AIBU to worry about my DDs weight?

You are worrying about your daughter's weight.
She sounds happy with her family life as you say. I hear lots of people have put on weight during lockdown, as maybe some of her friends have too. Just getting through this thing is bad enough without added pressure.
You say you don't want her to end up like you, as if it is too late for you to do anything. I am sure she worries just as much about you.
What can you do? I suggest you begin by making some changes in your own life and show her an alternative to the one you seem to be presenting her with.
I don't want to sound harsh but making the effort for yourself might make her see health problems for her aren't inevitable.

Be supportive. Perhaps the two of you could have a weight loss competition.

She will know she is overweight and does not need telling. When she is ready she will deal with it and in the meantime why not focus on your own weight and this may give her the impetus to do something about hers.
I speak as one whose mum always ‘mentioned’ that I might need to lose a bit of weight. It didn’t help. Say nothing but show by example.

She will hopefully try to lose weight when she’s ready, she obviously knows she’s put more weight on, I wouldn’t mention anything to her about her weight, I would concentrate on trying to lose weight myself if it was affecting my health, you never know if she sees you are losing weight that could be the push she needs,

This is a difficult issue, but I think that if your nearest and dearest can’t bring up sensitive topics, then who can?

I’m thinking of a friend who had gained weight over the years. Only when the doctor told her she was pre-diabetic did she really acknowledge it, and prompted her to lose weight.

She asked her husband why he didn’t tell her she was getting fat. He said “I didn’t want to upset you”.

I agree with TrendyNannie if you lose some weight without making a big fuss about it that may well inspire your daughter to do the same BGB31. When you are able to meet up again try getting put for more exercise etc. So many of us have put on weight during this pandemic, she is not alone by any means.

She asked her husband why he didn’t tell her she was getting fat. He said “I didn’t want to upset you”.
Don’t you think he might have been right though Calendargirl? People do get upset when their nearest & dearest imply criticism, even when it’s presented as concern for their well-being.

I agree with others who’ve suggested that the only way to help is leading by example.

I know what you mean janea, and yes, we are often upset at criticism from our nearest and dearest.

What if your partner has B.O., halitosis, going deaf, do we wait for others to point it out to avoid upsetting them though?

I agree that she doesn't need telling. People know if they're overweight. Our daughter was very overweight a few years ago. Her dad said to me 'Why don't you tell her?' I said 'You tell her. Do you think she doesn't know?'.
We didn't mention it and after a while she went on to lose nearly 5 stone and has kept it off.

I would never dream of mentioning to anyone about weight issues.
I have put on weight during lockdown and i don`t need telling.
A lot of my friends and family have too,we know it,they know it and we laugh about it and plan to do something about it when we become free again.
Happiness is the most important thing at this moment in time.

I watch a TV program called "My 600 lb life." Its enough to make me weigh myself twice a week in order to stay at my current weight which is a bit too much, to be honest. I'm
5ft 4 and weigh close to 12 stone.

Oh no Calendargirl I think BO and halitosis are in a different league from being overweight! And I would definitely want to be told. On the other hand, I resent it if people comment on my weight.

Why are BO and halitosis different? Well they are both are very unpleasant for anyone who's in fairly close contact with the sufferer, so it impacts on other people in a way that obesity doesn't.

Also they have a purely physical cause which can usually be fairly easily remedied.

Being overweight or obese is much more complicated than that. There's an emotional dimension which makes it far more difficult for many people to face up to, even when they know the health implications of being overweight.

Thanks everyone. I was having an intense moment of anxiety when I wrote that post last night.

I absolutely agree that I shouldn't say anything - of course she knows - and I am sure is miserable and anxious about it herself.

And yes setting an example would be the best way forward - but I am full of excuses about why I can't do that I wonder where she gets it from!

keepingquiet

You are worrying about your daughter's weight.
She sounds happy with her family life as you say. I hear lots of people have put on weight during lockdown, as maybe some of her friends have too. Just getting through this thing is bad enough without added pressure.
You say you don't want her to end up like you, as if it is too late for you to do anything. I am sure she worries just as much about you.
What can you do? I suggest you begin by making some changes in your own life and show her an alternative to the one you seem to be presenting her with.
I don't want to sound harsh but making the effort for yourself might make her see health problems for her aren't inevitable.

This is great advice. I was also an anxious but overweight DM and worried so much about my DDs weight. She has a very happy home life with 4 children and a DH who loves them all very much. 2 years ago I started a healthy diet with lots of walking and Pilate exercises and lost over 2 stone of weight. My DD was so impressed that she also copied my regime and has come down from 18 STONE TO 12 STONE. She looks AMAZING......but this wouldn't have happened if I'd just told her i was worried about her. Be pro-active and show her what she can achieve......

If you have had weight issues that have caused you to have health problems, I can only suggest that you lose weight yourself - you can't preach if you carry on the same way yourself.
You will find that there will probably be a lot of help and support at your GP surgery.
If your daughter sees that you have lost weight, she might do the same .
Other idea is that you say that you need to lose weight and can she help you ?

There are worse things than being overweight. If you push her she'll be hurt. She's not stupid. She'll see her weight every time she looks in a mirror. She probably already dislikes what she sees but then maybe she doesn't. It's up to her. If she's happy atm why put the pressure on her. If she decides it's time to lose weight then be supportive but don't become the food Gestapo like someone I know who tells me I'll regain the weight I've lost if I so much as put a chocolate button in my mouth

After the restricted year we have had she will not be alone in having got bigger (and for many of us out of condition too). But if we keep on track, soon more outings will be easier. Apart from the advice people have given about helping your own health, is it practical for you and she to have some activities together - doesn't have to be 'healthy' - anything you enjoy and keeps you busy. Of course, NOT involving food.

Of course she knows she’s overweight and also knows it’s not healthy - this pandemic has emphasised this fact. I agree with all those who advise that you start with yourself. It’s never too late to improve your health. I’m 68 and have lost a stone during lockdown and have another stone to go. I feel much better for it and lots of little aches and pains have gone, together with chronic indigestion. If your daughter sees how much fitter and active you are she might quietly follow suit, but don’t ever bring up the subject yourself - let her broach it when she is ready!!!!

I know someone who showed me her wedding photos and said she knows she has "put on a little weight". Like me, she was 7 1/2 stone when she got married. I'm now just over 8 stone. She is obese. Sometimes people are blind to the weight they are carrying and won't acknowledge it. Like the other posters, I suggest going on a lockdown diet yourself. But tell her you need support to do it and ask her if she would be willing to be your diet buddy. You can be your own little Weight Watchers group of two.

Stop making those excuses to yourself and DO something about it. You’re never too old. Your GP or local nurse will be only too happy to help you lose that weight. There is a very good NHS app to help and you may even get a prescription for exercise ( membership to a local gym possibly who also will be only too glad to help). Whatever your health or age its never too late and it is possible. Don’t do it for anyone else, do it for yourself and once you start you ‘ll be amazed how encouraged you’ll be when you see the results!! Then your daughter may join in , who knows? Go for it!!!!!

" She's far from stupid "
I have to say , that is a very harsh thing to say . It tells me that you see overweight people as exactly that.
The kindest thing you can do is mention to your daughter you have decided to get fitter and go on a health for life plan yourself. Do it , and hope she sees your transformation and wants the same for herself.

Thanks for deciding to say nothing.

Losing weight is hard. Being told you need to lose weight isn't helpful. As others have said, lead by example. Don't boast, wait for her to comment and then explain how you have done it and why. Buy the Michael Mosley Fast 800 diet. It's drastic and hard for the first few weeks but the results are amazing and that will give you the incentive to keep going.

My DD has put on weight during this past year. Partly due to boredom verging on depression and partly due to having 2 small DC which is not conducive to outdoor exercise. A play with them at the swing park is about as much as she can manage and that involves a 25mile car journey.
Her DH has an outdoor job, walks for miles every day and consequently gets very hungry and they have high carb meals.
It will be much easier when the DC are both at school and the warmer weather comes.
Let's hope your DD can get into a healthy regime too and I think that showing her an example would be excellent.
says she tucking into a biscuit.

I remember from my WW days: slow and steady weight loss is the way to go. If you lose 1lb a week that's 52 lbs in a year!
almost 4 stone (old money)