her trip, to which she said it had been ruined by relatives!
In her early seventies she had treated herself to this holiday, was very proud of herself for going it alone.
However, the day after she arrived her brother and SIL appeared as they had secretly booked into the same hotel, so that she wouldn't be ON HER OWN!!!
Sound like controlling behavior to me.

We’re staying home this Christmas, just the two of us .
Our two daughters and our adult grandchildren don’t want us to be on our own but we’ve said better to be apart this year and still be around to enjoy next year . It is our choice and I know there will be upset family to contend with but I’ve been shielding since March because I’m classed as clinically vulnerable due to age (74) and health problems... We are sure we’re doing the right thing but it’s hard when family don’t want to accept that we’re not being awkward just careful ...

Daisychain , you must do what you want to do on Christmas day. The first Christmas after OH died I went to family for the day. Second Christmas I told my daughter I was going to spend the day with Best Friend and told my Best Friend I would be with Daughter. Simples!
I just enjoyed a long walk in the afternoon, had lots of nice things from M&S to eat and watched TV all evening. I wasnt miserable, I just felt I didnt want to endure a whole day of noise and merriment , when all I wanted was a day of peace on my own, and to remember happy memories of my husband.
Boxing day I went over to say hello and see the kids presents. No problem. However you could also use the Covid restrictions as an excuse this year.

Much heartened by the strength and will of so many. Xxx I remember when I was a daughter who hosted her mum every year I thought I was a bit of a martyr until she started saying she’d rather stay at home. I was devastated because when it came down to it it wasn’t Christmas without my mum.
I don’t think I am that important, I think my children would love me to embrace Christmas solitude! I think I will see my bubble daughter and husband, but threesomes aren’t brilliant ....I will miss the gathering, and my son and grandchildren ....but I think we might go to the seaside with the dogs... healthy and fun good luck all however you do it.

My daughter is in Belfast, so I definitely won't be seeing her, my son is an hour's drive away. I have told him I don't want to see him until we are vaccinated.

He's lived with his girlfriend for eight years now. I assumed he was in her family's bubble and could go there, but he's said he's going to be at home alone too as her Dad is vulnerable. I just don't want to bother with Christmas this year and if he turns up unexpectedly will suddenly have to pull it out of the bag, I'm too tired. What a year.