AIBU - Friend borrowing car

Grandmabatty

Was there a reason you kept your son's old car? It must cost you for the mot etc. I would have sold it like someone else suggested to save you the hassle!

My husband wanted to keep it as it is a small nippy car and cheap to run. He has a thing about cars

MagicWand

If you're not using it at all but still want to keep it for some reason, why don't you SORN it? That way it's off the road and no-one would be able to use it.

Does she fill it up with petrol? Contribute to the running costs in any way? Offer to do your shopping for you while she uses it to do hers? Repay the favour by buying you flowers, wine, chocs, etc? If not I know what I'd be doing!

Although I think Elegran's idea is a good one too unless you really feel you need the expense of a spare car you don't use.

She did buy me some supermarket flowers the other day and has offered put put some petrol in it once.

Nannarose

Have you checked the insurance? If you insure a car for another person, there are sometimes conditions in the small print about what constitutes 'occasional use'.
If she is driving on her 'own insurance' you may find it isn't full cover - I would ask her to check.

I would also consider ( adding to GagaJo's idea) something like 'we don't want to get rid of the car, but we do need to keep costs down, so it's only insured for the 2 of us'.

Another one would be 'I'm a bit unhappy about the clutch / brake / overhead gasket and I'm trying to book it to be looked at'. You could then add that 'if it turns out to be a big repair, we'll be getting rid of it'.

I assume that you are actually in the middle of a marital disagreement - she really wants a car, and her husband doesn't see why! Does he know she borrows it this often?

To be honest, I don't know if she is insured to drive it or not.

There is an intermittent fault on the car which I think could be quite an expensive fix.

Her husband is aware that she is borrowing the car.

Unfortunately, I am a rotten liar and not very good at saying no.

Personally, I think that if she wanted to use their car and her husband is working, she should take him to work and pick him up. He works about half an hour away from their home

Sarnia

If nobody uses the spare car, can't your son sell it? That would stop her.

We bought the car for our son in the first place. My son doesn't live with us, he lives abut 100 miles away

Elegran

Offer to sell it to HER at market price. If she needs it so often, she would be better buying it and having it parked at her own house (and insured, taxed, MOTed, maintained and filled with petrol by her)

The car has an intermittent fault on it which would cost quite a bit to fix, which is why I think she has never asked to buy it. It is an old car an only worth about £500

No , no no , most definitely NO !!!!! Your neighour it taking advantage of your generous nature.

Oh dear lemsip, that's awkward. :-) It would have to be a serious emergency for me to ask to borrow someone's car. Then I'd do something to thank them afterwards. It sounds like OP is being used here.

do you know if she takes anyone else out in the car with her.

I used to allow my then young dil to drive my old fiesta and one time she asked if she could take one of her friends out with he. I'm afraid I said no. The reason being her friend was extremely obese and I was worried about the suspension as it was an old car.
Trouble was that my 2yr old granddaughter told the friend why she couldn't go in nanny's car.

bit late for this I know but you should have said sorry No, it's my son's car.
What an absolute cheek of the neighbour to ask in the first place.

I would question whether she is insured to drive your car, unless she is a named driver or you have any driver on your policy then she will not be covered. If you don’t need the car I would sell it then your dilemma has gone. You could tell her that you are going to sell it and give her the option of buying it. My DF used to say, Ne’er a lender nor a borrower be’. I still stick to this, it is easier to say no at the beginning than it is later on.

I wouldn't dream of asking to use someone else's car, unless it was an absolute emergency. And I wouldn't be happy about lending my car to anyone, other than my son/daughter. It's an absolute cheek, and she's taking you for a fool! Selling their own car, and refusing to buy another, but expects to use your spare car to go shopping?! What if she had an accident in it? Whether it was her fault or not, your policy would still go up if you had to make a claim!

I can understand that you say your husband is too soft to say no, and you probably would be yourself if she asked you ... I know I'd be the same! But, it would really annoy me after a while, and I'd probably say we've just renewed the insurance, and taken a policy which only allows yourself, and your husband to drive it.

No way, hosé . I wouldn’t lend my car to anyone. What a nerve even asking.

Pink Cosmos
Wow I can't believe that anyone, friendly neighbour or not would be so cheeky as to borrow your car on a regular basis. As Shakespeare said "neither a borrower nor a lender be" comes to mind, especially for someone's car.
I wouldn't dream of asking or indeed lending such an asset. It puts you and your DH in a very risky situation, presumably the car is in your name, any problem she incurs will come back to you, whether it be a traffic fine or a minor accident. It's definitely a NO, NO.
So I would sit down with DH and prepare a plan of action as to how you will refuse your neighbour next time she asks. Taking the car off the road seems sensible if YOU are not using it. Tell your son about the problem you are having and ask him what he wants to do with his car. Don't continue being stressed out just to please your neighbour, it's time to tell her you're not doing this anymore. Good luck

Perhaps I am out of date, but ‘neither a borrower nor a lender be’, for items such as cars. Not like she’s asking for a cup of sugar!
The only person I would lend a spare car to is my son if it were an emergency, certainly not a friend who just wants it to pop to the shops.
What a cheek!

I am sorry but she is not a friend because if she really cared about you are would not be so cheeky.

Maybe she's being crafty by asking your husband.

Time to be proactive . Before she asks again, say you and your husband would rather not lend the car any more. Do not wait until she makes another request - the longer it goes on, the harder it will be.

If you let it continue, it will spoil your friendship. If you say something, it MAY spoil your friendship. It's her choice.

You say she asks your DH and he says yes. Have you talked to him?
I should approach this from a united front.
I had to pay £100 to add my DS onto the insurance when he came from NZ for a month last year just to be legal.
I wouldn't like this either. I hate being put in an awkward position. Although it is nice to be generous, it's horrid to be taken advantage of.
As others have said. If you really want it to stop, you will have to let the car go. Sell it to them?

It might sound harsh especially where friends are concerned, but isn’t the ability to say no a lesson we should all learn?

If she is not properly insured to drive the car and you allow it then you are the one breaking the law.

Yes, you can SORN it online.

I don't know why you should keep paying tax and insurance on a car you don't need.

You need to talk to your DH and, if necessary, get your son to SORN or sell it.

Not sure why you’re hanging onto it, but, not the point. You’ll have to bite the bullet and as others have said, just say no, the longer it goes on, the worse it will be. If you are keeping it, as suggested, SORN it.

Similar happened to me. I got fed up because he thought the car ran on water so I asked for petrol money and I was given a tenner! This was after about 3 months of use, short trips only. He stopped soon after that when he realised he would have to pay his way.

PinkCosmos, you said she always asks your husband, and he ‘never says no’. I think you probably need to have a serious discussion with him about all this, so that he says no to her. Tell him it’s upsetting you and causing you resentment. Ask him why he is willing to upset you to accommodate a scrounging neighbour. And suggest to him all the good advice from posters here. Good luck!

Nobodys business how many cars you have/use/not use.

Full eye contact..
'Sorry it doesn't suit.'
Nice smile.
Change the subject.
And repeat.
As often as necessary.

No explanation.
None required.

They are photographed by a speeding camera.

They have a minor bump but are reported.

Never mind, the cars in your name...........

It doesn’t matter why you have a spare car, that’s entirely up to you, but you have to control who uses it.

For heavens sake, just say NO.