AIBU - Friend borrowing car

why not ask to see her insurance docs.
if she is not covered to drive your car, then you as the keeper, as well as her as the driver, would be committing offences.
there is also civil liability.
your husband sounds very laissez-faire.
and you sound rather passive.
you don't have to be confrontational.
just set the tone for how you will be dealt with.
generally people take you at your own estimation.
if you act like a walk-over, that is what will happen.
why do you need the company of an opinionated, bossy person who makes you eat cakes you don't want ?

If you’ve no need of it at present- and don’t want to sell- stop paying road tax
Problem solved.

MerylStreep

MayBee70
Don’t twist my explanation. Nowhere have I said that it’s
ok for everyone to car share
I could explain further but that would only fuel you to twist my explanation further.

I don’t see what relevance it has regarding the OP’s problem. Or why you had to come down heavy on Maremia for just pointing out something that the OP could use as a valid reason for not loaning out the car. I assume you are in a bubble with your neighbour whereas the OP isn’t in a bubble with the woman who borrows her car. Government guidelines are to not car share with someone unless it’s necessary which both Maremia and I felt needed pointing out.

Hithere

OP

Do you like this person as a friend?

Yes. She can be quite opinionated and forceful though (bossy if you want!).

She doesn't suffer fools gladly, which is ironic given the situation.

We have helped them out quite a bit in the past e.g. dog sitting, giving them stuff.

She likes baking so we gets quite a few cakes - which we don't really want as we are supposed to be trying to lose weight!

Our husbands get on well and socialise together.

MayBee70
Don’t twist my explanation. Nowhere have I said that it’s
ok for everyone to car share
I could explain further but that would only fuel you to twist my explanation further.

You can take your neighbour to the doctor as it sounds like a caring duty. Also fix her remote but stay 2m apart and both wear masks. In a car windows open, wear masks and if possible sit her in the back.
Regarding the car and insurance have already said this - what if she killed someone?

OP

Do you like this person as a friend?

MerylStreep

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

Maremia
I would appreciate any ideas you have on how I get my neighbour to the Doctors.
Also, any ideas on how I can ‘remotely’ sort out her tv remote control that she has messed up. That’s a big ask without going into her house. And the ‘ problems’ go on and on.

So it’s ok for everybody to car share even though it’s a known cause of infection?

Just to be clear OP insurance is not just about the value of your car but the value of the car and more importantly the life of the person a driver of your car may crash into. I’m shocked that people don’t think about this and they can get to our age without understanding a basic aspect of motoring law and their responsibilities towards others.

Fantastic, that's great your H said it to both of them, I am sure a new learner driver will be delighted to buy it.

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

Maremia
I would appreciate any ideas you have on how I get my neighbour to the Doctors.
Also, any ideas on how I can ‘remotely’ sort out her tv remote control that she has messed up. That’s a big ask without going into her house. And the ‘ problems’ go on and on.

Update

Last Friday I came home and the friend (lets call her X) had borrowed the car again. She had asked my H not me.

When she brought it back the day after she had put petrol in it.

I spoke to my H about the insurance situation and he says he thinks she is OK to drive it as a third party. I could not convince him otherwise.

I said 'What if she has an accident'. He said, 'Well the car has little value so I'm not bothered'. Not a good answer.

I said she was being cheeky and he said 'Well maybe we should sell the car' - though when this is likely to happen, goodness knows.

We saw X and her H over the weekend at a BBQ. X seems to think that her BBQ invites are fair exchange for borrowing the car. She more or less said this directly. We also had them over for a BBQ this weekend, so that cancels that theory out, in my opinion.

H mentioned, whilst she was there with her H, that we were going to sell the car. She made no offer to buy it. I think this is because she knows there is an electrical fault that could cost money to fix.

As I said previously, I am very non-confrontational, and wouldn't want to lose X's friendship as, apart from the car thing, we get on quite well.

Hopefully, the car will be going up for sale soon.

Thanks for all of the advice, I really appreciate it and all the time you have all taken to respond.

123kitty

In this situation my DH would also have loaned out the car and I can imagine him saying 'any time you need it' to a neighbour, so it's his fault not hers if she takes him at his word. I think you need to sort this out with your DH.

This is exactly what my husband is like.

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

My neighbour, who is far more relaxed about covid than I am told me that friend of his is on SAGE and told him that car sharing is a major cause of infection. And a friend of mine, again someone that doesn’t worry as much as I do had a holiday with a friend. They both had to travel from Devon to the Lake District but agreed to travel in separate cars.

Can't believe we are on page 8!

You don't have to sell the car.
You don't have to sorn the car.
Just say NO!

And tell your husband he is in deep trouble if he says otherwise.

This woman AND her husband are using you... as well as your car.

Best answer, spare cars, spare houses, where does it stop in this day and environmentally damaging age, please sell the car.

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

I’ve had to car share I don’t know how many times in the past year. Otherwise my ‘elderly’ neighbour wouldn’t have seen her doctor or had her vaccines.
Life goes on.

If she's using it regularly it may run out of fuel before too long. I hope the OP's DH isn't keeping it topped up for her!

Also no mention has been made of what the intermittent fault is. If the car breaks down en route, who pays to get it home?

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

Also, I might add, if this is your son's car, do you or your DH have his permission to let other people use it?

Surely, if your friend no longer has a car of her own, she would only be insured as a named driver on her husbands car. Therefore, she is not insured in her own right and certainly not insured to drive your car.
Whoever is the named owner of the car could be in an awful lot of trouble if it is involved in an accident.

I really cannot stress SORN. Easily done online, quick, can be undone --- what's stopping you?
Just do it!

Why not just tell the truth ? The truth seems to be that the OP doesn’t want to subsidise her friend.

Exactly.

It's a DH problem, tho. What's the use of the OP saying No, and then the friend asks again (on the off chance, you know) and DH says Yes?

PinkCosmos says she'll be talking to her DH about it, this weekend, so I hope she gets him sorted out to just say No.

I’m always amazed how so many, women predominantly, on here are reluctant to be assertive in dealing with people. Assertiveness is not being aggressive, but being honest and straightforward. I think people on the whole respect this, rather than making transparent excuses.

Best suggestion is to SORN it or tell her your son has asked you not to use it as he has plans for it.