Feeling bad about a Xmas day family zoom

Don't beat yourself up BerthaT you were sad and emotional, I'm sure your family will allow you a little leeway at the moment. So sorry about your friend.

merlotgran

^'ugh it's all about her, she needn't have mentioned it today.'^

If this is what you suspect your DD is thinking then maybe you need to set yourself a New Years resolution. It's easy to blurt out something sad and negative when everyone is in a happy mood but after what everyone has been through this year it's often necessary to think before you speak.

I agree with this advice??
It’s done now so forget about it though.

You shouldn't be too hard on yourself. This has been a strange and emotional Christmas.

I thought I would be fine but I found myself weeping on Christmas Eve at thought of all those - the living and the dead - that I missed so much. My DD rang us late at night, on the verge of tears, because she missed us and felt sad that we couldn't be together. I even felt saddened by the fact that the DGC's elderly guinea pig had to be put to sleep on Christmas Eve, so God knows how you must have felt about the loss of an old friend! No wonder you were in tears.

I bet your family understood that, even though it was Christmas, you were grieving. They would realise that you can't just turn off sadness, even if you want to.

I am sorry for your loss. Hope you feel a little better now.

I am sorry about the loss of your friend, Bertha, and as someone has said, "your emotions took over." I think you would probably feel better if you sent your daughters a text saying exactly that and sorry that you ended on a sad note and that you're sure they understand.

I think you would feel better for doing that, and hopefully it would trigger kind replies..... but if not, try to let it go. If your daughters are anything like mine, their lives are busy, they are often self-centred, and they probably won't have given it another thought. You are the person who's feeling sad and miserable, and now adding guilt into the mix.

The important thing is for you to stop beating yourself up over it. It wasn't the end of the world for you to show your feelings, and now you must be nice to yourself and grieve for your friend.

Christmas is always an emotional time, and this year it has been even more so.

Chewbacca I so agree with you. Just thinking of people on their own, recently bereaved and those with overwhelming problems brings me to tears.

So very sorry to hear the sad news of your friend BerthaT. You did very well to enjoy the zoom with your family, but it was perfectly natural to tell them about your friend, and I’m certain they will understand. Absolutely no need to say sorry. You are their Mum, and they know that you are caring and emotional. Please don’t beat yourself up.

I don't think any of us is in full control of out emotions right now; always on the verge of tears of misery or frustration. I know mine are never far away these days.

No, definitely don’t worry. I’m surprised you made it to the end of the zoom....how sad for you. Your family will understand, even if they seemed not to to begin with. Take it slowly, a day at a time. Your daughters are fine...but you need to grieve. No apologies necessary. ?

'ugh it's all about her, she needn't have mentioned it today.'

If this is what you suspect your DD is thinking then maybe you need to set yourself a New Years resolution. It's easy to blurt out something sad and negative when everyone is in a happy mood but after what everyone has been through this year it's often necessary to think before you speak.

Harris27 ........ Please don't beat yourself up about your tears. Here are some for you.

Oh Bertha, you lost a dear friend on Christmas Eve and as cornishpatsy has posted "the emotion of the day took over" so please don't upset your self further, worrying about what your family may or may not be thinking.

I'm sending you a big hug and for the loss of your friend and I hope that the next time you speak to your family they say they're sorry for your loss and hope you're OK.

You probably felt that you should mention it just to make them realise not everyone is having such a good day. Not in a bad way just that we should all be counting our blessings way. Don’t feel bad about it send them all a little text message and be upbeat in that. So sorry about your friend.

You didnt plan to say it, the emotion of the day just took over.
if you think it would help a text saying "sorry for being overcome with emotion at that time" might bring replies of "thats ok we understand".

You do not know what they are all thinking if they are even thinking about it at all.

You have lost your friend, try to be kind to yourself even if others are not.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and I can quite understand why you’d want to mention it! The one thing that stood out for me was that you said bursting into tears isn’t unusual for you - that can be quite wearing for people, especially as it was the end of a lovely, cheerful time. It sounds like it ended things on quite a muted note, and perhaps the daughter you’re less close to finds your crying difficult.

Either way it’s a perfectly understandable thing to do, but maybe think in future about timing and trying to find other ways to deal with your feelings than crying.