Unkind comments

When somebody says something insensitive or rude to me I usually say “oh dear, I don’t expect you intended that to sound as rude (hurtful - insert adjective of choice) as it did”.

muse, "...how much do you weigh?" is a great answer. I shall use that when asked any personal question myself.

I have a great resting bitch face.

Great response muse.

cornishpatsy

My daughter is above average height, when meeting new people they often comment on how tall she is as though she hasn`t noticed.

Same here but it's me that's tall. At 16 I was 6'.1" Still am! Not the 16 bit (I wish ). I was too shy then to give a good retort back but I do now.
One of my favourite replies is: "Really, I never knew that. Thanks for telling me"
Or if somebody says "how tall are you?" you say "I don't know, how much do you weigh?"
Hate it when someone stands at the side of me jumping up and down when doing the name calling.

Crossed post.

To whom is your comment addressed pmeehan3?

That was a response to OceanMama.

Wow. That was insensitive of you. You could have handled it a much better way. Like suggest to help you with something. Ouch.

I'm practising my resting bitch face right now as I'm usually smiling. I'd never take any notice of silly remarks, just think 'Another idiot'.

I do believe, though, as we age, our faces depend on muscle memory, so tend to show our usual mood. My friend always looks grumpy and/or worried - such a shame.

I have the resting "miserable cow" face so ignore the "cheer up" comments.

The only time I got annoyed is, when younger, meeting new people at a party being asked the usual questions like what do you do etc. Then comes the question "do you have children" when I would answer no I would get the inevitable questions "why is that" or even "whose fault is it". My stock reaction was to say I didn't know them well enough to have that conversation and walk away

I used to get called ‘ smiler’ deadpan and poker face over the years. I don’t have the facial muscles or set of teeth to have a big broad smile or have a large mouth. I have had a hard traumatic upbringing and perhaps that might have something to do with it I don’t know. My DD has a big broad beautiful smile. I don’t feel the need or the urge to go around grinning but I do have a dry sense of humour and can make most people laugh no matter who they are...

As a child, I was continually being told to "take that look off your face!" The more they said it, the more I found my face muscles froze so I couldn't have smiled if I wanted to. As I have a resting bitch face, I found that the exhortations just made me look miserable more of the time than I ever looked happy. However, despite the fact that I still look miserable, I am actually a cheerful person most of the time.

One ambiguous, but very effective, response to "Cheer up, it might never happen" is "It already has," then turn away.
Nobody's ever quite sure how to reply to that.

I am glad I have read this Post today...and I say good on those who have stood up and said their peace to those who are rude and have too much to say!! I myself have had to deal with 2 relatives over a short period of time who have made comments to me whereby I have just had enough and have now distanced myself from them. I dont usually suffer fools but each time a comment has been made I have been stunned into silence because I cannot believe what has come into their mouths. The first comment was made 18 months ago...I had at the time put on alot of weight and found out I had severe sleep apnea which frightened me. I was thinking of paying for a Gastric Bypass and this relative said in front of other people..."Why dont you just stop eating so much"..I was mortified and felt belittled. Another time I received a Tax Rebate and took a few people out for a meal..this same relative made a comment again in front of everyone else "You dont have to pay for our Company"... I felt belittled again for just being thoughtful & generous. The other relative made a comment when I was telling her about siblings in my family and why I we dont get on. I mentioned that some people have said the siblings are jealous...this relative piped up with " Why are they jealous of you"! like I had nothing going for me. Another time this same relative was talking about my Grandmother on my Mothers side who sadly we did not have a close relationship due to my Mother not having a close relationship with her Mother. This relative made a comment about a time my Grandmother visited our family house and I had not known about the visit..seemingly my Grandmother told this relative something quite sad...the relative said to me .. this is going to upset you...but I will tell you anyway!! Why would someone do that when they knew already how upset you where about the situation?? Why would they want to upset you further?? Just to add these 2 relatives are husband & wife. I realised I never felt good about myself around them.

I have ms and I'm often quite unsteady on my feet. I wish I had a £1 for everytime someone has said you should take more water with it or it's a bit early to be drinking when I stumble.

cornishpatsy how I feel for your daughter. My teenage years were made miserable by “My aren’t you tall? What’s the weather like up there?” It’s taken many years not to be bothered by my height and oddly nobody remarks on it any more either. Some recompense for ageing!

At the other end of the spectrum, I get wound up by people being interviewed on TV about something very serious or very sad who have a smile on their face as they speak about it! Surely your face should have a serious expression when the subject involves death or sorrow.

I m another who when sitting on my own at a party (husband had disappeared as usual) was told to cheer up what the fxxx how can you sit on your own with a smile plastered on your face all the time It’s the only reason I started smoking during that period of my life because I somehow didn’t feel so self conscious with a fag in my hand (more normal) how dare people (men mostly) make you feel so small
Now I have a small light brown sun spot (so much nicer than an age spot) below my eye I m forever getting people telling me I have a mark on my effing face ...leave my face out of it people

I don't understand why anyone would make a comment to someone who looks unhappy. If I see someone who looks sad I wonder if they actually are and saying "Cheer up" could make them feel worse.
I know my "resting bitch face" does look a bit miserable sometimes even though I am feeling perfectly happy.

A young female I know had stitches on her face after a lump had been removed and she was waiting to hear if it had been malignant. She was very self conscious about the very obvious stitches, but it was all made so much worse by the number of complete strangers who commented on it. Mostly telling her she ought to have it 'fixed', and one even recommended plastic surgery - for stitches??

As a teenager my top two front teeth were slightly longer than the rest, one day there was a whole group of us, girls and boys, standing around in town having a laugh and a joke.

Suddenly one of the boys looked at me and said oh my god, you look just like Bugs Bunny with those teeth! Of course, everyone immediately turned to look at me and laughed. I was mortified!

In later years I had them filed down but now, looking at photos I can see that actually they weren’t that bad! His cruel, trying-to-be-clever remark haunted me for years.

Years ago before seat belts I had a car accident & sustained a black eye. A chap walked past me on a crowded street and with sly smile said "I bet you deserved it!"
He clearly thought I had been domestically abused. Pig of a man.

My bloke said to me once (early on), 'You should get those veins (on my leg) fixed.' I snapped back 'And you should get a nose job and a face lift.'

One of the only times I have had a pithy reply ready.

My daughter is above average height, when meeting new people they often comment on how tall she is as though she hasn`t noticed.