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AIBU The problem I have with my husband exercising in our flat

(34 Posts)
Altissimma Sun 17-Jan-21 15:08:25

We live in a very small flat, our living room is a kitchen/diner/lounge so I only have the bedrooms to 'escape' to. I find it difficult to stay in the living room whilst he’s exercising. He has a regime of seated exercises that he does every other day, on the off days he's doing knee exercises post knee surgery.

He does the seated equivalent of 'marching on the spot' and we have wooden floors to this, in itself, is noisy! He’s forcing himself, while exercising, to get his heart rate up. Whilst that’s commendable, for me in the same room, I can’t watch TV or read, or use my laptop as he’s so loud and, to put not to fine a point on it, he sounds like he’s performing a sex act!

I have two options, to either:
* go into the bedroom and read or watch TV while he’s exercising
* stay in the living room trying to watch TV or using my laptop but then I end up saying “oh gawd” to the ‘phew’ and puffing he does while he’s exercising.

Then he moans at me for not staying in the room or for criticising the noise he’s making and then moans about the fact that I don’t exercise. Like doing housework: changing the beds, hoovering, washing the wood and tile floors, cleaning the bathrooms (we have an en-suite meaning extra loo rolls and extra toilet cleaning) putting washing on and taking the rubbish out doesn’t get my heart rate up - I’m actually much more healthy than he is. He does try to help as he'll wash up ("let's not use the dishwasher as there's just the two of us") and make meals, but all the other housework just wouldn’t get done if I didn’t do it. His excuse for wanting me to stay in the room is that, if he started to feel ill, I should be there for him and I get that but it's not like our bedroom is so far away from our living room that I wouldn't hear him if he called me. I've tried to explain how I feel but it's difficult to verbalise without it hurting his feelings.

I’m at a loss to know how to deal with his attitude. I almost feel like I need to surreptitiously put in some ear plugs whilst he's exercising for some peace and quiet!

AGAA4 Sun 17-Jan-21 15:19:15

Is this for just a short time every day Altissimma? Maybe just an hour or so?
It is good that he is exercising especially if he needs to because of knee surgery. I can understand how difficult it can be if you only have a small flat.
I would just go into your bedroom and read and if he is worried that he may feel ill while you are not there give him a bell or something that would alert you.

EllanVannin Sun 17-Jan-21 15:25:05

I'd have used the rolling pin before now and it wouldn't have involved baking !

NotSpaghetti Sun 17-Jan-21 15:27:30

I know it's annoying as you said so. I find it annoying when my husband's on the exercise bike. I think I'd use the opportunity to prepare dinner or iron or whatever you can do in there that isn't relaxing!
Be thankful you have him and that he wants to get better/fitter.

Good luck.

fevertree Sun 17-Jan-21 15:30:11

Watch something on your tablet or laptop with earphones in, and tell him to raise his hand to attract your attention should he need it!

Galaxy Sun 17-Jan-21 15:34:08

Crikey I would be running as fast as I possibly can if anyone asked me to stay in the room with them when I didnt want to.

Daisymae Sun 17-Jan-21 15:36:44

Noise cancelling headphones should do the trick.

Blossoming Sun 17-Jan-21 15:36:52

As someone who has had to do indoor physio exercises every day for the last 20 years I sympathise with both of you. I think people have given good advice, if he moans about you not exercising point out that you are performing functional exercise as you do the housework.

Redhead56 Sun 17-Jan-21 15:45:50

It's really good he is wanting to exercise as it's good for everyone especially after an operation. But expecting you to sit there in case he feels ill is ridiculous attention seeking behaviour.
Why can't he walk around the block A gentle walk is beneficial. I would get on with jobs as others have suggested or go to the bedroom and I would ignore the moaning.

felice Sun 17-Jan-21 15:49:51

Could he perhaps be looking for attention when he is making so much noise. You say you live in an apartment how do the neighbours feel about all the feet stamping?
Maybye he just wants you to show appreciation for his efforts to get fit.
Men can be small boys in big bodies sometimes !!!

lemsip Sun 17-Jan-21 15:52:53

instead of feeling like 'surreptitiously' putting ear plugs in just put them in and let him see you do it!

how awful for you though!

Redhead56 Sun 17-Jan-21 15:53:08

Totally agree!

tiredoldwoman Sun 17-Jan-21 15:58:02

Exercise with him ?

PollyDolly Sun 17-Jan-21 15:59:39

So, if he starts to feel ill whilst you're in the room, what does he expect you to do????? And I'm sure the bedroom isn't that far away that you wouldn't hear him shout if he was in trouble is it?
He sounds like a mardy control freak to me! Get him involved in more housework, he'll soon realise how much exercise you are getting.
As for the excessive noise from the hard flooring, can't he put a cushion down before this "seated marching on the spot" regime?

Grandmabatty Sun 17-Jan-21 16:01:49

Felice that's exactly what I was thinking! He wants you OP as an audience to show he's doing the exercises. Or maybe he's scared? The husband of a friend has become very clingy after two serious heart attacks. Could it be that? You'll know him better than we do. Regardless,you shouldn't feel obliged to exercise because he tells you nor should you sit gazing lovingly as he grunts on a chair.

beverly10 Sun 17-Jan-21 16:02:14

'Sounds like he's performing a sex act' .Now there's a thought ?
You can't do better than that for keeping fit. Why not be the first to suggest it? Don't get too carried away though think of the neighbours{grin}

Namsnanny Sun 17-Jan-21 16:09:13

Your in a flat? Cant he walk up and down the stairs?
Instead of on the spot marching in your home.

Greyduster Sun 17-Jan-21 16:18:08

I have some sympathy with you. My DH does daily exercises to help with his COPD. He takes them very seriously. Fair enough! But I can’t see why he can’t restrict himself to one room to do these exercises, but we start off in the conservatory (more room for arm swinging and lungeing!), move on to the dining room (“I need a dining chair for this one!”), the kitchen because the worktop is just the right height, and the bottom two stairs! They involve using hand weights which he casually leaves lying wherever he plonks them down when he’s finished. Why does he always end up in the kitchen when I am working in there? If it weren’t for covid he would go to a facility and do his exercises there along with other grunting, huffing, peripatetic folk! But hey, it’s a small price to pay - he feels better for them! Hang in there, OP!

lemongrove Sun 17-Jan-21 16:20:37

He should have a thick mat for all the stamping.....poor neighbours in other flats.?
He has to do the exercises though, so the best thing is to sit facing away from him with headphones on, listening to music or reading.

Nightsky2 Sun 17-Jan-21 16:29:09

He’s doing what his physio has told him to do after he’s had knee surgery. My husband had to do these exercises a few years ago after damaging his leg when jumping off a boat onto moorings at the end of a sailing holiday. These exercises are vital for your husband if he’s to regain the strength in his leg.

You say your flat is very small so not too much work involved in keeping it clean and tidy . It’s not as if he doesn’t do his share around the flat. Suggest you go and read a good book in the bedroom or listen to some music and be happy that your husband is trying to keep himself fit and healthy. Also, try leaving the flat with a big smile on your face. wink

Patsy70 Sun 17-Jan-21 16:43:45

Why don’t you exercise at the same time? Or, you could clean the bedroom or bathroom ( or both), whilst he is exercising. Failing that, you could go for a walk, taking your mobile with you, so he can phone in case of an emergency. At least he is trying to keep fit and also do the physio for his knee.

DanniRae Sun 17-Jan-21 17:17:59

He makes meals! Crikey he could exercise for as long as he likes if did a few meals for me.

SuzannahM Sun 17-Jan-21 17:25:29

This isn't meant to sound harsh, but to be frank I feel a bit sorry for your DH. I doubt he's enjoying himself very much either, and it's good that he's throwing himself into getting fitter. If he didn't do the exercises you would be complaining because he couldn't do anything.

If he wants you to be close by it may well be that he's a bit scared something will go wrong. The huffing and puffing may be due to being unfit or possibly partly to get through some pain. I would go with giving him a bell in case he needs you to come running and using that time to do some housework or cooking. Get him to ring the bell to prove you can hear it in whatever room you go to.

I do feel sorry for the neighbours though.

annodomini Sun 17-Jan-21 17:41:24

OP, you say "He has a regime of seated exercises that he does every other day, on the off days he's doing knee exercises post knee surgery." This suggests to me that his seated exercises are for something other than his knee. Perhaps he has had an issue with his heart which means he needs to remain seated. You don't show much sympathy for him while, on the other hand, depicting yourself as a domestic martyr in what is admittedly a small flat. I think you're letting off steam to us while you can't bring yourself to shout at him!

M0nica Sun 17-Jan-21 17:43:00

I would just say that you do not want to be in the room when he is exercising you are going to the bedroom and shutting the door. Decision made and thats that. If he moans ignore him.

If you are in a one bedroom flat you will soon know if he has been taken ill while exercising because the noise will stop and you can look round the door and assess the situation.