Updating will

All you wanted when your daughters left school was a share of their incomes. Did it ever occur to you to have a job yourself?

It would seem you stayed with him for the money. He seemed like a vile controlling man and the comment he made to your daughter was evil and nasty.Are you really surprised that your children don't want anything to do with you. Most of us here are not.

Chookchook, I don't often comment on threads but this is unbelievable. For a start, this could be a fake story it's so extreme. If it is true, I'm sorry but you sound like an awful person, a terrible mother with no empathy, kindness or understanding. Your daughters have been scarred by your lack of protection. I'm sure they don't want you anywhere near their children. So zero sympathy with you.

You should leave your money to exactly who you would like to benefit, you are not morally obliged to leave it to family members who you don’t see and who don’t bother with you. Your daughters don’t bother with you and didn’t support you when you needed it, if that was me then I wouldn’t leave them anything at all but would put a letter with your will explaining that you have given beneficiaries great thought and your decision to omit certain family members is final, you can state why, this will help should they raise a dispute in the future when you pass. Believe me, they all come out of the woodwork when they think they might benefit!!!

Strewth, I’ve just read this thread again. What a strange woman! Is she real? One of my sons, who is in his 30s, moved back home for 18 months. I didn’t charge him rent as he had little money, he cooked and cleaned and was good company. Money was not on our minds at all. When he had any he would pay for some of the groceries. I don’t think that woman was real at all, who stays in a rotten marriage for their children’s sake? No one I know.

If this is for real it is incredibly sad you feel you acted in their best interests . You did not , your children needed a parent who prioritised their safety and emotional wellbeing , not a potential inheritance. No amount of money could make up for the abuse they witnessed and suffered .

Your daughter wanted for nothing are you deranged? They may have been fed and clothed but they certainly wanted a decent and loving mum and dad and they had neither. You're surprised they were not well behaved, I'm not kids act up when they want and need attention but you couldn't see it. Once they were 18 you wanted money off them to replace the benefits, I would have left so fast you wouldn't have seen me for dust. My sons carried on living at home well into their 20's because it was a good and happy place to be. Yours were only welcome if they could pay and job seekers wasn't enough for you. Leave the money to your daughters they've earnt every penny.

Hmm, this is the second post this week from a mother giving details of a very strange home life and who fails to see that they have contributed to their children's unhappiness - I'm finding hard to believe either story.

I think it probably is a true story, when you are a victim of abuse yourself it’s easy to become abusive and intolerant, you get very hard. As for the money I’d leave it to my daughters it’s up to them what they do, bequests to others can be made as well. As you get older there may be friends or relatives who look after you, it would be nice to leave them something.

You posted on AIBU therefore people have commented appropriately. This was not the right page for sympathy and based on what you have written and your flouncing away, you won't get much elsewhere. You asked for advice and because it wasn't what you wanted to hear, everyone is in a gang and against you? I paraphrase of course.

I'm not going to opine about your past or reasons for living the way you did. Some comments on here are judgemental & verge on being very unkind given it's impossible to know the whole story via a text forum. Sounds like you did what, at the time, seemed best albeit not what a lot of us would have done. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
At this time and in your shoes I'd make the will in favour of your nieces. IF life changes again in the future, you can always redo your will. Let's face it, if you have property, whatever it sells for, can easily be spilt between nieces & grandkids. It means the inheritance for each individual will be smaller but at least you've acknowledged them all.
It's great that you're feeling stronger and are happier. It's never too early to tidy up your life & making a will is a good start.

Chook I wont comment on your post, enough has been said. You did ask for advice and you got it. Hope some if it helped.

However re your Will, why not consider dividing it between your daughters and neices. Equal shares or however you wish. Its obviously your decision. I would not tell them about this because its not fair to put that sort of expectation or pressure on them.

No, Chook, you are so far from right it is truly sad.

Bye. Enjoy your money gained at the expense of your children. Would suggest you don't try posting your pathetic story on MN, they will be even less sympathetic than those of us here. May even come across your daughters on there.

I’d have said a lot worse to you if I were her. Again. Your were an appalling mother. You failed. You basically got fired from the role.
No matter what some deranged idiots told you they were wrong.

Your daughters were the victims. They suffered because of you. They are no free of you and your abuse and I hope they have kind the ability to heal from having to be exposed to you.

I'm gone

Oh thank goodness for that.

Because I am right but now I don't care what you think you're nobody who knows me. I'll communicate no more

Why are you trying to convince us?

My dd's were fed clothed and had a roof over their heads I made sure they wanted for nothing.
I may have suffered but I did it quietly everyone always said that I was a good mum and always told my dd's to behave for ME nobody said I was wrong.
A family friend was disgusted by my dd as he only said to her that she had a good mum and should look after me properly and not be naughty at school for me and she told him to f off and mind his own business. She was 13 this is what I mean it was all take take take
I'm not in that situation anymore I am so happy and regardless of what you want to say I am deserving of every minute of it
It clear you are all like a gang on here what you do is bully or label fake because you're oh so perfect. When you're a victim of domestic abuse you make mistakes and your children blame you despite your efforts.
Perhaps from the privilege of your middle class double fronted houses and nice cars you haven't seen real life. Stay perfect won't you all.

I'm gone.

Smileless at 1040

I fully agree with you!

Good grief. I don't know where to start. What about with They will appreciate it and stick around or

I wanted £50 per week but dd1 went on the dole and at the time only got £75 every two weeks. It wasn't enough for me or

When dd2 reached that age she worked and got about £100 a week so I got the £50 I wanted but at 18 they can go on the council list so I got her on there because she was old enough to move out, when she was at work I moved all her stuff into the flat and she lived there until she got herself evicted and into debt and I had to take her back in

You are all heart aren't you? If this story is true, you have not been a good Mother, you lived with a violent, drug taking drinker, your daughters suffered from this despite your delusional rewrite of family history, and now you are using money as a means of tying family to you. Frankly, you should leave your money, whatever is left of it after you have spent it, to a charity which deals with people who have suffered as your daughters did. At least that way some good will come out of your tainted money.

You abused them.

The people who think it would any real you don't know me. People irl know what I mean perhaps I should have just asked them.

@hazel93 when your children left education back then all your benefits stopped. They had to get a job or sign on and contribute equally to the household bills and rent as it wasn't subsidised any more. They were 18 and old enough to move out anyway.
I wanted £50 per week but dd1 went on the dole and at the time only got £75 every two weeks. It wasn't enough for me.

When dd2 reached that age she worked and got about £100 a week so I got the £50 I wanted but at 18 they can go on the council list so I got her on there because she was old enough to move out.
When she was at work I moved all her stuff into the flat and she lived there until she got herself evicted and in debt and I had to take her back in.
I've been a good mum to my dd's if I wasn't people I know wouldn't feel sorry for me, they'd feel sorry for my dd's instead.

Each post gets worse. Just don't think I believe any of this. She says she would have done anything for her daughters but chucks them out at 18!