to think that my DIL uses too many cleaning products?

How about starting a conversation about natural ways of cleaning - Bicarb, vinegar, baking soda etc. Get info off internet and say you are going to try it or have tried it and find it better than expensive, unhealthy products.
I use vinegar a lot, bicarb too..

I agree with lolo

OP has been very critical of her dil and very catastrophic on the consequences of dil's actions

What is going to be next? Microwaves? 5G?

Eloethan

Lolo81 Your interpretation of the OP's post is debatable. I don't think she is suggesting her daughter in law doesn't care about the health of her baby, I think she feels that many posters on here are unduly critical of the OP's concerns. The open hasn't been critical of her daughter in law. Indeed, she said that they get on well. She is just concerned and asked people's opinions as to whether to mention it and, if so, how to do so tactfully.

There have been many pieces of reputable research which have warned against the use of chemical cleaning products, and, in particular, spray products. Some researchers have suggested that the damage to a person's lungs can be equivalent to smoking several cigarettes a day.

I repeat that other posts where the issue of smoking anywhere in the vicinity of babies and children, or even adults, has been raised, there has been outrage and condemnation of the practice.

I admit this may be a retort to us on GN, but if OP thinks this here then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that translates to IRL.

My point is that as much as she is capable of research, concern etc to frame it that way should she decide to actually verbalise IRL is a sure fire way to get her DIL’s back up.

Realistically, how would any woman receive their MIL criticising how she cleans her home? To then frame it as -I’m the only one that’s thinking about the welfare of the baby - ....

It’s a very tricky road to plough. My point is that framing it in this way is not helpful at all and should be avoided.

Lolo81 Your interpretation of the OP's post is debatable. I don't think she is suggesting her daughter in law doesn't care about the health of her baby, I think she feels that many posters on here are unduly critical of the OP's concerns. The open hasn't been critical of her daughter in law. Indeed, she said that they get on well. She is just concerned and asked people's opinions as to whether to mention it and, if so, how to do so tactfully.

There have been many pieces of reputable research which have warned against the use of chemical cleaning products, and, in particular, spray products. Some researchers have suggested that the damage to a person's lungs can be equivalent to smoking several cigarettes a day.

I repeat that other posts where the issue of smoking anywhere in the vicinity of babies and children, or even adults, has been raised, there has been outrage and condemnation of the practice.

flopen

fair enough. Obviously I'm the only person concerned about the effects of chemicals on a baby's neurological system. How awful of me to be concerned about their health.

The insinuation of the lack of concern from your DIL towards her own child in this comment is enraging. This child is her baby - not yours, her baby.

If you value your relationship please don’t approach this topic - the implication that you’re the only one that cares and that you know best is the type of thing that can cause a rift.

Callistemon

^vile day^ ???
Yes, cleaning day certainly is.

I've lost my Vileda mop - I think DH has cleaned out the garden pond with it.

I keep old ones for unblocking things then throw them away. And I have special ones for cleaning walls and ceilings of cobwebs. The possibilities are endless with supermops.

Maybe now that summer’s coming you could ask if it would be ok to open the window or door as you’re feeling hot? Cleaning products are subject to certain regulations so may not be as harmful as you think. Also it’s her child and her home. You don’t want to jeopardise the lovely times you spend together. My MIL was so outspoken that every visit was a strain for me and as a result I never looked forward to her visits.

My MIL told me I polished too much.

I heeded her advice

If my mother-in-law had said to me (and she never held back) “I think that spray might not be too good around the baby”, for example, I would accept it in the spirit in which it was intended and certainly not taken offence. I would have regarded it as a useful point of view.

If, on the other hand, she had turned up with a range of alternative cleaning materials I might have seen it as an implicit criticism of my housekeeping efforts.

People seem so easily offended. You live and learn, often, as in my case, with help from mother-in-law.

vile day ???
Yes, cleaning day certainly is.

I've lost my Vileda mop - I think DH has cleaned out the garden pond with it.

annodomini

I seem to remember that Kim Woodburn and Aggie McKenzie in their 'How Clean is Your House, used vinegar for virtually everything. That might make the house smell like a chippy but wouldn't do anyone any harm.

But it's perfectly ok for daughters to tell their mothers what they should could be using
Leftover squeezed lemon halves in white vinegar is apparently very good for cleaning.

My MiL got me an old style Ewbank carpet sweeper for Christmas soon after we were married. I don’t think I ever got over it ?

I seem to remember that Kim Woodburn and Aggie McKenzie in their 'How Clean is Your House, used vinegar for virtually everything. That might make the house smell like a chippy but wouldn't do anyone any harm.

Vile day.....honestly. Vileda!

I remember the first time I bought some cleaning wipes and was so thrilled with them I gave my daughter some (at Christmas would you believe). My son was horrified (quite rightly). If I find a new cleaning product I like I want to share it with the world. I was over the moon when I bought my first vile day super mop and couldn’t stop talking about it. It hadn’t occurred to me that she had young children and had been using baby wipes for cleaning for years! The crazy thing is I’m the most untidy person in the world and my house is a tip. I always think my next discovery is going to turn my life around and I want to share it with everyone. Please everyone, get some dish wash soap and make an old lady very happy.....(but don’t give it to your DIL’s)

Please please please do not take your DIL a gift of cleaning products, unless you want to be 'the other side' of one of those Mumsnet posts about "my MIL brought me a basket of cleaning products I am never speaking to her again she thinks I keep a dirty house"

I do not think I keep a dirty home but with three small kids and a giant dog it's a lot of work and I would be deeply hurt and probably massively offended if someone showed up with cleaning products unless I had asked for a recommendation. (Look, there have not been a lot of topics of conversation during the pandemic and maybe I have got a little too invested into trying out laundry and cleaning products.)

I also love the scented Fabulosa stuff but I know it's not for everyone. My husband is not keen on either scented products or the smell of bleach. I have explained to him that when he is prepared to either a) ever do a grocery shop and buy cleaning stuff or b) ever clean a damned thing around the home, I will completely acquiesce in his choice of cleaning products. But if I have to do all the work, I will choose what to do it with! I do open the windows whilst I clean anyway because you need as much fresh air as possible.

Dettol antibacterial spray now comes in a nice lime scent which is not too heavy and is good for just... generally disinfecting after one's offspring. But I would also note that the more scented ones (esp Fabulosa) are way cheaper than some of the 'bigger' brands so if she is being careful with her money that might be why.

I would be very concerned too. There has been an awful lot published about the effects of chemicals in air and our health. However, how to comment to your DiL is a tricky one. Other comments here saying you might suggest more eco friendly/organic products might works. take her round a gift of them and extol their virtues.

Mrs Hinch is a bit of a throw back to our grandparents generation imo.

Yes, she is Dilly - when I first heard the name and looked I thought she was going to be a cleaning eco-warrior. I was astonished.
One of my DD makes her own cleaning products (for herself, not a business).

Lucca

I don’t have this problem as my lovely talented wonderful DIL virtually never does housework !! If I were in your position though I would keep quiet.

Thanks Lucca this made me laugh.

Seriously though, I wouldn’t mention it unless it set my asthma off with a coughing fit. She wouldn’t be able to ignore that. An open window or door would soon clear the fumes though.

I am losing my marbles Dilly as when you said she lived with your sister I thought you meant Mrs Hinch

My niece is a big fan of Mrs Hinch, seems to be a lot of very chemical and scented products which are nasty. She lives with my sister and my eyes water just going through the house to sit on the garden.

I don’t think you should comment on her specifically. You could perhaps say something along the lines about how things have changed now, and that parents are warned how dangerous cleaning chemicals and scented products (like non soya candles and plug ins) are bad for babies and you had wished you knew that. May ask if she knows any natural products she can recommend? Might get her thinking if she isn’t using herself?

I’m very far away from being a hippy, which was who I thought used ‘natural’ products, but after dil lived with us I permanently swapped to the stuff she was using to clean, didn’t leave a nasty smell and worked better. Now I have my eye out for new products and Waitrose’s new eco toilet cleaner is amazing! Only costs a quid when it is regularly on special and de lime scales my toilet which amazing results!

Mrs Hinch is a bit of a throw back to our grandparents generation imo.

I think that was un-called for flopen.
You asked gransnetters opinion and you clearly don`t want it unless they agree with you.
We all want to protect everyone but not to the detriment of falling out with anyone.

She might die under a pile of washing if she came here

JaneJudge - I don't know if Mrs Hinch opens her windows, I think it is the OP's DIL who doesn't.

Mrs Hinch is that young cleaning woman who is on the internet advising what products to use to practically sterilise your home daily and making a lot of money out of it too. She seems to have a lot of followers.
I am not one but I wouldn't mind letting her loose in my house for a couple of weeks.

I must say, I wouldn't mind someone buying me method products though