Gransnet forums


Birthday flowers

(231 Posts)
HomeAgain123 Wed 03-Feb-21 15:03:06

This May come across as ungrateful but I’m not just a bit ‘unthought of ‘ it’s been my birthday recently and I received 3 bouquets of flowers and a box of chocolates beautiful as they are from my AC I’m think really am I just a click of a button to them and feel no thought has gone into me . I try very hard to buy them gifts fir there interests and hobbies always well received. I can’t blame lockdown as it’s happened before ..... my daughter knows I dislike cut flowers .... im just thinking i won’t bother in future flowers for sons and daughters ...

BigBertha1 Wed 03-Feb-21 15:10:16

What a shame I've always think flowers are a lovely gift and often quite expensive. You could re-gift the chocolates or save them for a raffle. I dont think they haven't thought of you at all. Life is so difficult at the moment on any number of levels try to see the gifts as a positive thing. Sounds like your having a bad day - me too chopping heads of all round. sad

cornishpatsy Wed 03-Feb-21 15:10:34

I know what you mean, it's the thought that counts.

I would rather have a card that depicts something I have an interest in or a bar of chocolate I particularly like than an expensive gift with no relevance to me.

keepingquiet Wed 03-Feb-21 15:17:05

Wow. Remind me never to send you anything for your birthday lol. Christmas and birthdays I always buy myself a present and so always get what I want lol!

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 15:19:58

Have you told them how you feel, or are you unable to?

J52 Wed 03-Feb-21 15:25:31

It is difficult at the moment to buy gifts. I prefer to buy things in advance when I happen to see something that would suit the person. Also, if you can see the item in RL you can feel the quality and compare with other items that similar.
I’m afraid flowers, chocolates and wine will be gifts I’m sending, until we can shop again.
If the recipients don’t want them they can give them back to me.

25Avalon Wed 03-Feb-21 15:28:29

Think how you would feel if they had sent you nothing! During lockdown it is difficult to get out to buy anything and whatever you get has to be sent on. Flowers are one item you can arrange to have delivered direct.

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 15:30:52

I think there's a difference between people you know, and family.
I suppose every family is different.

It's not the cost, because my real favourite thing is a nice pair of slippers, so I really appreciate that as a present.

NellG Wed 03-Feb-21 15:35:52

I get it, and I will probably sound ungrateful too. People send me flowers, including family and all of them know that I suffer with hay fever to a debilitating level. So, beautiful as they are, all gifts of flowers either get passed on or end up outside as I can't cope with them in the house. I worry more that people have wasted their money, though I do realise I can be hard to buy for. I've never had the heart to tell friends - or to tell them that I rarely drink alcohol, or eat chocolate because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But you'd think family would grasp it.

Half the problem with sending/giving really good gifts to others is that sometimes they feel they can't compete and will get it wrong. I think people often feel that they can't go wrong with food and flowers.

Hithere Wed 03-Feb-21 15:36:05

The flowers and chocolates mean they are thinking of you on your bday - isnt the thought that really counts?

Mapleleaf Wed 03-Feb-21 15:42:13

I think flowers and chocs are a lovely gift, I’d be thrilled to receive them. Many people get nothing whatsoever from their children if some posts on GN are anything to go by.

Are you allergic to flowers or do you just dislike them?

Maybe you have lots of things already and they are unsure what to buy you? Perhaps you need to drop some hints about what you would like/need as the special occasions draw near.

I really doubt it’s a case of you only being at the end of a “click of the button” and you are not thought about. If you were not thought about, you wouldn’t get anything, I think. Flowers are not cheap to send, either, but if there are other things you would prefer, you need to say what sort of things - people can’t read your mind.

Esspee Wed 03-Feb-21 15:50:34

I agree with you OP. Thoughtless, and such a waste of money.

Hithere Wed 03-Feb-21 15:54:04


A curious question: would you prefer you dont get anything on your bday, instead of flowers and chocolates?
Whar would be your ideal outcome?

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 15:54:15

I'm really not bothered about birthdays or christmas at all, including buying or getting presents, I suppose.
So from my curmudgeonly point of view, I think "For goodness sake, why waste your money?" when I get something I'm not fussed to have.

Jaxjacky Wed 03-Feb-21 15:55:39

As Mapleleaf says, you need to tell them, has this always been the case on your Birthday? There’s not been the opportunity to see each other in the last year to drop subtle hints, or for them to pick up on your preferences.

Davida1968 Wed 03-Feb-21 16:08:41

Oh dear, I've just ordered flowers - and good quality chocolates - to be sent to an elderly relative for her birthday. (She lives 150 miles away, in a care home.) Does this indicate that I'm lacking in thoughtfulness? Personally, I'm always thrilled to receive flowers. (And really good chocolates!)

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 16:11:56

Is that what you do for your sons and daughters, too?

EllanVannin Wed 03-Feb-21 16:12:39

Ungrateful springs to mind.

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 16:17:34

Yes, I've been called that and worse by my family over not wanting anything for my birthday rather than them waste their time and money.

annodomini Wed 03-Feb-21 16:36:13

Flowers and chocolates are perfect for me. As they are perishable, they won't clutter up my already cluttered house or end up at the back of a drawer never to be seen again. Much as I love earrings, I really do have more than enough. My DSs are also very generous with gift vouchers so that I can choose what I really want.

MissAdventure Wed 03-Feb-21 16:44:20

I tend to ask for things like lampshades and shelves, then that annoys some people.

Kim19 Wed 03-Feb-21 16:46:22

I love sending my adult children very personal gifts but find it so difficult now. I don't know their record collections or the books they have read or the size for clothing etc. I do try the back door by asking their partners for suggestions but this isn't often helpful. I do have the odd success but it is a real hit or a miss affair. Usually resort to a jokey book enclosing a cheque.k

keepingquiet Wed 03-Feb-21 16:49:22

I once worked with someone who loved to get a container of Ajax for Christmas and birthdays- each to their own.
Just a suggestion but people often set up a 'Just Giving' page in lieu of presents, especially for birthdays, at the moment. Why not try that? It's a win win for everyone.

DillytheGardener Wed 03-Feb-21 17:16:38

I can understand op’s frustration. I’m not the best gift giver, but my mother used to get particularly frustrated with her mother in law’s gift giving. My DM would buy Liberty print bathrobes and gorgeous little purses and such like, (which DM’s MIL loved) and MIL would give my DM a card and some corner store chocolates or forget all together. It seems perhaps OP is upset as gift giving is from listening and observing, noticing and remembering the things people like and might want....

PamelaJ1 Wed 03-Feb-21 17:27:41

For some reason my DM hates getting flowers??‍♀️
One of my sister’s doesn’t seem to have got the message and none of us likes to tell her because it would upset her, All those years when she thought her gift was welcome.
It is unfortunate that all your children sent you a similar gift.
Perhaps you could says that although you loved the gift perhaps in future they could get together and stagger the deliveries?
Your house must have resembled a flower shop.?