Birthday flowers

Wasnt this posted other day?-or something very similar? Yes you are ungrateful.

Perfectly written and sums it up completely

Yup, it does sound ungrateful. At least they all remembered your birthday and sent you something - or are you so materialistic that you only value gifts that you perceive to be of value (monetary) and not the fact that you were remembered at all ? Think about WHY you are feeling so ungrateful - it good be all about you and not about them at all ! Let's hope you manage to smile again soon - send the chocolates and flowers to someone who needs them then if you don't ! There's always the option to make someone else 's day - give it a try - we all love surprise 'no reason' gifts don't we. Why not find yourself a face or body cream that you really like (and can easily buy online at the moment) and mention it to your family - saying that you do love it but wouldn't dream of buying it for yourself ! Hints can be helpful you know !

I’m not keen on cut flowers either but they and the chocs would still be gratefully, and graciously, received. As others have said, it’s difficult to buy much else at the moment other than lining the pocket of Jeff Bezos even more than we do already!

I think I would suggest not giving or receiving birthday gifts any longer.
You feel, and I understand why, that your children are just sending either flowers or chocolates in order to have sent something. I presume they know, you don't like cut flowers, so it seems inconsiderate of them to send them.

I would kindly tell them to stop as it does not sound as if either you or they are getting any pleasure out of continuing this tradition.

I must be ungrateful also as my children always ask what I want but my eldest son never buys anything off of the list and what he buys I always give to charity shop , I never ask for much a book a certain scented candle or bubble bath just one item each but he will get things like bath bombs,funny flavoured gin (I like normal Gordon's gin) so I agree with OP not ungrateful we just want our children to put more thought into our gifts as we do for them

I completely understand your feelings
Jeanie

I'd tell them l'm now going on. a diet and l'd appreciate some vouchers. As.
nice as choc and flowers are it is a cop out.

I know exactly what you mean. I try to find individual gifts that will please, one child, reciprocates the other just sends what is easy to do so not always cheap.
It does hurt, then I think well at least they remembered and I am trying to train myself to be the same. Maybe if we put less energy and thought into it would impact on them and they would realise the impression they are giving and we would not be so upset.

HomeAgain123, maybe I'm more vocal than you - but everyone knows that I don't like flowers. I find it so depressing to look at them dying in a vase.

I have allergies, too, so can't have them in the house. They'd have to go on a table outside, to avoid an asthma attack. Perhaps you could develop some wheeziness?

I do like plants, though, so I get garden and houseplants on a regular basis.

People do seem to need to just get you 'something' (anything) though, without thinking much. Despite telling them not to buy me things - I have plants everywhere - it's ridiculous!

It helps them if you collect something. Recently, I've made it known that chocolates or knitting supplies would be welcome.

Describing flowers as a bunch of dead vegetation! Flowers can really cheer people up just now and we all need that sometimes.

I would be happy to receive anything from my son. I am lucky if I get a text message.

Buying flowers online is, IMO more tricky than buying from a shop. I'm sure the online process takes just as much time and effort. I would be happy to receive such gifts. x

I sort of get the flowers bit. All at the same time, not enough vases, time and mess to deal with them. But with three bunches here and a pot of hyacinth bulbs I feel very blessed.
For Christmas I bought my very busy daughter a jug with artificial peonies. She was really pleased because she can shove them in a cupboard, and get them out again.
I guess this thread is much more about feeling sad? And not enjoying flowers a reflection of deeper emotions and values.

I sent my 80 year old aunt flowers yesterday. It’s not her birthday until June but I just wanting her to know I was thinking about her . She rang me to thank me . She said they put a big smile on her face but then caused her to cry because she misses us all so much .
My daughter and my eldest son would not get me flowers for my birthday, but my youngest son would because he’s never got any money and flowers can be an inexpensive gift . I’m not suggesting that the OPs flowers are cheap it’s just that my son gets them from a supermarket!

Well put NellG. I dont think some posters get it as most people like flowers and chocs.

In this scenario think of something you do not like or need that has been bought for you by someone that should know you well.

If the adult children had bought their mother a bottle of vodka when she doesn't drink should she still feel grateful.

Oh gosh, I often send my mother flowers for Mothers' Day and now you have me worried! I really love receiving flowers and I think my mum does too. I often feel at a loss for what to buy her (she has everything she wants already) and just want to get her something that tells her I am thinking of her, but isn't something that will permanently clutter her home. Please don't assume they don't care about you, OP.

Yes, I think a lot of Mums are taken for granted and feel unthought of, it's a very good point I think we often feel invisible and yet generally we are the cog that keeps everyone and everything turning

Well said NellG ??

There's an awful lot of judgment and shaming of the OP on this thread.

When she said she felt unthought of, I don't think she was having a tantrum over getting flowers, I think she was having a sad day where she felt unseen.

Haven't we all had times when we want to be 'Nell' not just Mum, nan etc? ( Not that any of you want to be me, but I think you know what I mean).

I think the OP just wanted to feel that she was important to her children in her own right, as an individual with thoughts, feelings, tastes and interests that are not generic.

I don't believe that the post is about not liking flowers - it's about getting lost in the busy-ness of other peoples lives. It was about hanging on to being 'someone' not just 'anyone'.

If none of you have ever felt 'consumed' by other people's want and needs, always last on the list but first when they want something you may not understand. But a little empathy goes a long way. It doesn't mean you have to agree that flowers are a poor gift. But it might allow you to sense how it feels to be in someone else's shoes that are not as comfortable as your own.

I felt quite sad to read your post. I wasn’t expecting much of my lockdown birthday yesterday, but it was wonderful. It’s not about getting what you want, it’s about appreciating that people take time to remember you. My children are juggling home working and home schooling and I would love to be helping them out. It is quite hard to buy gifts at the moment if you are not online, but I appreciated everything friends and family did for me and would never criticise their choices. We’re you never taught to accept gifts graciously? Surely a phone call or message is just as lovely as a present. I just felt so sad to have to watch my family on screen instead of at a weekend together (my grandson’s magic tricks work better live) and watching friends walk away from the house after leaving cards and presents when I long to invite them in for cake. Roll on next year! Maybe you could do a subtle wish list ‘if you need a birthday idea....’ in good time if it really bothers you

Summerlove you think that sending flowers shows no care for their mum at all! That is unbelievable especially during lockdown. If they didn’t care they wouldn’t have bothered full stop.

We are being told not to go out at the moment so sending a gift would mean a trip to the post office. We are living in difficult times at the moment. I sent a friend a plant for her birthday this week, it took me ages to choose the right one so I feel sure that the flowers you received also had as much time and thought put into chosing them. Certainly not just a click of a button.

I’m speechless at your AC not acknowledging your birthdays. Unheard of in my family! It doesn’t have to be anything expensive but just a thoughtful card and a little something to say they love you. Something wrong somewhere!

For my birthday last year, I received from my son and his family, the most hideous, rainbow-dyed, covered in glitter bunch of roses in the post?! I was a little bit shocked( horrified!!) by them but my DiL told me that my darling little granddaughter had chosen them as they were sold as ‘unicorn roses’!! I loved the thought of them and they did make me smile every time I looked at them in their full splendour! I’m smiling now just remembering them?! I love receiving flowers and I love sending them too, especially on non-occasions just as a surprise. Anything that my family give me is appreciated but when my children ask what I’d like for birthdays and Christmas I always ask for a photo of the grandchildren in a frame - not too difficult or expensive for them and there’s always room on my ‘rogues gallery’ to hang them up. Like others have said, please don’t show your ingratitude to your family for their gifts, just hint as to what you’d prefer instead.