I'm so worried.

Speaking from experience I would not go back. His drinking is not her fault.
Living with an alcoholic is not fun. However I do feel sorry for him. Alcoholism is a terrible illness.

Lululemon, my ex had a drink problem when I married him. As newly weds, I had a lot of influence over him and it calmed down a bit, but after the first flush died down, he returned to his old ways.

We had a baby then and I left him for the first time when she was 6 months old. I walked out, no clothes, money and baby in the pram. I left again, when she was 2. For longer this time. I finally left when she was 11. He had deteriorated so much, I had to sleep in my daughters bedroom.

Your daughter can avoid all of that. No children. Not living with him now. It IS very tragic what is happening to him, but why wreck 2 lives?

Run for the hills and don't look back. I married a lovely man, did not know he was an alcoholic. Did not know functioning alcoholics existed. My mum died when I was 3 so I was determined that my kids would have 2 parents.
It was soul destroying, I finally realised that I was enabling him by keeping a roof over our heads and dealing with all the finances while he sold all my jewelry and anything else he could get his hands on, and the lies they never stop. Alcohol is the first middle and last of everyday and all the promises mean nothing.
Finally chucked him out after 12 years such a relief.

"....should SHE consider....." Sorry

Your DD cannot take on the responsibility of curing her fiance's alcoholism or propping him up, as he is basically asking her to do. He needs to take responsibility himself for seeking treatment for this and then, and only then, should he consider going back to him.

But, to be honest, she does need to give serious thought to whether hitching herself to someone with such a difficult (and possibly relapsing) problem is right for her happiness and that of any children they might have.

I am so sorry that you are faced with this worry - we all so want our children to be happy. There is little you can do except be there for her, or maybe research the topic of alcoholism and point her in the direction of sources of support for her.

Of course he's going to promise her he's changed, it'll be fine because he wants her back. However what has he done to break his addiction? You can only be there for your daughter if she goes back to him. Don't bad mouth him as that might make her defend him. I have known someone who stayed with an alcoholic. Her and their children had a hellish life.

Lululemon, I so didn't want to make you cry! But I do have kindness in pretty unlimited quantities, so if you ever need an 'ear' you know where to come. If I can offer something useful I always will. Take care x

Thank you so much NellG. Your kindness had made me cry. x

Just be glad she found out before the wedding the fact she deemed it necessary to have a break she tell her all she needs to know let’s hope she takes the sensible course and never goes back. Be there to support her choice,

'You' go back after they've got the help and proved they are ahead of their addiction - if you go back at all.

Your daughter might benefit from reading a bit about Codependency and could tap into Al Anon online. It should help her to realise she's not responsible in any way for his behaviour and addiction and help her to see how despite that, people can often enable it.

As for you personally Lululemon, brace yourself lovely - it's not pleasant watching your kids make mistakes and get hurt. Maybe you might find the above information/resources helpful too? My very best wishes with it all. x

No don’t go back, if & it’s a big if he gets help & manages to stop perhaps it would be a possibility then, but that is along way off.
Please tell her in no way is she to blame & it is not her responsibility .

Good advice from nanna8 you can’t help in her decision and most of it depends on whether he is prepared to do something about his problem, if not then there’s no point to her even considering going back however if he’s saying I want to stop this and I m prepared to get professional help then there a chance but either way she has to sort it out for herself and all you can do is be there for her and support IF she wants support

Thank you nanna8.

I hope for goodness sake she does not marry him. There’s nothing you can do really, she is an adult and has to make her own way. Sometimes with some people suggesting what they might do can lead to them doing the opposite so I would be wary with advice, just let her know you are there for her whatever happens.