Updating will

Surely this isn’t for real?

Being a mother is not a financial contract . End of.

I find your attitude totally bizarre. Teenagers being belligerent who would have thought ? !!
At 18 no more support , get out, what is that about ?
All very strange if true.

Giving the benefit of the doubt - your daughters had an awful childhood and quite honestly they deserve every penny you can leave them. Your nieces are kind to you as they did not experience a deeply troubled upbringing. You can't turn the clock back but you can attempt to make amends.

I wonder if you've considered the possibility that your D's wouldn't want to be left anything in your will Chookcook. Maybe if you look at this in terms of what is the right thing for your D's, you'll conclude that leaving them nothing is the right thing to do.

I certainly wouldn't welcome such an inheritance.

"I'll tell my nieces that they are getting my property when I die. They will appreciate it and stick around". This for me demonstrates that you are driven by money, see nothing wrong in that and feel that your nieces are the same.

Won't they "stick around" anyway regardless of whether or not they know you're leaving them your house when you die?

Of course they weren’t angels. You were an awful mother and they had to deal with an abusive father. They were a product of their environment.

You’re getting to enjoy the result of actual parenting when you failed as one yourself.

I can’t believe this is real anymore. You failed as a mother. You were not a good one and they deserved better.

I have a very big and close family not one of them has anything to do with my dd's yet we always meet and have family gatherings. That tells you what my dd's are like if so many people have nothing to do with them

I think some of you haven't understood. I don't want a relationship with my dd's now they have been gone over 20 years and if I had them back now it would disrupt what I have with my brother's girls and grandchildren and that is so precious to me.

My dd's were not Angels when they were younger, I was always called into school for their bad behaviour and they used to spend most of their time in their room because they refused to tidy it properly. If they were in the lounge they would sit In front of the TV so nobody else could see. My friends children were not like this. When they were 18 and it was time for them to move out they dragged their heels. One said she would pay rent but as she signed on, she never had enough to give me and the second was so cold and callous towards me. She wasn't thankful when I moved her stuff into a flat for her and didn't understand that at 18 the money for their upkeep stops so I couldn't keep her, it was like having a lodger in my home for free. I couldn't do it.

They were not loving and kind daughter's and all my friends knew that at times they could be right prats but still I did everything for them and stayed in a loveless marriage just for them to abandon me.
The more I go back over this the more I know they don't deserve a mother like me and they didn't deserve what I did for them. I don't think it's unreasonable to write them out. There isn't much anyway.

I'll tell my nieces that they are getting my property when I die. They will appreciate it and stick around.

Seriously? You stayed in an abusive relationship with a man who abused hard drugs, and alcohol, and treated you poorly?! And, you say you protected your daughters from the abuse, many break-ups, divorce, and re-marriage ... and you did it all for them? The fact that your daughters finally left because of his heavy drinking, and aggressive behaviour, shows that you didn't protect them from it at all, did you?

The best thing you could've done for your daughters, all those years ago, would've been to leave him, and protect your daughters the way that any good mother would! They have probably been scarred for life by what they have seen and heard. Frankly, I'm not in the least bit surprised that they have distanced themselves from you. I think they deserve to be left in your will ... not because money will ever repay the damage you have done to them, but you did after all say that you'd done it all for them! What a terrible thing, to write your daughters out of your will now, just because you can't have it the way that you want it. You probably put those girls through hell when they were growing up, and it certainly doesn't sound like you ever made them your priority, so you can't expect them to forgive and forget, and take you back into the fold.

"He was a very troubled man and very violent towards me, not the best dad to our two daughters and abused hard drugs and alcohol. I made sure my dd's did not notice this and I protected them throughout our many breakups, marriage, divorce and marriage again."

This is the beginning of the end.

For sure your daughters knew very well what was going on.

That protection was a delusion on OP's part

I need to hide this thread.....

This could be the plot of a Disney animated film or a Catherine Cookson mini-series. Have you ever thought of selling your story?

Thank you @crazyH. Everything I did was for my dd's.

When they were young I had holes in my shoes and no winter coat. I never went for a night out for years and went without food so they could eat.

When my husband was being horrible to me with them present, I carried on like normal so they didn't notice I went cap in hand to my siblings to ask for money so they had good Christmas presents. Some siblings used to say they wouldn't give money if DH was still in my life so I hid him and risked my relationship with my family just so my dd's could have what they wanted.

I did this for them and everyone of my friends and family knows what I did for my dd's and they feel for me that despite this I lost them.

My nieces children love me and love coming to my house. They scream and cry when it's time to go home to their parents, they didn't even do that with their real grandparents. Everybody says how lovely it is and how my dd's have made their children miss out on family by having no contact with anybody.
It is sad but I can't live in the past. I did all I can selflessly for them, now it's my turn to be happy and those that make me happy should be rewarded not those who I've not seen in 20 years.

The one thing that absolutely floored me was the fact that you stayed with your DH , because you knew he was in line for a large inheritance and when he popped his clogs, you would get it all. The only redeeming factor is that you thought it would help your daughters. Anyway, it didn’t. .....you blew the lot!,,,
I wish you the best. As for writing them out of your will, that’s up to you. ....I am glad that you and your nieces have formed a great bond. I am really pleased for you. Ofcourse, you must leave your nieces something, but not everything. Good luck !!

Full marks for honesty Chookcook.

TBH if this is a true story then you should leave everything you have to your children and Grandchildren.

Oopsadaisy1 I have all the family I need my dd's and GC have gone I accept that. I have made up for it with my brother's family since he's died and want to leave the property to them instead.

@flexiblefriend I had to live on something I couldn't claim benefits at that point as I had too much in savings and when I bought my property it needed work doing to make it livable and inturn this upped the value of it for when I am gone

You’ve done quite well for yourself then, stayed married to get the money, now spent most of it and wondering if you can get your family back in your old age.

You couldn’t make it up could you?

It seems to have been a very flawed plan then because if you stayed with your Husband to get your hands on his money for your Daughters as you claim, why the hell did you spend it?

This is not a tale of woe I'm finally very happy and moving on which made me think I should include changing my will, there isn't that much left out of what was left to my husband I live in a small bungalow with no more savings and a minimum wage job and there wouldn't be enough to recognise my dd's and my nieces and their DC. My gd has forgotten me so I want to recognise those who are important now not past reasons

I don’t often comment on these threads but have to say, I’m with smiless on this.

Shock, horror, your daughters are not interested, are you surprised. You put the possibility of money before their happiness. Which is crap actually because you'd already been in and out of this hideous relationship for years before the will was changed. Kids are not blind and you're deluding yourself if you think they didn't know what was going on. Assuming of course there is any truth in this tale of woe.

Well it's very rare that I am lost for words, but I am.

It is also very rare for Bibbity and me to agree, but I agree with you Bibbity 100%.

No. You stayed because you wanted money.
It was disgusting. Full stop.

What an absolute failure of a mother to even try to defend that.

Again do whatever you want. At least they are free of you.

@bibity I stayed with him because we always had no money when the dd's were growing up I thought the money from his mother's will could give them a leg up in the future. It cost me a lot to live like this but I still did it for my dd's however they're not interested.

What he said is awful if not taken into context. DH did not abuse dd in this way but believed her rejection of him would have only been necessary had he of done so. My friend also agreed he was not putting it as best he should but understands what he meant.