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Unkind comments

(53 Posts)
Quizzer Thu 24-Dec-20 10:13:06

I have the sort of mouth that turns down at the corners when my face is relaxed, mainly due to sagging skin! I am so sick of jokey comments, usually from complete strangers, that I look miserable or should "cheer up". I can't go round with an inane smile on my face all the time!
I now have a standard reply that stops them in their tracks and hopefully makes them think twice in future. I simply say "I am sorry, my sister died today" and walk quickly away (I never had a sister). If I wasn't so indignant about their remark I would love to see their reaction.
Is anyone else plagued by insensitive remarks.

OceanMama Thu 24-Dec-20 10:21:05

I fully support that response. I haven't often been told to smile but the few older men that have told me to smile, they have no idea what goes on in my life. It's quite presumptuous.

FannyCornforth Thu 24-Dec-20 10:21:12

Oh dear.
That happened to me once when I was in my twenties.
I was in a pub with my best friend and I must have been looking very, very sad.
Some bloke said 'Cheer up, it might never happen'.
And I replied that it was my mom's funeral the next day.
It was.
The poor man was mortified.
I felt awful for him, to be honest.

I would not do it if I were you.

timetogo2016 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:22:13

Thankfully no i`m not Quizzer.
But some people realy are rude, i wonder what their reaction would be if someone said something about their looks.
Vile ignorant pigs.

vampirequeen Thu 24-Dec-20 10:24:41

My mouth naturally turns down too. It's really annoying when people tell you to cheer up. I love the 'sister died' response.

OceanMama Thu 24-Dec-20 10:26:40

I've only had older men do this. Probably something to do with the socialisation that women should be cheerful and smiling all the time. I've never done it but hope I'll be quick enough to think to reply something about them having no idea what is going on in my life if it happens again.

I once had someone go on at me about the hard day they had and that they had a headache. I nodded with understanding and smiled and acknowledged their frustration. Eventually they went on for long enough I couldn't listen to it anymore and told them I knew all about headaches since my daughter had died six months ago that day. It changed the direction of conversation at least and I finished up and left.

Charleygirl5 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:31:01

What about "are you so rude to every stranger you meet?" They really should think twice before opening their big mouths.

Nana3 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:31:32

I've had that cheer up it might never happen remark. Some people think they can say what they like, so thoughtless.

Redhead56 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:34:55

I would not say I was plagued by remarks but some people don’t think before they open their mouth. When I was younger people I know would not usually make remarks because I was rather feisty. In other words I would not put up with it and put them in their place. As I have aged I have become more laid back. But I find people take advantage of this and make tactless comments. I never make personal remarks to people but have noticed some people do. I have decided they are ignorant and do not know how to have a conversation so avoid them.

Laurely Thu 24-Dec-20 10:35:34

That used to happen to me when I was a self-conscious teenager. Encouraged by learning from the Readers Digest that we use 43 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile, my way of coping was to practise smiling. Literally. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to see what others saw when I was looking 'normal', then smiled and learned the muscle memory for that. It did feel odd to go about with what felt like an 'inane smile on my face all the time', but only for a while. Anyway, the point of this story is that my DH says that when he first saw me, in 2010, what attracted him was my lovely smile!

Daisymae Thu 24-Dec-20 10:36:51

The 'cheer up' remark has been made to me many times. I am a serious person with a face to match! No one knows what goes on in anothers life and I agree it's just rude. I quite like the OPs response, it will probably stop them from saying it again.

Kate1949 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:47:12

Like some posters have said, you don't know what's going on in people's lives. I am always being told that I don't look very happy and rarely smile. Well I'm not a happy person and, having had all my teeth removed aged 11, no I don't feel like smiling much. People should think before they speak.

Septimia Thu 24-Dec-20 10:52:19

My mum always had a downward-turned mouth when her face was 'in repose'. I tend to do the same, especially when pensive. Probably most people's faces tend to be like that.

You can't smile all the time or you'd look like you'd lost your marbles.

I bet those rude people who comment can look just as miserable!

grandtanteJE65 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:55:40

No adult has ever said anything like that to me.

A schoolchild once told me I looked cross. I replied that I wasn't, that she was rude to say so, and that it really was a wonder I wasn't cross with cheeky brats like her in the class.

After that there was no more trouble with that class and the child and I became good friends.

MawBe Thu 24-Dec-20 10:59:24

I wouldn’t say I was vain (!) but I have always been shortsighted and until I absolutely needed my glasses for driving I rarely wore them out, just used to get by with the world just a bit fuzzy round the edges. I realised though that I was frowning because I was trying to make out numbers on buses/whether I recognised that person across from me/ so as people used to comment on my “worried expression” , to compensate I would put a silly smile on my face at the same time.
I’m surprised the men in white coats weren’t called!

Alexa Thu 24-Dec-20 11:00:01

It has happened to me too and I hate it! It happened to me once in a pub when my companion had gone to the loo and I was sitting alone. A strange man approached and said "cheer up". I was infuriated and when my companion returned he was amazed to find me in engaged in a pub brawl.

LauraNorder Thu 24-Dec-20 11:00:29

I’m inclined to agree with FannyC on the response.
I agree with most others that people should keep their comments to themselves but think that probably most are just being friendly and mean we’ll.
We don’t know what’s going on in their life either and to tell them that you have just lost someone when you haven’t will make them feel wretched.

FannyCornforth Thu 24-Dec-20 11:00:43

grandtanteJE65tchshock
You called a child a 'cheeky brat' in order to teach her to be polite?!

Alexa Thu 24-Dec-20 11:04:58

No, Fanny, it is always right for a responsible adult to point a child in the right direction. It is always wrong to comment on another';s appearance unless the comment is a sincere compliment at the appropriate time.

TerriBull Thu 24-Dec-20 11:05:07

I believe a "sulky" look when the face is in repose is known as "resting bitch face". Probably not sulky at all just a normal non smiley face. I got hauled out in front of my class aged about 7 or 8 and whacked by a particularly vicious nun, apparently I had an insolent look on my face, as far as I was aware it was my normal expression shock I've never forgotten that incident it's forever stored away in my brain as one of the most unfair things that happened during my school days.

Moving on when I was in my teens and twenties there would be many occasions when the idiot type of male came out with that inane of inanest remark "cheer up love" Does anyone say this to men??? are we supposed to walk around grinning like a Cheshire Cat from ear to ear hmm People who say this to strangers or indeed anyone they know are beyond irritating imo!

Tell them to mind their own business OP, as you quite rightly pointed out who knows what pain someone has just gone through, we are all entitled to be alone with our thoughts without interference from idiots!

Blossoming Thu 24-Dec-20 11:25:08

I am left side hemiplegic. It never ceases to amaze me when complete strangers feel entitled to comment on or question me about my health, based on my appearance. So rude.

Blossoming Thu 24-Dec-20 11:27:26

TerriBull now practicing my resting bitchface tchgrin

25Avalon Thu 24-Dec-20 11:35:02

My advice is ignore the remarks of strangers which they have no right to be giving you. What if someone were walking around looking miserable for whatever reason? The only acceptable thing would be to ask someone if something was wrong out of natural compassion but you would only expect this from someone you know.

Woodmouse Thu 24-Dec-20 11:36:50

My resting face is Miserable Cow. I've had a few remarks over the years. The irony is that I have a reputation for cheerfulness which is true.

barbiann57 Thu 24-Dec-20 11:37:46

I was in a service station on the M1 Moterway, having just witnessed my mother;s horrendous death. A stupid girl on a nearby table shouted over to me ' Cheer up in might never happen. ' It's wrong to comment on the way a person is looking, It;s rude, and thoughtless.