AIBU - Friend borrowing car

In this situation my DH would also have loaned out the car and I can imagine him saying 'any time you need it' to a neighbour, so it's his fault not hers if she takes him at his word. I think you need to sort this out with your DH.

The point is that the insurance she has on their car needs not only to be fully comp but also in HER name and not her husbands. The fact that she is a named driver on her husbands insurance is NOT acceptable. What happens if the cat gets damaged in a car park etc? Let alone in an accident. If they are really friends she will accept your refusal without any bad feeling. Personally, I think she has the cheek of the devil to even ask.

Buffy

How cheeky. In an absolute emergency I can imagine asking to borrow someone else’s car but otherwise no.
As the others say, tell her it needs a service or the brakes are bad. We have a ‘spare’ car but no-one, not even a close family member, has ever asked to borrow it. You’ve given an inch and she’s taking a mile.

Why not just tell the truth ? The truth seems to be that the OP doesn’t want to subsidise her friend. That’s her choice - what shouldn’t be her choice is the OPs apparent indifference to the insurance position.

How cheeky. In an absolute emergency I can imagine asking to borrow someone else’s car but otherwise no.
As the others say, tell her it needs a service or the brakes are bad. We have a ‘spare’ car but no-one, not even a close family member, has ever asked to borrow it. You’ve given an inch and she’s taking a mile.

As others have said, the insurance issue is key here. Here’s an extract from AA guidance on driving other cars. Why on earth have you not checked out the insurance position? Quite frankly, lending a potentially lethal weapon to someone without checking this out is an act of momentous irresponsibility. I can’t understand why you haven’t considered this - both from your own point of view and from any innocent victims your friend may plough into.

‘What's the punishment for DOC uninsured?

A driver who is involved in an accident or caught without DOC insurance, even if the car they are driving is insured by the owner, will be dealt with severely by the law. They will be heavily fined with up to 8 licence penalty points, and could be banned from driving.

What's more, the owner would also face prosecution for allowing an uninsured person to drive their car. The owner's insurer will have to meet any third party damage and injury costs but would almost certainly cancel the policy. They may then take legal action to recover their costs from the owner, who would also be liable for the cost of repairing their own car.

Insurance companies take convictions for driving without insurance very seriously. Both the owner and the driver will find it very difficult to obtain affordable car insurance in the future. This could be a very good way of losing a friend!’

leave some dogs' droppings or similar on the driver's seat.

What a cheeky friend, if their friendship depends on the
Use of your car, I’m afraid I would prefer my car
You are being taken advantage of..
say no! End of ...

You need to check the insurance situation as a matter of urgency - whether you continue to lend her the car or not. NO being on an insurance policy for one vehicle does NOT mean you are insured to drive any other random vehicle! I have to admit I fail to understand people who just cannot say NO - whether friends or not. Time to stop letting your husband push you around and stand up to your friend - there are a number of ways you can do this without falling out. Does your husband know her insurance situation?

Huge recommend for When I Say No I Feel Guilty. It’s not an easy read or re read if you are doing the exercises, but I certainly got a huge amount of insight into my own behaviour from it.

PinkCosmos..
I used to have the same problem in not being able to say 'No' to people and still do now sometimes.

I found a good book "When I say no, I feel guilty" by Manuel J. Smith, Ph.D. This book is decades old but you might find some useful advice in it. I did. One quote from the book is 'You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses for justifying your behaviour.' (with saying No.)

What i don't understand is PinkCosmos calls this a 'spare car' so is there 3 cars between husband and wife?
Does the husband mind that the friend doesn't even put petrol in it ?

Tell her you're thinking of selling it, then that's not even a fib.
You have thought about it, and you can continue to give it some thought; as often as you want, for as long as you want.

Sell it! if surplus to tequirements, give her first refusal.l think she has a cheek!
Even we buy any car will give you something, problem solved.

Blame your husband.
Say "He's nice to your face, then moans about it behind your back".

Seriously though, the sooner you do it, the better, and I'm sure you have genuine reasons you could give.

blooming cheek.ask her for half of insurance and road tax.

so even though you have a licence, and are a driver, you have never read the terms of your insurance policy.
or even the key facts of the cover and conditions.
that's what people find hard to believe.
well if this is true, just say no. no more. no need for fibs.
no need to butter up such people. the further away the better.

If she's not insured and driving not only is she breaking the law but so are you.

This reminds me of my DB's friend who lost his licence for drink driving and relied on lifts from friends. When his ban ended he said he wasn't bothered about driving again and he would continue to have lifts ?

If she is not insured for your car and you let her drive it you will be charged as well for having no insurance evenue though you have..happened to a friend of mine.

what a cheek. Just say you have checked with the insurance company and if she was unfortunate enough to have an accident - her fault or not it would be difficult to make a claim and would be financial implications. Stop immediately and tell DH he must back you up - if she was hit or caused an accident you would have to pay the excess and have the car repaired. Just do it. This is not like borrowing a cup of sugar. She will have to catch a bus.

Basically you are being taken for a ride...........

Sorry Pinkcosmos it seems to be me who has it wrong you can still get aov cover. I thought they had changed the law.

If you aren't using it yourselves, why not SORN it then she definitely can't use it. Or is it kept on the road?

I think this is a real cheek, as they dont have their own car they wont have insurance, has she taken out insurance to drive yours. You could be in a lot of trouble if something did happen while she was driving it. Tell her no from now on.

Unless your car is insured for any driver she must be named on the insurance. If she has even a minor accident you may be in trouble claiming on your insurance. You would also be in difficulty if the police were involved in say speeding.